Why do a lot of couples wait?

Question

I always see questions about young parents, but none about older parents. I would like to know why do a lot of couples wait until they are in their 30's or 40'2 to have children? I had my children very early. I had my first child at 18 and my second at 19. No welfare or teen mommy comments please, because I'm not the typicial ex-teen mom. So, why do you wait if you waited to have children?

Answer 1

I'm 30 and my husband is 35. We got married 2 years ago. A year ago, we wanted to have kids. Then I went to a doctor and asked some questions about getting pregnant(I've known since I was 16 that I'd have trouble in that area) and her answers made me feel horrible. My husband and I talked about it and decided we would not try anytime soon and would wait and see how we felt later on. Right now, he works overnights(10-7) and I work days 8-3, so we don't have much time together. I don't want to be home alone all night with a child, and he wouldn't be able to sleep during the day if I was at work because he'd have to watch the baby. He's tried for a new day job but nothing has come through yet. I'm sure whenever it does, we'll revisit the child issue. But for now, the work schedule and tight budget are 2 issues. Another is, we're selfish. We like being able to sleep late and go out to dinner and not worry about finding a babysitter or bringing a baby with us. We have two cats and those are enough of a responsibility. We're probably moving in the next 5 years(to wherever my parents retire to) and we've talked about maybe trying then.

Answer 2

There are advantages and disadvantage to being a young or older parent

I think it really is a personnel preference. For people who are older and have children it may be that they just didn’t find the right partner in till later in their life. My aunt got married in 2000 she had been married before but no children. She and her husband adopted a baby boy in 2003, my aunt was 48. Sometimes she feels she too old to be a mother but then again having my little cousin also makes her feel younger at times too. Most older parents don’t have to worry about finical burdens that most young parents will have unless they are wealthy such as being a celebrity or their family has money (i.e. Hiltons, Johnson’s). They feel like they are grown up they’ve had their time to play and are truly ready to take on the parenting role, they’ve been able to be husband and wife or partner for while prior to having children.

I’m only 23, not married or dating anyone so I could see myself having kids in my late 20’s even early 30’s. When I do eventual marry I think I’d like to wait 2 or 3 years just so me and my husband can have time a lone, just being a married couple, kids change everything, not for the bad of course. Your life will never be the same once you have kids. I know a couple who were married for 8 years before they adopted a baby. Prior to having their child, they enjoyed doing things on weekends with their friends, they could leave at the spur of a moment. That all changed when they got their boy, of course they wouldn’t have changed it for anything but they’ve told me they enjoy theirs years that it was just them.

Answer 3

Because I like my job very much. I love what I do, it pays extremely well, and it lets me travel all around the world, and I spent 10 years in school to get this job. I could never do this if I were pregnant or had a kid. My husband also likes his job, and we are not willing to make any changes right now.
We enjoy being able to take a weekend trip abroad whenever we feel like it, and I like the idea that I can move in no time if my job requires that.
There is so many things I would like to try before I decide if I want to have a child- spend several months abroad again, buy a summer house, go dog-sledding, etc. I'd also want to have at least some college funds for the child even before it's born, in case something happens to me. I think parents who just pop them out and do not give their kids a chance to go to school are extremely selfish.

Answer 4

Many people choose to establish careers before they have children and then have the family.

I wasn't a "waiter", Like you I had my first at 18, but I didn't have my second until 28. I like the fact that I can relate to my 10 year old and I know EVERYTHING hes doing and saying. Because I had him so young, a lot of the slang and music he hears I know and can enjoy with him... As opposed to the "waiters" who call their kids music "noise". I can keep up with him. I think that when my baby is his age and I'm older, I won't be able to be as "active" as I am with the older one.

My mom was 32 when I was born and my sister and I had the ONLY shroud over her eyes. She wasn't 'up' with the times, so we pretty much used different language, if you will, when we spoke around her, so she wouldn't know what we were talking about.

I think the younger parents definitely have the advantage... I would advise to at LEAST be in your mid 20's before you go having kids. Have fun, go out, enjoy life first. That is what I missed having a child so young. Forces you to grow up.

Answer 5

First, I had a lot of living to do before I was tied down to parental responsibilities. I enjoyed going out for cocktails, attending concerts, traveling, and just enjoying all of the diversions that adulthood allows. My wife and I both worked the night shift, and enjoyed late night diversions and entertainment.

No regrets, but now we have to work opposite shifts so that our son isn't subjected to day care. We seldom, if ever go out for entertainment purposes. Our lives are centered on, and revolve around our home and child. My wife is forty five, and I am fifty, and at this point in our lives, we gladly defer from an active social life for the good of our son. We do not feel deprived or put upon. This would not be the case if we were substantially younger.

Oh, and I am SOOOOOOO looking forward to the day when he moves out. I haven't sparked up a doobie in many many years, and I miss it.

Answer 6

I waited ... forever. We didn't have kids at all. I just never felt the need to have children. What's the point? Far too many people in the world anyway. And I've read several times that the cost to raise a child through college is about $300,000 or more. Gee, I'd rather spend that on retirement.

I could never figure out why people are so eager to have children. I have known many, many couples with children who openly stated that they regretted it.

Answer 7

Some people wait so that they can live their lives while they are still young enough to appreciate it. Others wait so that they will be done with college and have a good job so that they can support their family. Others don't have a partner while young and are responsible enough not to deal with being a parent until married. Others take time to grow into the idea of having kids.

Answer 8

I can only answer for myself. I got married while I was still in college and wanted to have kids by about 25, but my husband was afraid that they'd put too much of a damper on his lifestyle. We ended up divorcing when I was 29, in part because of our disagreement over when to have kids. So I was starting over at about 30. I finally met someone that I have a stable, loving relationship with and we're thinking about having a baby next year; I'll be 37. It's not so much a matter of "waiting" as that's just the way it worked out for me.

Answer 9

My husband and I are waiting, we are 27 and 29. It's really just that we aren't sure we even want children at all. May as well wait until we are bored with our lives and we really want a child. We'll be better parents for it. If we never want one, then so be it. Some people want them right away and some do not. That's it.

Answer 10

I'm 23 years old and I'm happily married we're having our second child together I never saw the point in waiting untill I was in my 30's or 40's to have kids. I had my son now where having a girl and I couldn't be any more excitied.