how do I stop my 15 year old daughter from burning things?

Question

I want to show her pictures of the pain & destruction it can cause & also stories behind the pictures, preferably ones where the fire was started by a child thinking it was ok to burn a tiny piece of paper. She doesn't know why she does it & I think the only thing I can do now is to scare her straight.

Yeah, good thinking oracle, I never thought of asking her not to do it. DUH!

I don't literally want to scare her so she's in a corner shaking & begging for mercy, it's just a figure of speech. I just want her to have a realistic view of how unpredictable & damaging fire can be. She is a very open & loving young woman, she is just a bit silly by thinking she won't cause any damage by doing what she does. She first started with candles, I found a cup full of melted wax in her room so I got rid of all her candles. Then I found things like half a biro, the other half was completely melted. Then I found candle wax on her new carpet so I mustn't have found all of her candles. Now she's burning bits of paper, I have just thrown away a lighter that I caught her with tonight after smelling burning paper.
I will not burn my daughter as someone suggested, apart from the fact that it is asault & child abuse, she has already been burnt & knows how it feels. A firework hit her about 8 years ago & set her arm alight.

I don't literally want to scare her so she's in a corner shaking & begging for mercy, it's just a figure of speech. I just want her to have a realistic view of how unpredictable & damaging fire can be. She is a very open & loving young woman, she is just a bit silly by thinking she won't cause any damage by doing what she does. She first started with candles, I found a cup full of melted wax in her room so I got rid of all her candles. Then I found things like half a biro, the other half was completely melted. Then I found candle wax on her new carpet so I mustn't have found all of her candles. Now she's burning bits of paper, I have just thrown away a lighter that I caught her with tonight after smelling burning paper.
I will not burn my daughter as someone suggested, apart from the fact that it is asault & child abuse, she has already been burnt & knows how it feels. A firework hit her about 8 years ago & set her arm alight.

Answer 1

when my neighbours son was doing something similar i took him down to see my uncle who is a fireman he talked to him and showed him some photos that fire damage can do some of them weren't nice , IT SEEMED TO HAVE SCARED HIM OUT OF IT . is there a fire station near you . they are always willing to help with things like that... good luck

Answer 2

Sorry to disillusion you, but even though normally little children go through a short phase where they love to burn stuff and wreck their toy trains, etc., there is no such thing as "scaring" your daughter straight. Pyromania is a character dis-order that can only be treated by a professional. Frequently pyromaniacs are obsessed with how their actions will impact society more as a "notoriety/celebrity" thing than as a good versus bad thing. They do not feel the connection between their actions and the hurt it results in, and as such are sociopaths. The only way they can feel self-importance is to destroy. They actually get high off it - in fact they loved being "almost" discovered and will increase the outrageousness of their actions the longer it is before they are finally caught. No amount of lecturing or scaring by you will instill any empathy for the pain of others into your child - in fact, she'd probably only get worse and tempt society to stop her by acting even more anti-socially. Go seek help and do it now.

Answer 3

Hello..
Scaring her into stopping isn't necessarily the answer. I'm sorry too, that you are going through this worrying situation. What kind of things is she burning..?...What is the extent of this problem...? Ths main thing to understand, and why scaring her isn't always the most constructive idea in the long run is that this kind of behaviour 9 times out of ten is stemming from an emotional issue, unspoken upset feelings, anger, fears, insecurities or peer pressure or problems with friends or family in general. Please consider this and do her and yourself a great favour.

Teenagers do have a tendency sometimes to take risks and enjoy getting a thrill out of it... the "we're young we don't care and we're going to live forever" syndrome, but in some cases these activities go to extremes, or they practice them at home in private, suggesting more of an internal problem.

Scaring her will only drive her to feel that you only understand her less and she may do it even more. Please talk to her, with love, and compassion, even if she is being difficult and obstinate ( perhaps she isn't ) but try reaching out first... this may help more than you yet know. (I'm sorry if you've already tried this...perhaps you could try it again in a another way..?)

If you're not confident in speaking to her yourself about this, (which is always best at first - there's nothing like an understanding heart to heart with a loving mother) , find a sympathetic doctor who can refer you to a good counsellour or therapist within the medical practice .(this doesn't mean your daughter's crazy, just that it gives her someone to talk to who can help solve the problems)

Compassion and patience, and courage and love can do more in an hour than a thousand scare tactics and threats etc.

wishing you lots of luck. x
take care.

Answer 4

Fire is a very interesting subject.

I'm not an arsonist, but I love fire, it is an amazing force.

Ask her, is it the amazement of watching different materials burn? I used to be the same, I'm now 24, and I dont have the problem, but I do perform with some fire. My parents couldn't stop me doing it, so they made sure I did it safely at least.

This is the best advice you can give her is to make sure she truly respects the power of fire, and how unpredictable it is. A local fire station would be the best place to ask.

Good Luck
Mark

Answer 5

Take her to the local fire station, or better still have someone from the fire service talk with her. they have just the right sort of information to give to her, to warn her of the extremely serious subject. I am sure they will provide enough information to suprise and shock her out of the habit. They are professionals after all. Have a chat to them youself, they are only too happy to help you, after all its in thier interest. all you got to do is ask.
I have seen some of the devistation fire can cause, and it will only end in saddness

Answer 6

You know, I've seen people post questions like this over and over on this site. Mom, the issue with your daughter you present here needs serious, professional answers. For all you know, some of the advice you receive here could come from a total lunatic. Maybe you should contact a professional.

Answer 7

Scaring her is absurd. Just tell her not to do it and tell her to act like an adult , try to make your self having pain if you go beside the burn things , let her read some stories

Answer 8

She might have that condition were they like to burn things, i forgot what it is called but they feel they need to burn things from some reason... I think they are called pyros or something...

Answer 9

You can make her understand by telling a story .
all you have to do is to show her that fire is harmful.
For example one of the characters in the story dies by fire.
the other thing is singing songs about fire which shows how bad fire is.

Answer 10

she doesn't need therapy, but dont ignore the problem. man you get some people on extreme sides of the fence here dont you.

the local fire service are fantastic about this sort of thing, pop in there one day and ask their advice...... they will be very helpful