is there any way to tell him gently??

Question

I found out just within the last couple of days that I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I am going 2 tell my boyfriend tomorrow night. I really don't know how he's gonna take it. We've talked about it before and he says he wants kids someday (he's 28) just not ready now. Well in all honesty neither am I. However abortion is not a choice and we are gonna have a baby. I think after the initial shock he'll probably be ok as I am now after having a couple of days for it 2 sink in. I love him very much but don't want 2 be with him just cause we're having a baby. I don't want him 2 feel trapped. How can I tell him that we're pregnant without making him feel trapped? I want him 2 want us because he loves us not because it's his duty or responsibility. I would appreciate any honest suggestions of how 2 make this easier for him. I want 2 break it 2 him gently not just throw it in his face. I need him & our child is gonna need him but I want him 2 want us not feel obligated. We've been together 2 yrs! HELP!!

Waiting to tell him is NOT an option! It may be my body, but this baby inside me is just as much his as it is mine! We made this child and we will be responsible for it together. He can have as much or as little to do with us as he wants, but we WILL both take the responsibility that God has given us. (even if he decides that all he is gonna give is financially) Our child will know both it's parents!

Answer 1

I like your attitude that you understand he needs time to sort it through. Some years back, there were some feminist movies doing their usual best to put down men. A woman would realize she had missed her period, and began to worry. As time passed, she became more sure. By the time she went to the doctor, she had many days -- and probably sleepless nights -- to accept reality.

Then, in comes the man, and when she tells him, the next 15 seconds determine his entire future life. With no preparation, he is supposed to sort it all out, literally in 5 seconds or less, and say, "Oh, darling, how wonderful! I will dedicate my life to helping your raise this wonderful baby, and make him feel totally wanted."

Well, maybe some guys have the same view as some women. That is, they have life plans, and the baby is going to mess them up. But, we don't give men reproductive rights.

So, even if he acts up, give him time to sort it out, and forgive him if he acts like a jerk, then later accepts it.

Too often women permanently reject a man whose first response is negative. Give him time and forgive any panic reactions.

If he totally and permanently messes up, you will get child support.

But, if he's generally a good guy, chances are he'll stand by you -- after he has time to sort through it.

I gotta' give a lecture here. Not so much for you as for other of our kiddie readers who see this. This sort of problem is exactly why we old fuddie-duddies preach to wait until you are married. When you marry, if you aren't stupid, and if your marriage involves any intelligence at all, part of that commitment is understanding you will stick it out if there are babies, and will raise them together.


Frankly, your attitude is good, and I am confident you will handle it well.

Answer 2

There's probably no truly easy way to do this. I'm sure that he realizes that since you've obviously weren't using protection every time, there's a chance you could get pregnant. So, if you give him some hypothetical situation or drop hints at him, he's probably going to get it right away. I would say to just be straight with him. Sit him down, tell him how much you love him and that you hope this can be an exciting turn for both of you. If he's worth having in your life, he'll be happy and stick around. But seriously, he's 28, if he doesn't feel that he's ready for this, even after he finds out, he'll NEVER be ready. And by the way, you don't NEED him and neither does this child, you WANT him to be in your life. A girl should never NEED any man except her daddy... if he's a good person. All joking aside though, needing someone puts a lot of strain on a relationship, it makes you too dependent and especially if you're going to have a baby, you shouldn't be dependent on anyone but yourself. Besides, you shouldn't keep someone around because you need them, you should keep them around because you love them and you WANT to be with them. Just my 2 cents on the whole thing. Sounds to me like you have a pretty decent relationship and I think he'll probably take it pretty well. A lot of people don't think they're ready for something like this until it happens... I didn't. So good luck girlie! No matter what happens, things will work out for the best.

Answer 3

First of all, congratulations! And it is awesome to see someone else in this crazy world that doesn't think a baby is necessarily a good reason to marry. That being said, I think it would be a good idea for you to concentrate on telling him about the baby first, give him a few days and then talk about the future.Or better yet, don't bring up the future at all. Wait till he does. And I am sure he will.
If I were you, I would just come out and say it. Set him down, and tell him you love him, and that you both have been blessed with an amazing gift.
Who knows? He may freak out a bit in the beginning, but ultimately I'm sure he will come around
Good luck, and congratz again!!

Answer 4

If I was in your shoes I'd tell him how much I loved him and ask him how much he cared for me then say ok well I have to tell you something and don't know how. But you know how much I care for you now and I'm gonna have your baby and I want you apart of his or her life in whatever way you choose. However I don't want you to feel traped in anyway. And tell him you do love him and the baby inside you and because of that you don't want him to stay with you just because of the baby. Remind him people who stay just because a child hurts the child in the long run. But he loves you I'm sure everything will be fine. Good Luck! and being a mom is great ya gonna love it!!

Answer 5

well ..thats a doosy. hmm. you've already asked him if he wanted kids and he replies yes someday. Your going to need him around and i dont think he will love you any less then he apparently already does. I think he will be shocked and what not but he should be fine. You need to take him aside and sit him down and tell him straight up whats going on. He shouldnt feel trapped if he loves you like you say he does. I dont think he will be there just to be there, i think he will be there for you and for you two's baby. I know this b/c i've been trying to have kids for the past few years and my wife and i havent been blessed yet with a child of our own. Understand this plain and simple: IF HE LOVES YOU THEN HE WILL NOT FEEL TRAPPED. There is no way to make it easier for him.

Answer 6

I would not wait to tell him. he may resent it if you keep it to yourself for weeks. If he is a good man he will deal with it. Show him what you wrote here. Talk to him as you have here. You sound as if you are an articulate young woman, so I suspect he is also a bright young man. He may be shocked a bit at first, but most likely he will get used to the idea.

However, no matter what, he does have a responsibility now to this baby, whether he stays or whether he goes. You cannot absolve him of that responsibility, because your baby has a right to it.

Best of luck to both of you.

Answer 7

Take him to a place where there will be no distractions. Explain to him that you do not want him to feel trapped and all the above you've said. Give him some time for the whole thing to sink in and be ready for shock and dismay. You'll never know how he feels unless you tell him.

Answer 8

I would keep it simple and to the point. Answer direct questions. But let him know that the future of the world does not need to be decided right this moment. It will probably take him some time to absorb the news. Give him some space and time. No matter his reaction, you need to make yourself and your baby first priority. I do not think waiting to tell him is fair or beneficial to you.

Answer 9

Just tell him "I know where not ready for a kid but im pregnet and i hope that it is ok with you" I know you aint ready for a baby but its already happening and if you people really really extremly dont want this baby there is always adoption but starting a family aint that bad yes kids can be expenseve but when you love them money doesnt seem to be a problem and if he loves you he will understand + it is 1/2 is fault he did help (i hope) unless ur cheating on him!!!!<<<<<<

Answer 10

Well what you just said was pretty good.

You could go out and get little baby socks, bib, onesie, ETC and leave them somewhere you know he will look. You could right a little poem/note or something.

There are little ways like that to tell him.

He might not be happy at first but I think after alittle bit he will get to like the idea.