I have a 2 year old and an infant. It is really important to me that they become friends later in life and I feel like I am already goofing up - the 2 year old already seems to resent her sister because of the amount of time I have to spend with her. Anyway, I'd love to hear from other moms (and dads!) with older kids on how they got their kids to become friends.
2006-08-25 13:22:56 · 18 answers · asked by Katie R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hey mom - My kids are all grown and I'd do anything to go back to the point of where you are starting. Not because I messed up in any big way, but just because I loved being a young mom and I'd do everything all over again in a second. So my advice to you? Don't worry... everything will turn out ok! Enjoy every day with your girls and try not to stress out about the little things. You will be so surprised at how fast life goes by. Give each one some one-on-one time (special times just you and her). Your 2-year old will appreciate you asking her to help you with the baby. And when she does be sure to praise her and tell her how lucky you are that she came along first because she's going to be such a great big sister. Make sure dad spends one on one time too (girls LOVE their dads). I'm sure you're doing fine (just by how thoughtful your question is).
P.S. Um... the teens years will really put you to the test. Those are the years that you must be a strong parent and not take what they say too seriously (aaack!). But hang in there... I'd even do those years all over again too (ha!)
2006-08-25 13:30:45 · answer #1 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are both too young for the relationship you want to build to start happening, but you can start by helping the 2-year-old feel more secure. You need to give her as much of your time as you can spare.
Try telling her things like "you were just like this when you were a baby," and tell her how much she meant to you when she was that little. Spend time alone with her, and not just when the baby is sleeping.
Let her help you a little bit in caring for the baby (and I do know the ability of a 2-year-old to do this might be a little limited.) For example, have her bring you a diaper and diaper supplies when the baby needs changing. Is she potty trained already? (It would sure help you if she were.)
There will be some resentment. Can't entirely prevent it. But they are so close in age that they will be closer as they grow older. Just be a loving parent. Help them both develop a sense of humor. They will be closer if they can laugh together.
2006-08-25 13:30:37 · answer #2 · answered by Warren D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good luck on this one. I'm not so sure that a parent can create friends out of siblings, but if others do, I'd sure like to hear about it.
It seems that friendship is dependent on the nature of the older child.
There are books on sibling rivalry, but I'm not so sure they bring about any better results than diet books.
My son has been largely positive toward my daughter but he has also torn into her. The more she benefits him, the nicer he is toward her. She plays a lot of what he'd like to play, so he has a companion.
I'm an older mom so I tell them that they only have each other throughout their lives. Parents die off and spouses sometimes get divorced, so they better not alienate each other because one may have to help the other through a rough patch in life. I think as they get older, the sibling rivalry is reduced.
But, on the other hand, a boy in my son's school was just arrested for killing his sister. I don't know whether it was rivalry or something else like drug abuse.
2006-08-25 13:39:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I remember my sister with her two little girls that were two years apart, and the older one was SO proud to be the 'bister' which is how she said 'big sister' with her limited vocal skills.
Enlist your two year old in helping with the baby, even though it seems like she's still an infant. Point out all the things she can do and how helpless the baby is in many different ways. Don't try to spend time with the baby alone the way you did with the older one; it will never work. Include the older one in your time with the baby even if she talks or plays music or with toys; the baby will get used to it.
2006-08-25 13:28:23 · answer #4 · answered by nora22000 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, as long as the infant is an infant the older one is going to feel a little jealousy.....be very patient with this because it is perfectly natural
my girls are 8 and 4 and they love each other so much. They do fight sometimes, but most f the time they are there for each other, play well together, share everything....my 8 year old teaches her sister all kinds of things.
Yours are so close together....just find plenty of bonding time for them to have together and the closeness will grow naturally.
2006-08-25 13:28:58 · answer #5 · answered by Cap'n Donna 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a dad and what i can tell you is that don't act with them as the authority. You are thier friend. Communications is everything. If you have a problem share it with them and take advice from them, don't make them feel if they are'nt important. Then they will start sharing with you because you showed them how. Take intrest in what they like, make your own research and they will feel that you are intrested in what they like. Your major goal is TRUST. Then all 3 of you will share everything, you'll the the link between the two, and this will build a strong relationship between them and you.
2006-08-25 13:30:31 · answer #6 · answered by elclone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want them to stay friends i suggest:
1. let your 2 year old help when she can. for example let her hand you the diaper and baby wipes when the baby needs to be changed.
2. show her how to play gently with her.
3. as they get older, don't let a relative invite one without the other so no one feels left out.
4. set aside personal time for you and you 2 year old so she knows you love her just as much as you love her baby sister.
5. always treat them as equals. never treat one better than the other. that will cause hatred between them faster than anything else.
good luck to you.
2006-08-25 13:33:35 · answer #7 · answered by storm_magus3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well
a simple tactic , for example , buy a present for the infant and tell her that her 2 yr old bought it for her and vise versa
talk to the 2 yr old kid , give her a kiss and tell her that the infant is giving it to her
make the older sister reponsible for the other , make her push her poussette , get her candy
hope it helps
2006-08-25 13:30:28 · answer #8 · answered by spikydaisy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dr Steve says that you should include both of your children in all activities and try not to show favor in one more than the other.
It is at this stage in there lives that they will develop the bond that two sisters share.
BUT, Lord have mercy on you when they discover sibling rivalry.
2006-08-25 13:30:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For your info, this kind of situation will not last long ..
Your daughters will be friends with each other when they grow up to the age of about 10 years ....
2006-08-25 13:27:34 · answer #10 · answered by Thong 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋