A wedding question?

Question

Has anyone been to a wedding where the bride's mother walks her down the aisle,even when her father(divorced) is there at the wedding.And,if the mother walks her,does the father still have a special dance with his daughter.Serious replies only,please.Do you think all this is okay for a divorced father.

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear that your daughter does not want you to walk her down the aisle. I know that must hurt very much.

As for the father and daughter dance, I would talk to your daughter about it if possible. Tell her why it is important to you so she understands, but don't argue with her. If she says no, leave it at that. It is her day, and you can give her the gift of allowing her to have it her way, even if it causes you terrible pain.

I can tell you one thing for sure. If she denies you that dance, and it sounds like she might, she will probably regret it later on. If the day comes when she does, forgive her and move on. It will mean that she realizes what she has missed, and that she is trying to make amends in her own way.

My parents are divorced, and their divorce was not a pretty one, but they did their best to keep me out of the animosity. My father actually cried when I told him he needed to get measured for a tux, because he thought I would not ask him to give me away, and that I would ask someone else, like my mother or my older brother. I can honestly tell you that that three minute slice of my life, from the time I came out of the bride's room and walked down the stairs to take his arm, to when he kissed me at the altar and put my hand in my husband's are three of the most treasured minutes of my life. I know all women do not feel the same way, but I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Answer 2

Honestly how active have you been in her life? You obviously have some connection as you are invited to the wedding, but did you simply send your child support and not continue to parent? Are you paying for half of this wedding?

Not knowing the above situation, this is difficult to answer. I don't think your daughter is trying to punish you, you wouldn't have been included at all. But if your involvement in her life, or if the reason for your divorce was something that demoted your role in her eyes, then you need to get that fixed sometime other than at the wedding.

I think you have to also look at how hard this must be for your daughter, you can bet she is getting it from all sides for breaking with tradition so openly. So she must have some very strong feelings about it.

I would say this is an opportunity for you to be the better person, and a good father by just letting it go. Part of parenting is shouldering hurts by doing what's best for the child, not for ourselves. I'm really sorry, if you didn't deserve this hurt, that her mother did advise her better. Once its done, its done and there is no going back. But you have no control over that, and you should put your daughter first and just go along. Don't miss the joy of seeing your daughter on her happiest day just to punish others, cause you are the only one who will be punished.

Oh and if you are not paying for half of this wedding, get that taken care of right now. Be the parent.

Answer 3

The bride must feel closer to her mother than to the father. Did the father not have much of a hand in bringing the bride up, due to the divorce?

The bride can choose whomever she wants to escort her up the aisle, and she decides whether to have the father daughter dance too.

Answer 4

If the bride has worked it out with both parents i don't see why not. I really think in a situation like that both parents should walk the bride down the aisle.And no matter what, the bride should have a father-daughter dance with her father.

Answer 5

It is perfectly acceptable for your mother to give you away. If you are concerned about hurting your father's feelings you could actually have both your mother and father walk you down the aisle. As far as the dance is concerned, it is truly up to you. If you would like to dance with your father then you should, but you are under no obligation to do so.

Beth
Wedding Planner
Maui, Hawaii

Answer 6

Yes I've been to a wedding like that, the bride didn't like her father very much. I can't remember if she danced with him or not. You can walk with and dance with, who you like, but remember there can be repercussions. People will talk and maybe your dad will be pissed, don't know if that matters to you.