His father has been in and out of jail pretty much all of his little life. Lately, he has been asking tons of questions about what his dad's likes and dislikes are, and since his g'parents tell him all the time how much he looks and acts like him, has been asking me if he will too go to jail when he grows up.
how can i help my little one?
2006-08-25 09:49:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of all speak with your son. Let him know that in the same way that you have rules and when he disobeys , you punish him, the country has rules and dad disobeyed so he had to be pinished. Explain to him what jail is all about in simple terms. Let him know that there are stuff that people learn in jail, stuff to make them better people and after a while they will be released but if they get naughty again, they will go right back to jail. Tell him that as his mother you will raise him in such a way that he will not want to do naughty things and so he will not go to jail. Tell him that he is a good boy.
Let him know that his dad was a wonderful person that's why you chose him, but dad just got naughty. Tell him that there is nothing wrong about looking or acting like his dad and find traits about you which he exhibits too. Speak with him about his father. Tell him about the positive stuff. Do not dwell on the negatives. Show him pictures of him and of course, tell him what his dads likes and dislikes are. Remember, as long as he lives, that man will always be his dad.
Also, your kid is now going to school. He sees other kids dad pick them up so his little mind gets curious. He may even be a little jealous or a little different from other kids and that makes him angry. Maybe other kids ask him about his dad and he does not know what to tell them. So please answer as many of his questions as you possibly can without giving too much details. Once he stop asking about a particular issue, it means that he is satisfied with your answer.
Counselling is good too. Get some advice from a counsellor, possibly the school counsellor. She will tell you how to deal with the issues as they arise and of course give you possible answers for others kids when they as the whereabouts of your sons dad. I am sure he does not wanna tell his friends that his dad is in jail. Good luck.
2006-08-25 11:06:50 · answer #1 · answered by Coleen W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that just because grownups sometimes make bad mistakes and have to go to jail, that doesn't mean that he will. Tell him that there are certain rules people have to follow, and as long as he obeys the law, he will never have to go to jail. You will have to provide a lot of loving support to this child. It isn't easy raising your son without his dad, and even when dad is around, he may not be setting very good examples for his son. At five years old, your child doesn't quite understand the reasons for his father's being jailed, but as he gets older he'll realize that society's rules were designed to protect people and are not just there to impose restrictions. You have a lot of responsibility right now for teaching your little boy right from wrong, but eventually it will pay off. As for his acting up in school, he may be taunted and teased by the other kids if they know about his dad. Just make sure he knows that what his father did was not his fault, and to try and ignore the remarks of his classmates. Kids can be very cruel. But if he gets a lot of positive reinforcement from you and his grandparents -- tell them to shut up already about how he's like his dad -- your son will weather the storm. There are lots of kids in the same situation, unfortunately. The sins of the fathers should not reflect on their children. My prayers are with you.
2006-08-25 10:08:33 · answer #2 · answered by gldjns 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's so hard. He's probably romanticizing his father in his head, making him out the tough guy hero. Do you have contact with his father?
I think I'd sit down with his grandparents and explain that even though he does physically resemble their son and may act like their son did when he was a child, they need to emphasize that your son IS not his father and may not follow in his footsteps. Your little one is own person and needs to find out that to be his own person is quite fine.
Tell him that going to jail isn't something he'd really want to do when he gets older. It's not a fun place. If it 's possible take him to the jail or prison his father is at , so that he can see jail isn't that wonderful and his dad can tell him that it isn't and he wouldn't want him to follow in his footsteps.
There may be other problems at school you're not aware , bullying , learning problems etc. Talk to his teacher, make her aware of what is going on with your son, perhaps she has some resources to help you with and to help him.
Little kids all want to be like their parents, they use mum and dad as their first role models however in this case your little guy needs to know he doesn't have to be like his dad.
2006-08-25 10:01:38 · answer #3 · answered by Lizzy-tish 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Monitor your son's visits with those grandparents and don't let them fill his head with this nonsense! Tell your son that while he may look like his dad, he is his own person and will not be going to jail when he grows up. It's very natural for him to want to know about his dad, but at age 5 you have to monitor what you tell him.
Is he acting up in school because he needs a male role model? Perhaps you can find him a "big brother" or maybe you have a family member who can spend some time with your son. Set rules for him and expect him to follow them, I'm sure he'll be ok.
2006-08-25 09:56:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your son to learn from his father's mistakes and make the choice not to do those things when he is older. Don't run his dad down, but explain that he made bad choices in life that landed him in jail and then tell your son some good qualities about his dad that he could imitate. Explain to the grandparents that by telling your child that he acts like his father is placing fears in your son of one day ending up in jail. They may be unaware they are scaring him.
2006-08-25 10:05:12 · answer #5 · answered by littlestory 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce.
If it's good for you... he doesn't sound like the type of man you want to be with, but all situations are different. You child is still young enough where divorce won't be as much of an emotional scar or trauma (as it is for some kids) as it would be later in life (10 and up). He'll see his dad when the situation is nicer, and you can make sure he's safe and being good otherwise. Hope I helped, and sorry if this isn't something you'd like to do! =[
2006-08-25 09:56:37 · answer #6 · answered by kae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that although grandma and grandpa say he looks and acts like his dad..does not mean he will end up in jail....His dad went to jail because he chose to do things that were wrong...Tell your son that if is a good boy and continues to be good when he is grown he will be just fine..
2006-08-25 09:57:58 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the truth Dad is in time out for something bad that be did, and unless he starts acting better her will also be taking a time out.
2006-08-25 09:52:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the truth. Tell him he will not go to jail because of his father.
2006-08-25 09:55:45 · answer #9 · answered by Puppy Zwolle 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
«has been in and out of jail» probably refers to petty crime; not a felony, but still not a way of living a decent life.
on the other hand, this is probably not the aspect of their son your parents in law are thinking of, when they compare your son with theirs.
that's pretty much all you need to explain to your son, in words he can understand, at his age.
2006-08-25 10:11:09 · answer #10 · answered by mr. c 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋