Nobody wants to watch my daughter...?

Question

Hi I have a 3 year old daughter who has separation anxiety. She crieds everytime she goes to the babysitter everytime she goes even after two months. Now my babysitter called me and said she can no longer watch her because she needstoo much attention. I know she cries when we are gone but I dont know what I can do about it and it isnt the first time someone doesnt want to watch her. It makes me so sad because she is sweet but just scared to be in other peoples houses without me. I am in school and work but I am so tired of this situation and feel so helpless. Does anyone have any advice?

We have no family in the area.

I never go out for long.

I dont spoil her either. I try to be hard with her but she has been through a bunch of bad babysitters.

Answer 1

Maybe the babysitters are losing, not your daughter. Separation anxiety is normal. I worked in a pre-school and this girl cried for 7 months, she finally got over it. Tell her how much you love her, give her a kiss to put in her pocket, that way she can take it out when she needs it. What about a favorite doll or something? Make sure that where she is going is stimulating and talk about the fun things she will do when she is there. Find a good babysitter, someone who practices child development practices. There are a lot of good people out there for your daughter, look, look, look.

Answer 2

When you interview new sitters, let them know upfront your daughter has separation anxiety. See how they react to this and if they have experience with handling this

Here's a few tips. Let her watch you leave. Have the sitter be active in this. She can walk you to the car, if possible or watch out a window. She needs to see you leave and wave bye to her. Then distraction can be applied.

Buy her a watch. Mark what time you are going to pick her up.

Avoid using words like be a big girl, it will be okay. She will relate you leaving into something bad is going to happen.

Make sure her time there is busy work time. non productive activities will not keep her mind busy.

Have the sitter write a short list of what she did, Talk about all the fun things she did. Just focus on the fun things.

Kids react better when they are prepared. Let her know she will be going to the sitter, what time you will back and how you are already excited to hear all the things she will be doing.

It will be a process of steps and it won't happen overnight but she will begin to understand you leave and come back

Answer 3

Obviously, your daughter is extremely afraid that you are not coming back for her. I would suggest taking her to whomever you are able to find to babysit her, and stay there in the house with her for a bit. Have the sitter show her around, like where the potty is and where the toys are. All of you should find an activity, like reading or coloring, and do it together. After a few minutes, tell your daughter you have to go to the store, and tell her you will be back in a little bit. Run down to the corner store or gas station, and pick up a little treat for all of you. Make sure you are gone about 15 minutes or so, then go back to the sitter's and share your treat. Try doing this a few times before leaving her with the sitter for the normal amount of time you usually need to leave her. This should help her see that you do come back, and it will also give you an opportunity to see how the sitter reacts to your daughter, and how understanding she is about the crying spells. If this doesn't work, it's possible there are some serious issues going on with your daughter, and you might have to consider getting professional help. You don't want to let this continue as she will have great difficulty attending school if she can't let you out of her sight. Try having her do things by herself at home, and have some kids over for play dates. Boost her confidence that she is a big girl, and big girls know that mommy goes to work, then she always comes home. I feel so bad for both of you, but know that most kids usually outgrow this stage of separation. Don't feel ashamed or embarassed to seek outside help, each child is different and not all things are as effective for some as for others. Good luck.

Answer 4

Try to find a teenager in the area. That way she'll have one on one attention. Call your local high school and see if they have classes that teach childhood development, and ask to speak to the teacher. Ask if they could recommend a student that could babysit. If not, how about a close friend? A coworker at work do they have older children you could trust?

Your little girl sounds like she's just very attached to you. You need someone who is wiling to spend the time with her, and make her feel comfortable with that person. I would suggest having them come into your home, so she is more comfortable(until she gets used to the babysitter)
Good luck, and give that lil one a kiss.

Answer 5

Try giving her a 'replacement' mommy for when you cant be there for her... eg- give her a special teddy that will look after her when mommy isnt around. Tell her the teddy will watch over her and keep her company if she is feeling lonely.
I'm not sure why she didnt warm up to the babysitter, maybe she is just a very sensitive girl. Try getting a babysitter that comes to your home so then she doesnt feel more vunerable?
Good Luck!

Answer 6

There is NO way around this, it is a NORMAL part of development for her. That babysitter was just AWFUL for not considering that. Sounds like she is SELFISH for not understanding that!

I would search for another babysitter that would understand the situation or try a day care where they do deal with this on a daily basis!

Also let her pick out a stuffed animal or go to build a bear and buy a twin set of stuffed animals. Bring it everytime you drop her off (and bring yours) and tell her that when she hugs hers you will "know" and you will hug yours (something KINDA out of "Little Princess). That way she is never "without" you and she may accept it. Worth a try.

Answer 7

This is normal, some children just go through REALLY bad separation anxiety, it's nothing you've done wrong. I would strongly suggest that you get her into a good daycare instead of putting her with a babysitter though. Look around, I got my daughter into a Montessori daycare, it's wonderful!! And I got govt. assistance with it (you'd probably qualify if they have it in your town because you're in school and working). Maybe having something to stimulate her intellectually will divert her attention away from how much she misses you. And good luck, my daughter has separation anxiety too, it's not as bad as your daughter's but I know how heartbreaking it can be to see them cry like that. Oh, by the way, one thing my day care says to do (and it works pretty well) is to refrain from lingering when you drop her off. Just take her in, giver her hugs and kisses, tell her you love her and that you'll be back in the afternoon to pick her up... then LEAVE, don't stick around, just walk away.

Answer 8

I hardly leave my daughter with anyone. The only person she has been left alone with his my mom... But I do remember a little from when I was younger. I hated when my mom would leave me somewhere too. Maybe you should have the babysitters take care of her at your house. Because I think when you leave her at another person's house she wonders if she's ever gonna leave, if she's already at your house, and all your clothes, and her clothes and toys and beds are still there, she knows you have to come back. and maybe its something to do with the babysitter alone. I hate to say it but you can't trust everyone these days. Does this lady have other kids that she needs to take care of? Why is it that she can't put attention on your daughter?? and maybe if at all possible you should move closer to family. or have a family memeber stay with you for a few days until you do break in a new trustworthy babysitter.

Answer 9

I used to babysit a child with separation anxiety. For the first few times with the new babysitter you go with your daughter and just be a by-stander. Have the babysitter spoil her and kind of bribe her to like the babysitter. Then after a few days kind of sneak out when your daughter is napping or not looking. It sould cruel but it worked for me. Good luck!!

Answer 10

Try to talk to her. i know that there's not that much that she will understand but try. also stop spoiling her so much. i can tell that's what you've been doing. when she cries don't pick her up no matter what. maybe the next time she has to go to a baby's sitter bring her favorite blanket or toy and tell her that mommy has to leave and shell be back. tell her that if shes a good girl and doesn't cry then you'll buy her something nice that she wants. and when you bring her favorite thing, blanket etc. then if she starts crying take it from her and tell her shes only going to keep it if she stops crying.good luck i hope things work. also is there anyone in the family that could possibly watch her?