How can I have a better relationship with my father?

Question

I saw my father in 2004 after like 10 years. (I was probaly 2 10 years ago, counting from 2004) We talk on the phone but I barely say anything. I have alot of questions to ask but when I talk to him my mind goes blank. I don't know why. Do you guys have any suugestion of what I can talk about, besides my feelings? and Why do you think I'm the way I am when I talk to him? Thanks!!

good answers so far. i noticed a few of you suggested that I invite him over, but I can't. He lives in Dallas, Texas and I in Columbus, Ohio. So I haven't seen him in 2 years. We planned for me to go this summer but things came up so I couldn't go. Just to let you know though that for about 5-6 years of my childhood I grew up with my step-father and my mom. I loved him so much and I called him "Daddy". But I knew that he wasn't biologically.

Answer 1

This is so hard to answer, I know as I am a father that traveled a lot while my girls were growing up. Not like you who have not seen your father in 10 years but I was not there a lot of the time.

To help you answer your question what can you talk about, you need to write down your questions before you talk to him. It is normal to freeze up and then think of all you have to say after not seeing him for so long. It doesn't matter why he is gone but you do get to talk to him. You are getting older and you need to ask him the questions that are burning in your brain and heart.

The next time he calls, start out slow and just do some small talk. Ask him where he is and if he is ok. Tell him that you would like to see him if he can ever find the time to come by. This is the time of your life, you really need him and I understand that.

After a while, while on the phone you can ask him all those burning questions, you have written down. It will not be easy but you can, tell him how you feel not seeing you. It is ok... it is good for you. It is good for him to hear what you are thinking. Believe me when I say to you it is not you, that he doesn't come to see you. It is his problem of mental guilt, on his part. I don't know why he would stay apart from you so long, but you do talk to him and now it is time for you questions to be answered.

Good Luck my dear, you deserve better, but in real life you make your life what you make of it. So ask the questions and tell him the fears and the hurt part of your life, that he may have caused. Be strong and be willing to accept the truth of his life too. Then accept him if you can.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are so grateful for any scrap of attention he gives you or that he bothers to talk to you that you don't want to say anything to jeopardize the relationship for fear you'll have none at all.

In a perfect world we could ask all the questions important to us without fear and receive honest, truthful answers. It's possible your fear of losing what little relationship you have is preventing you from moving ahead.

You need to decide what is most important to you. Make a list of things you'd like answers to. Rate your questions from basic to complex. Next conversation try to get an answer to a simple basic question and see where it goes. You can continue or stop when you like, but at least it will give you a clue as to how open and forthright he is willing to be.

I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 3

Well, you don't know him well, so that makes it difficult to open up to him. You might want to just be straightforward with him and tell him exactly what you said here on Yahoo. Admitting that you're uncomfortable often takes away the fear, or at least it helps the other person understand how you feel. He probably feels the same way, too, and by being open with your feelings of being uncomfortable, it will provide a very good way to start sharing.

Answer 4

You feel the way you do because you don't know each other. I am sure he feels just as awkward as you do, and just as tongue tied. Try to relax and TALK about your feelings. If you mind goes blank.. write down your questions. It might seem a little strange to whip out the list but that can be a good ice breaker. Laugh about it. Laughter relaxes everyone! Good luck.

Answer 5

You are this way because it's almost like you are talking to a stranger.The same thing happened to me.I didn't speak or see my father for 10 years and the next time i talked to him it was very strange.No need for you to think about what you will tell him,you will know what to say....

Answer 6

maybe you deep down don't understand why he left..which who would i mean everyone needs a father. Maybe your afraid if you say the wrong thing it will make him cut off from you again..but you have to get to know him in order to make this decision..there can be alot of fear in the unknown which is totally understandable..

If you have questions write them down and ask him..hopefully for you it will make understand and heal, and get past some of the stuff that you had to deal with when you was younger..

Some kids don't get a second chance..
You are blessed..☺

Answer 7

i have three girls of my own and if i was in that same situation i would talk about the times you did . this would also open new questions and don't worry if you think it's a dumb questions as long as you guys are talking. as for being the way you are I would think that's normal after all you have not seen him in a long time.

Answer 8

just forgive him for whatever it was; and get on with your relationship in the time frame of today and not the past. I lived for years with a half hearted relationship with my father about four years ago we just put it behind us and I have the best father in the world :)

Good luck

Answer 9

Ask him about his day and plans he has for the coming week. Tell him you want to see him or something. Family always comes first. Make sure you go see him. I recently have graduaded from high school and am living away from home and I will make sure I visit my parents.

Answer 10

Write the questions down. Ask him if you guys can get together regularly. After awhile things will get easier.