Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves?

Question

okay, I'm trying to fully understand forgiveness and so I'm asking all sorts of questions and I learn by hearing other viewpoints.

Why is it that we have such a hard time forgiving ourselves? I think we can be harder on ourselves than on other people. And a lot of times we do stupid things but can't stop kicking ourselves for our past mistakes.

Have you ever done something so stupid you had a hard time forgiving yourself? Have you ever gotten to the point of being able to forgive yourself? If so, how did you finally forgive yourself?

Hey, I gotta make you work for the 10 points :)

Biblenewz, I'm talking about the steps you take to learn to forgive yourselves. I know that God forgives me, and I'm very thankful for it. But sometimes it's not so easy to stop beating myself up for past mistakes.

Answer 1

It's a matter of perspective.

Distinguish between guilt (a position you may occupy before the Father) and the feeling of guilt (something that has no value and can only sap your strength).

Repent of any negative behavior and move on.

Answer 2

I think it's so hard because we expect to know ourselves better than anybody else. We think we know our strengths and weaknesses, so we hold ourselves up to a higher standard than people whose weaknesses we don't know.

Forgiving others helps me forgive myself. When I forgive others, I realize that they're human, just like me. I'm no better and no worse, so if I can forgive them, I should expect to forgive myself. I have to keep reminding myself that I've forgiven, but eventually, it usually sticks.

I've done plenty of stupid things, some of which I'm still kicking myself for. I think forgiveness is a process. It just takes time. And it's something that must be done.

If I blame others (such as my parents) for the things that are wrong with me, should I blame their parents, too? And should my parents' parents blame their parents? Blame has to stop somewhere, and that's where forgiveness steps in.

Answer 3

After reading the acknowledgements I believe that it is hard to forgive ourselves because we do not really know how to receive the ultimate forgiveness that the Father has given to us. We sort of believe that yeah God has forgiven me but...or of course He can forgive He is God, He can do anything! But let us imagine for a moment all of the hurtful, despicable, trifling things that we have done; pick those things up put them all in a bag and throw them as far away from us that we can. That is what He does when He says that He will throw our sins into the sea of forgetfulness and never remember them no more (cf. Micah 7:18-19). Furthermore, He says for us to forget the former things, do not remember the things of old because He is doing a new thing. Can't you not perceive it (Isaiah 43:18-19). Can't you not smell the coffee, it is definitely brewing in your direction.

Answer 4

How about asking God to forgive you for not having the faith in His love to accept his forgiveness. Also, try to separate "forgiveness" from conscience -- we learn from those negative experiences, and just because we feel bad doesn't mean we aren't forgiven; it means we don't like doing those things that make us feel bad. Make up where you can, or at least acknowledge that you've learned that lesson, and you have no intention of doing that again. Holding an ideal of what you should be is just a model; drop the expectation that you can be "perfect" (which is ludicrously irresponsible), and be ok with doing the best you can in whatever circumstances arise.

Answer 5

Why is it so hard? Because it's easier to try and "justify" our mistakes, and as long as we make excuses, forgiving ourselves is impossible.

Forgiveness requires acknowledgement of our faults as such. Then we need to regret commiting those faults in the past AND resolve to think and act right in the future. If we can honestly do that we will be able to forgive ourselves.

But it is so darn hard to do -and to do again - and again! Because we are not perfect!

So, don't dwell in the past. Live now and do what what you really, deep down, believe is good or right. You won't have to forgive youself so often!

Answer 6

searcher,
I think tht forgiving yourself is overrated. It's too easy to let yourself off the hook. It reeks of the Pleasure Principle and Political Correctness. Acoording to them it's all about self esteem, self worth, self satisfaction, etc. It's all about you being the most important. You are the center of your life.

I read your info and I think you have an advantage on the error of all that. You are a mother and a wife. You know that there are three people that are more important to you than you are.

But how are you going to function like you need to if you don't let yourself off the hook? By looking to God to forgive you. You know that He did, so what is the time that you spend wondering about forgiving yourself worth?

Answer that question and you'll have your answer to that and, if the focus is proper, you will get the answer to your other question. You exist to die to yourself, and serve God, husband, and kids. All other things are second.

Answer 7

Since you posted this in Religion & Spirituality, I assume you are referring to the type of forgiveness we are instructed to show on others (as much as ourselves).

Honestly, anything you try to do on your own is going to be hard. But if you are a born-again Christian (baptism of the Spirit as well as the water), then you wont find this difficult at all.

The transformation is so refreshing, and you find that love and peace and forgiveness become a natural part of your being. Also, you wont go around doing things you need constant forgiveness for - you wont even have the desire to do those things.

This is something I would take to God in prayer.

Answer 8

The truth is the reason it is so difficult to forgive ourselves is because we hold ourselves to the ultimate standard. It is like there is this house around us that represents the limits and boundaries (i.e. values) we set for ourselves. When we go outside of those boundaries, knowing that we are, we are in our minds inexcusable. Forgiveness is a universal law just like gravity. If we forgive others we will be forgiven. And if we forgive ourselves, we will be forgiven. That concept is difficult to get our thought process around because it is the key ingredient in unconditional love. The kind of love the Father has for us. It is indeed his mercy that will allow us to forgive ourselves in the end.
We love him because he first loved us.

Answer 9

Searcher, you are asking excellent questions befitting of your name *smile*.

The answer is, I don't know why it's so hard to forgive ourselves. I still can't forgive myself for getting married...and then divorced....when I never should have married in the first place. As hard as I try, I can't get over what a stupid decision it was.

Yes I know God has forgiven me. I just wish I could forgive me.

Answer 10

I have the Catholic guilt big time...
Sometimes I can't forgive myself.I pray to the Father for forgiveness, adn I am not very good about going to confession I admit. Its been about a yr prolly :(
Sometimes I just pray and pray and pray, and eventually it works out. But in His time.

I have been feeling guilty lately and I am having a really hard time with it.
Personal things going on, depression, upcoming ct scans (for cancer check ups) always get me in a lousy mood. So it bounces from me to the people i love and I feel rotten for being a meanie.

Then I can't forgive myself for feeling guilty for not praying enough,or hard enough, or being like my friends in their prayer worlds.
And its not good feel guilty either..

God Bless