Ok my boyfriend who I have been dating on and off for the past 6 1/2 years has joined the ARMY, he is like a best friend and he's leaving, it's breaking my heart. I don't know what's going to happen with us because we haven't even talked about it (he tries to keep a happy attitude about going and I don't want to talk about it yet because I start crying), he tried to hid it from me but had to tell me something when his recruiter called my cell to talk to him.....I don't want to loose him but I don't want to hold him back from trying to better himself. I am in a bad spot and have been through soo much lately, including a miscarriage in June with his baby, I hope this will get better and he won't forget about me!!
2006-08-25 18:38:45 · 9 answers · asked by Brooke R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Brooke,
No doubt you are feeling quite fragile and shaken by the loss of your baby. I also have experienced this traumatic event in life while in my early twenties. This event alone can leave you feeling shaken to your core as it is such a personal loss.
And to complicate matters further you now have to deal with the feelings of another possible loss in your life with regards to your boyfriend being put in an unpredictable situation regarding his return to you.
This would leave anyone fearful of further tragedy occurring again so soon. And I do understand your wanting to support him in his decision to go and do his duty. This is a very hard set of events to work through for anyone no matter the what age.
Have you shared your feelings and concerns with him? This would be something that would be paramount as the loss was his as well regarding the child that he will never be able to hold.
I think I would seek out support from the people closest to you, and try to gain any information you can regarding the process of this kind of loss and grief. Part of what makes this so difficult is that the fact that the loss of a child causes a complete imbalance in the female body. It is preparing itself for the coming birth through powerful hormonal changes that must occur, then when the loss occurs the body must then try to reverse a process that is not easy to do.
As for myself and my mother that had also lost a child, we were not healed from the experience until we later became pregnant once again and the outcome was the birth of this child. Last I would try to seek out a group of women that have gone through this as well. Sometimes the hospitals in your area can provide information about such things.
We cant predict how our lives may go, but one thing we can do is to make sure we let the ones we love so dearly know just how much they mean. This decision to go away may be his way of coping with the loss as well. It may be far more painful for him than you realize, but it can be very difficult for him to express this sorrow to you in fear of making it harder on your already devastated emotional state.
I hope this has helped in some small way, as it is so difficult to know exactly what one can do to make this better for you.
Finally try to look to the future as much as you can, and always give one another support. Let him know you will be there for him when he returns. This is the one thing that will keep you close and help keep the bond you already have. It will be a life altering experience he is entering, and you will become his lifeline back home. Don't worry about his forgetting about you as this is not what usually happens in such situations. Instead the young men that engage in such a self sacrificing endeavor come to Cherish the ones left behind as they come to terms with the possibility of their own mortality. Believe me I feel the weight of the events you have in your life right now, and I am truly sorry for your pain.
Don't give up as he needs you as much as you do him right now.
Good luck, and I wish you a long and happy life together upon his return. Believe it and pray for his safe return to you.
TW2
2006-08-25 19:25:40 · answer #1 · answered by CVP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With you avoiding to talk, this problem would never end... Open up what you really feel and if you are SINCERELY ok with him joining the army, then there should be no regrets on your end... Wouldn't it be a more satisfying experience when he came back to you after some time? Talk to him... He don't have any idea on what you're thinking or on what your feeling... Don't keep everything bottled up inside...
If he ever went away, keep in touch through letters, calls and emails... There are a lot of ways for you to talk even if he's far from you... But you need is a trmendous amount of trust, interest and loyalty...
2006-08-26 01:46:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be silly he will never forget you. Some men young men feel the need to branch out, see the world, and do a sacrificing service for themself, to prove to themselves and to their friends and loved ones that they have what it takes.
He loves you and perhaps in someways doesn't want to hold you up in life either! Perhaps you should talk before he leaves just so if you are to break up you don't have to do it throught email, over the phone, or on an instant messenger.
If you do decide to just be friends, don't sacrifice a good friendship because believe me, he probably needs you and your moral support more than you know. Don't sever contact with him and remain friends. Maybe you are ready to branch out a little in life too so perhaps being friends is just best for both of you. But by all means if you do stay together, he'll probably have a cell, computer access, and he does get leaves too, don't worry so much it will work itself out.
But don't get angry, and don't cutt off a good friend!
2006-08-26 01:46:49 · answer #3 · answered by Beano4aReason 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be strong and except the obstacles that are put in front of you with a strong heart, determined mind and confidence in you relationship. Remember, ever thing we go through in life serves a purpose; bad or good. So don't let anything deter you from the communication you have with your relationship; keep it tight between eachother and let him know that you got his back regardless. He needs you the most right now and you can't be selfish. I know a miscarriage is a hard situation to deal with and not an easy one and I know you are still with uneasy and unanswered questions about that and now this...all I can tell you is the timing was not right and as you can see now; hopefully, that this is true. Trust in your relationship and trust in yourself that you will be alright.
2006-08-26 02:01:40 · answer #4 · answered by CMTaylor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to be as possitive as possible. Going in the Army was a big step for him and he will need your support. However, you should also let him know when you need his. Stay open with each other. Big changes come with any military situation. Know that they are coming, be calm about them, be strong and understanding. Most of all, hang in there...you will be ok.
2006-08-26 01:43:09 · answer #5 · answered by Maggie Mae 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he really loves you he wont forget about you. and i know what you mean. not about having a miscarrige, but how love hurts. i had this boyfriend for about 2 years and then i found out from my best friend that he was cheating on me with a fugly a** gurl who was like 5 or 6 years older than us.
2006-08-26 01:48:17 · answer #6 · answered by Emilie K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah if u guys've been goin out for tht long he wont forget u. Remember distances always make the hearts grow fonder..
Cheer up mate!
2006-08-26 01:45:28 · answer #7 · answered by Maria 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You lost him..i think. He's going to be jealous and it is not going to work, so, as an advice, try to get over it. I hope everything will be fine with the two of you.. praying hard here..hehe.
2006-08-26 01:43:22 · answer #8 · answered by luv_mornings 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he wont forget about you
2006-08-26 01:41:32 · answer #9 · answered by amber 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋