What means more to you? Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend or an object given to you by your ex?

Question

My Girl and I had a discussion about wearing a ring her ex gave her when they were together.bothered me because he treated her like crap,so I cant understand why ayone would want to keep anything after going though that, SHe said it means nothing to her but she just likes the way it looks.So I asked her "what if the earing that you like to see me wear was given to me by my ex".Sure enough she said she would be angry. (my ex didnt give me the earings)

Now other gifts have come up and she says the same thing, that they mean nothing to her. she says" You want me to get rid of them because it bothers you but why shouldnt I be able to keep it if it means nothing to me?". Why? Because its hurting me and makes me question her feelings.Those Material Objects have no emotional meaning to her but they do to me and in a bad way.It should not hurt her to get rid of them. Thats why I wouldnt keep or at least not let her see an ex's gift. Because I've moved on.

Am I being unreasonable?

Answer 1

If I were in love with someone and a material object bothered them I would get rid of it. Everything has symbolic meaning and if she has conflict over ridding this object of her hand then i would question her feelings to some degree.

This object obviously has associations to her as well as for you. If she values it more than your relationship then you know what to do. Find another girl, a girl who is a crazy in love with you as you are with her.

Answer 2

For girls, any object holds sentimental value to it. If the girl cherishes a gift from someone, it doesn't necessarily mean she still has feelings for that person. It just means that the gift, the person and events made up part of her life. I'm sure everyone's mum likes keeping photos, little souvenirs and what-not because women are basically sentimental creatures.

Guys, on the other hand, treat every object or event as HIStory....what's over is over... (Now, you know why the word was called HIStory rather than HERstory).

You have to come to terms with the fact that guys and gals' emotions and brains function very very differently. Even if you do move on to a new relationship, you have to learn to accept and respect each other's differences.

Answer 3

I think you are being a little unreasonable but then again so is she.If I was her I'd feel like you are trying to control me and don't validate my feelings and are worried about yourself.Guys and girls place different value you on possessions something your exgirlfriend gave you would just be a remainder of maybe the fact she dumped you while to a girl it is a memory of a past relationship.The item probably doesn't have any emotional value buit sentimental how long did she date this guy?were they serious if they dated for a long time of course she doesn't want to erase a big chunk of her life no matter the outcome of the relationship just like if you to ever break up she won't want to get rid of something you gave her.Explainly to her calmely why it hurts you without being defensive or bringing up how her ex treated tell her thaa it makes oyu feel like she is still stuck on that past relationship and that you believe that by wearing that ring you feel as if she still has feelings for her ex. Maybe you could compromise why not buy a nice chain for her to but tthe ring on that way it is not on her finger and you don't have to see it yet she has something from you and gets to do what she wants without it looking like you are controlling her.Ask her about buying a chain and having her wear it on her neck before you buy the chain that way if she doesn;'t like the idea you didn't waste any money.

Answer 4

Actually you aren't unreasonable. If she likes the gifts her ex gave to her so much why don't u replace them with better ones tht she'll love instead of like and instead of the ring she wears having no meaning it can be a symbol of your relationship. You don't have to be sad over this you can easier replace the gift that bothers you and everytiem she looks at her ring she'll think of you. Perosnally i'd be upset too if my boyfriend had gift around his room that he still cherished from his ex girlfriends. If you can't make her get rid of them REPLACE THEM =)

Answer 5

You're not being unreasonable. She is.
It's unfair for her to think its ok that she wears stuff given to her by her ex but she gets mad when you do the same thing.
It's time to negotiate a deal with her.
The earring was a good example. Wear other stuff that were really given by your ex. Make sure she knows they're from her. Then when she complains about it, tell her they mean nothing to you and that you just like wearing them coz you really like how they look on you "like those stuff given by your ex."
When she still persists on bitching about it, tell her that you'll stop wearing/using stuff from your ex if she does the same thing.
Fair is fair.
Good luck!

Answer 6

If it's a really pretty ring she may have picked it out and really just likes the way it looks. If her ex treated her like crap then there's no chance of her going back to him so I wouldn't sweat it. It's a small deal. Alternatively, you could get her an even prettier ring to replace it.

Answer 7

save ignoring her using fact in spite of in case you ask her she's nonetheless going to furnish you those comparable grimy seems. Your boyfriend became out of line for telling you that he nonetheless cares for his ex. That form of information could have on no account been instructed to you. How can he say that he loves you, yet he nonetheless cares for his ex?? Sorry sweetie, yet whilst he nonetheless cares for this female then you particularly somewhat need to exhibit screen out for your self. If he nonetheless cares approximately her then those emotions can get extra suitable. do no longer fool your self into questioning that they might't using fact they might. I easily have seen it. This female isn't well worth you talking to. If she desires to furnish you grimy seems then enable her. basically forget approximately approximately her and circulate approximately your agency. the only time you are going to be able to desire to confront her is that if she's all on your face wanting to combat you or something. or you be the bigger and extra useful guy or woman approximately this.

Answer 8

The most important thing to me would be my man. I would never wear something given to me by a former lover. Those things are cleaned out and put away when the relationship is over. I may wear a piece of jewelry if it looks nice, but never around my current lover.

Answer 9

I think you're right on!

Your feelings should be uppermost to your partner. The other person should be as sensitive to the others feelings and needs as possible.

She should avoid wearing the "former lover's" jewelry or using gifts, especially since she knows you are sensitive to them and what using/wearing them may mean to you.

(Please look with tolerance on the words "should" used in my personal advice to you.)

Answer 10

My Girlfriend...She's alive, she's not an object.....