How do I resolve this?

Question

My husband wants to spend the winter away from our home. Our daughter is pregnant with her first baby--our first grandchild. He says he will be home when she delivers...I want to be home to enjoy this event with her.along the way.. He says he's going with or without me...
I say I will go next year...please let's just go for a bit.. he says NOPE!..I am so hurt.. She is due April 8th. I feel my entire life was spent working and now I want to enjoy my family more.....I regret so many hours at the office...please help. We get along great as long as he is happy!

Thank all of you so very much. Yes, I am a believer and want to follow the Lord in all I do. This is just one of many instances that seems as if I have no opinion. He has his way most times. He wants to go to our Florida home. We can go anytime. I spent all last winter and last month alone with him there. I feel he is being unreasonable. I am so hurt. I am praying and I also know God knows...it is so hard for me to come to strangers for such personal insight...yet I feel I violate our marriage by talking to anyone we know.
Thank you so much...I am praying.

Answer 1

Well everyone seems to think only about the situation from you or your husbands point of view. Have you thought about asking your daughter and son in law how they feel about the situation?
Instead of asking for an opinion from people you do not know, why don't you sit down with your family and ask them to come up with a solution that will make all of you happy.

Answer 2

Totally understandable the way you feel. You mentioned the baby is due in April, so I would go away for a a little while sooner rather than later. Go away and be back for the holidays and the birth. Both of you have worked hard all of your lives and he has probably been dreaming of this getaway for a long time. I'm sure you can both reach a compromise. It's better you go away now before the baby is born. You should try to maintain a happy relationship w/ your hubby for your daughter's sake and your new baby grandchild. God bless you and yours.

Answer 3

if he's one of those "happy as long as he gets his way" types, apparently not all of your kids have grown up, he's still a child and sounds like he always will be a child. if he wants to be a jerk about it and leave without you, there's nothing you'll be able to do but to just let him go. maybe while he's gone on his own and gets bored after a while, he'll come home and crawl like the child he really is. you shouldn't have to be guilted in to anything you don't want to do, you are your own person. enjoy your grandchild, congrats to you and your daughter. this will be a memorable experience for both of you. i don't know what i would have done without my mother when i was pregnant. that made us closer sharing that experience together. enjoy it while you can.

Answer 4

Are you a Christian? If yes, then your husband should have the final say in the matter. Unless there is some very unusual circumstances here-you need to be the wife FIRST, then the mother.
Have you both prayed about this, --together? If not- then do it. God may turn his heart when he hears yours poured out to the Lord. Ask your Bible study group to pray with you about this. Talk to your pastor-ask him to pray with you and your husband. Do it in a NICE way. I promise you-God can make it work out -but you husband may need to hear you pray about it -out loud (be nice!)

Answer 5

I would suggest going with him for a couple weeks and then returning to be with your daughter as you wish to do. He can stay there for as long as he wants to, but this is important to you.

Just because he stays, does not mean you have to. Even though you are married does not mean you have to be together every day - you can choose to be separate for a little while when it is important. If you do not do what you want, and instead do what he wants, you may end up resenting him for giving up being close to your daughter and that is more harmful then him being mad just cause you won't follow exactly what he wants for a change.

Answer 6

I was married to a man like that once. I ended up in counseling, and I told my counselor one day that the more emotionally healthier I became, the worse things were at home. His answer was, "Well, you've changed the rules". Change the rules or live with what YOU allowed to be created. I do not condone divorce, that's not what I'm saying, but if you don't take a stand, it's not going to change. My ex committed adultery while we were separted, and that released me from my marriage. I tried, he didn't. Just be ready to deal with the fallout.

Answer 7

Would your daughter be willing or able to come with you both?

What about spending weekends with your daughter or one week out of the month?

It's a tough decision. On the one hand I think children enhance a marriage but they should never be the center of the marriage. On the other hand, aside from the marriage, don't you have a right to make your own decisions or have your wishes carried out?

Good luck!

Answer 8

Stay Home...let the moron go it alone and You can tell him exactly what he missed. Watching your child grow in utero is awesome as you have both experienced. I can't wait to watch my kids as they embark on parent hood and I WILL BE RIGHT THERE WITH THEM.You seem like a comapssionate lady, and your daughter is lucky to have you to help. Wherever your "mate" wants to go will be there next year, your daughter and her first pregnancy with mom sharing won't. Let him go...he'll be back for the delivery...and you can do things your way...what I like to call the right way. Good luck Grandma..take a bow for thinking family comes first... God Bless you and your family.

Answer 9

I would sit down with and explain to him how much it means for you to be with your daughter during this event in her life. If he cant compromise a little then let him go. Perhaps he needs a break.....or you do. Perhaps a couple of weeks apart and he may realise he is in the worng place and come home. Even get your daughter to talk to him. Good Luck.

Answer 10

What about you? Have you been happy at all?
God commands husbands to love their wives. Doesn't sound like there is too much love there, for you or his daughter.
I'd let him go, your daughter needs you, and you might find some happiness while you are apart, and he may realize just how awful he is being.