can anyone cheer me up?

Question

feeling really down....tell me a joke or something funny that has happened to you.....anything really just please make me smile......

thanks guys...feel loads better already...kepp them coming tho...

Answer 1

Ignore that pink panther!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was clearly talking bout herself!!

Answer 2

Look on my-space, you have to register (it's free) but on there people send in there video's. there is Lot's of topic's. I always go to the Animail section. there you find cats and dogs and other things doing funny stuff.
Such as Dog's saying hello, or doing tricks, baby kitten's that make you feel fluffy and happy inside. cat's climbing wall's or falling off bed's or into fish tank's. there is loads.
I was laughing so hard before it 's put me in a great mood. OR you could visit my 360 page and make a new friend x either way don't worry b happy as the song geo's

Answer 3

A friends husband had caught an infection whilst on holiday through swimming in dirty water,which had made his groin area really sore.He got some cream from his doctor which had to be applied every morning and every evening.He woke up late one morning and said, "Christ I'd better hurry up,I'm driving to Manchester "(he's a long distance driver).On his return that evening,he was complaining at how sore he had been, so he went and had a bath.Shouting out to his wife who had gone to bed,"come and look at this"his wife got up.On entering the bathroom she looked at her husband who was still in the bath, he was surrounded by pubic hair floating on top of the bath water.When she looked in the bathroom cabinet,instead of putting the cream the doctor had prescribed,he had used his wife's hair removing cream in his rush to get going.He was as bald as a badger for nearly three years,as he had second degree burns due to sitting with the cream on for over l4 hours.He was not amused at his wife's response,hysterical laughter,anymore than he was at his doctor's response.he!he!

Answer 4

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree
begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son
of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says,
"Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech
or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He
replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is,
however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Answer 5

I dont really know what to say to make you feel better. I also don't know why you are so upset. But what I can say is listen to some gospel music, or some music that you can dance to. You can also hang out with some friends, or family. Just do something to get your mind off of whatever is making you so upset and down.

Answer 6

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"

She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."
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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
The widow replied, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea.
I just thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover
rather than the big **** he always was."
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An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise."

The old man faxed back:
"Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket .
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out

"Watch that wall!!
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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 am."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said,

"How soon do you need to know?"

Answer 7

my coworke followed a McDonalds semi truck during her lunch break. she thought it would take her to a near by McDonalds to eat. but she got lost and never found McDonalds. now thats stupid. to follow a semi truck. hahaha.

i dont signal when turning and it makes people mad. ahhahaha. i love it.

my brother used to fart only when passing me by. yuck. green eggs and ham dont smell all that good when coming out of the other end.

what else?

my underarms smell bad. its almost time to go home. and im down too. sad. stressed a little. life is hard. no time to have fun. all we do is work work work. i think we should all take a vacation and see how employeers do without us.

whos with me?

Answer 8

Here, honey, I've just the thing. His name is Lincoln - - Abraham Lincoln. You know . . . as seen on "The American Penny." Well, recently, old Abe's history is coming out. You see, lincoln enjoyed a little self-indulgence with the bottle.

Click on the link below to see "Hard Drinkin' Lincoln" ;-)

Answer 9

Listen to a song called chevy van. Made in the 70's. Sure to cure all ills.

Answer 10

Go to www.funnyjunk.com It should bring a smile to your face. Hugs Von!

Answer 11

OK Man standing atop of Mountain with mouth open.
might wait long time for roasted duck to fly in !!
think about it !! wierd !! Lynn