Why is it so hard to forgive other people?

Question

Why is it that we have such a difficult time forgiving other people, even if they are truly sorry for what they did and won't repeat the mistake?

Too many good respones here for me to decide. Please read both pages of answers before voting. Thanks for your help!

Answer 1

It is so difficult, because you were hurt, and your trust in the person has been jeopardized. Trust has to be rebuilt and forgiveness will come, however, you may never forget, but you will find peace.

Answer 2

I believe the issue usually lies not only in whatever hurt or pain is associated, but we then question whether or not we can trust the offender again. Trust is a terrible thing to break and usually results in a sense of betrayal. When we realize that the hurt and pain, lack of trust, and anger gives way to our becoming cold and bitter OR if we truly can see that the person is heartfully sorry and change. Then the door to forgiveness opens and a form of love and caring takes over. It is a beautiful thing to see yet it is so difficult for that door to open with circumstances that are truly hurtful. Stubborness and pride...anger and revenge...can keep someone in a state of holding a grudge. What is even harder is when a person continues to say break promises and make mistakes. In that case, it take a special something inside to have hope for that person and believe in them enough to conquer their faults eventually.

Answer 3

Wow, I think this is probably the hardest question I have ever had to answer. I am terrible when it comes to holding grudges and not forgiving. I had been so used when I was younger that I pretty much lost my ability to trust, so when a person does something to hurt me, or those I love, they pretty much need to get a note signed by God to get my forgiveness. But, to make it worse, you had to ask the second question, and that is also a terrible problem I have, forgiving myself, and all the self loathing that goes with it. I guess it would be easier to forgive others, since I can be much harder on myself. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to really think on a question. Tammy

Answer 4

I dont think that it is that hard to forgive, but rather extremely hard to forget. Once you are hurt you are scarred. You cant get over that part of it. It takes a very strong person to forgive but an even stronger person to put aside the biases that may have occurred.

For instance- i was in an abusive relationship for 8 years. I forgave him (im now out of it and about to marry the most wonderful man in the world) but i never forgot. I had constant reminders. I had to learn what was an excuse (he always told me he was sorry- but he wasn't) versus the truth.

i cannot forget but i also cant live the rest of my life worrying abut my past... We really cant tell if a person is truly sorry for what they did. especially if they did it before. We have to place our trust in a higher being and hope they show us the way...

Answer 5

When you do something wrong, you aren't the only one that is affected. Other people are hurt by your wrongs. When people are hurt, they are cautious about forgiveness, because you can look at what someone has done to guess what they may do again in the future. Many times people are successfull at change, but they have to prove themselves first. It's hard, especially in the begining to forgive someone because the recent history is what you remember.

Answer 6

it depends on what the person did. you feel they might be getting away with the wrong.

Point 1: Do you think Jews will find it easy to forgive the Nazis and Germans, Europeans during World War 2? It maybe difficult to do so.

It can be hard. It is just human nature.

Answer 7

Because some people think that if they forgive people it say that what the person does was ok. Other might think it will show them weak. While other might want to hold on to that hurt so the have power over that other person. But the only person it hurts when you do not forgive is yourself.

Answer 8

We tend to be self centered people and when something hurts us we expect the world to stop turning so that the person who hurt us can be punished for it so we can have justice.
In reality, all of us are hurt and do hurt others every day - even if we don't realize it.
It's important for forgive because we aren't perfect so we don't really have the right to judge others for making mistakes.

Answer 9

Forgivness is not about who's right or wrong. It's about releasing attachment to right or wrong in a given situation. When people have difficutlty forgiving, it's likely because they are unable to let go of their need to be right. In order to forgive, you must transend the ego, and that is not an easy thing to do for many people.

Answer 10

I used to be able to forgive, but had trouble forgetting. You must do both. If you are harboring bad feelings toward someone because of what they did, you are not bothering that person at all, but it is eating you up. Learn to pray about it everytime you think of it, and eventually, the Spirit will give you peace with that person.

Answer 11

Because you have a problem with holding grudges. If they admit they were wrong, and are truly sorry they hurt you, THEN LET IT GO. Why do women have to live in the past and keep a complete flawless record of wrongs just to drag them out in the next argument? (As you can see Im married)

My problem is I can never get people to admit theyre wrong so its 1000X tougher for me to forgive!!!

Jesus didnt shed his blood so we could stay mad about Jay killing your grass or Suzy telling a secret or your husband not buying flowers for you every week. (my wife)

This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. -Matthew 26:28