I planned a birthday party for my son who is turning 9. On my weekend. While he was with his father about 1 week before the party, he apparently wandered off from his stepmother. I agreed he should be punished but requested they handle it at their house. The father blamed me for the incident altogether. Basically, they told my son his party with me is cancelled and that is he went through with the party he would be grounded for a month. So his punishment was to cancel the party, grounded for 2 weeks with threat of another month added. Is this ok? Can my ex run my household like this???
2006-08-25 12:06:47 · 21 answers · asked by mariasonawire 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
No he can't. The party should stay on. That's a bit harsh for a punishment. I don't understand why anyone would do that to a kid. No way. You keep that party. If he wants to punish him by not getting him a gift (which is cruel and ridiculous), let him. Don't spoil your son's birthday by listening to this guy.
It sounds like he's still trying to pull your strings even though you aren't together. Don't let him. Your son needs you to be strong and stand up to that nonsense. He shouldn't punish on your time. That's not right. Tell him no way.
2006-08-25 12:09:34 · answer #1 · answered by BeamMeUpMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not ok! Why should anyone outside of your household be allowed to run your house?
You shouldn't be blamed for an incident that happened when you weren't there, and it's absolutely ridiculous for your ex to expect something that is happening on YOUR time to be cancelled. You specifically requested that it be handled at their house - they should have honored that request. I see absolutely no reason why you should have to suffer for something you had nothing to do with.
As a side note, the punishment seems really really harsh even without the party being cancelled. You may want to think of what you would do if you had been in their shoes, and discuss more appropriate disciplinary methods with your ex.
2006-08-25 12:18:47 · answer #2 · answered by DALOmom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No he shouldn't but sadly that doesn't mean he can't. Yes there should be a punishment but you should never cancel a party for this reason 1 week before the party. People would have bought presents and fixed their week-end around it. He should have discussed this more with you, though he did talk to you and you told him to punish him at his house. Learn from this and next time work out a punishment together
2006-08-26 03:19:50 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is absolutely unacceptable. I can't believe that he punished you in the first place and then threatened him for your possible 'disobediance'. No wonder you're not with this jerk anymore. Have the party - screw him.
BTW - it sounds like he had primary custody. Turn that around.
edited to add: Your son is 9. You and he both know that having this party will get him grounded. Ask him how he feels about it. And give him a party that is worth a grounding!
And record any incidence of this emotional abuse and take it to a lawyer.
2006-08-25 14:15:51 · answer #4 · answered by AlongthePemi 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. Sounds like your ex is trying to punish you instead of your son, but is doing it through your son.
That isn't anyway to treat a child, and I think that your abusive, malicious ex should be kept well away from your son.
A punishment should be short and concise anyway, not have the threat of some more hanging over him. I think that your ex is a little power mad.
Let your son have his birthday party.
Your ex is being way too mean.
2006-08-25 12:19:15 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, your son's punishment shouldn't be punishing you on your visitation. How could he blame you for the incident when you weren't even there?
You should discuss this further with your Ex. When your son is with you it should be your rules not your ex's. Does he enforce your rules when he's with them?
Personally, I would still throw the party but call it a visitation celebration.
2006-08-25 12:11:32 · answer #6 · answered by C K Platypus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me as if he is trying to run things even though you are separated (divorced), and he furthermore seems to have a domineering control problem. The punishment should occour at his place, as this is where the offense occured. If the party is at your place, by all means, proceed with it. But, there is underlying problems he must correct and clear up, before it gets worse.
Also--if the boy wandered off from the stepmom, question is: Where was SHE at??? Child endangerment is quite serious, and she was not in control if he was able to wander off like that.
2006-08-25 22:19:36 · answer #7 · answered by Mudcat007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No! U should do a quick punishment and get it over with.Don't ever cancel a young kids b-day!!! Heck dont cancel anybody's party unless its a have to! B-Days are 4 celebrating their Birthday!
Don't Cancel his B-Day Party!
2006-08-29 11:14:57 · answer #8 · answered by domino06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You, your ex, your ex's wife, you husband if there is one, and they boy need to sit down and discuss. I would do this in a neutral location such as a park. If you don't believe he conversation will stay civil, ask your child's school to have a meeting there, with perhaps a teacher there to keep the peace and moderate if needed. There is more going on here than just the cancellation of the party, and it needs to be worked out NOW.
2006-08-25 12:15:06 · answer #9 · answered by Jill&Justin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what happens at his house is not yours to control. what happens at your house is yours to control. i think that he should have his birthday party and his father can attend if he wants, but he is not to be grounded for a month because he has a birthday party.
why would the father blame you for what happened when you werent there?
sounds like he likes playing head games and has a control issue. he cant run your house like that unless you allow him to. if your child is supposed to be grounded for a month because you throw him a birthday party, then id say he can stay home for the month without dear old dad.
2006-08-29 02:13:06 · answer #10 · answered by lodeemae 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋