I am trying to care for my 78 year old mother-in-law at home, but lately she has been exhibiting abnormal behavior. I want her to continue living with me, but I can't take care of her and work too. I'm frustrated by her behavior: poor financial judgement, inappropriate laughter, jealousy, criticism, difficulty making decisions...Due to previous financal mistakes, I'm not sure she can afford to move to an assisted living facility. I need some direction and guidance, please.
2006-08-25 09:41:32 · 10 answers · asked by DD 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First things first, have her assessed by a physician. You need to determine if she is competent or not. Once you have answered that question and begun to address any other physical ailments you can determine what level of care she requires. Go to the community. Find out what organizations in your area offer respite services (when someone comes into your home to assist your mother-in-law). Call DHS (the Department of Human Services) for a listing of the companies in your area that offer assisted living. Most often services are paid for with social security insurance. If the physician and your family decide that respite services aren't enough, you will want to look into assisted living facilities and nursing homes in your area. Always remember, no one will take care of your family member the way you would. There are a lot of good people in social service, but these people aren't your mother's family, so cut them some slack when you go to visit (if this is even the route you decide on).
With respect to her behaviors: Getting old is much more difficult than being young. At least when you're a child you don't realize all the freedoms you don't have. This can be why people get bitter and say critical things. But if she is having reactions that do not correspond to the situation she's in, dementia could be in play. This is why it's sooo important to have her checked out by a doctor. Best case scenario, your mother-in-law may need her medications adjusted. Good Luck.
2006-08-25 09:55:44 · answer #1 · answered by one fine day 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There seems to be nothing medically wrong with your mother-in-law. My mom lives with me and exhibits some of the same behaviour. However, if I were you I would take her to get a good medical just to be sure. The doc will advise you if she needs to move to an assisted living facility. I can assure you that some parents do not do well in these living situations. As a result of the unfamilar surroundings and also because they feel unwanted and dumped, they just pine away and die. Does she need to have someone around to do stuff for her or can she function by herself? If she can function independently and she is medically ok, then just ignore her and you will be alright. Maybe you can do some minor adjustments to the house so that you can have a quiet place at times away from her.
Regarding her poor financial judgement, maybe you can have a banking institution or a close and trusted family member help her with that. All the best.
2006-08-25 09:56:18 · answer #2 · answered by Coleen W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have answered your own question. Medicare should pay for a nursing home. Its hard to let go when you can no longer take care of a loved one but its in her best interest if you seek assistance. When you start getting frustrated it upsets your life also and others around you. I would take her to the doctor for a full checkup, It may be any number of things wrong. Then ask for the doctors assistance on what he thinks best for her. They can direct you to help of many different kinds. In home care or living facilities. Do what you think is best for your mother not is what is best for you. Good Luck
2006-08-25 10:51:15 · answer #3 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your mil right, what does your husband and his family have to say on this topic? Are they capable of helping you out, either financially or by caring for her a day or two a week?
You need to get mil to the family doctor to see if there is any physical problem and mention to him the mental health problems you're seeing. They may go hand in hand or they may symptomatic of two different things.
Are you able to afford home care nursing or aides coming while you're working? Does your mum have insurance coverage for that?
Or could she be put in an assisted living day care program a few days a week while you are working.
It's a tough decision. You will probably need all the help you can get, but you need to get your husband's family more involved in this decision.
2006-08-25 09:52:55 · answer #4 · answered by Lizzy-tish 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has got to be hard on you, I feel for you. I think that if it has come down to this, she should be in assisted living. This could put a serious strain on your marriage and may affect it for the rest of your life. If she cannot stay by herself during the day then yes, assisted living is the answer. Dont feel bad about it either. Those places are not like what they used to be. She will probably enjoy it. Talk to your husband and see what he thinks. He will probably be totally against it at first but just let him know that she will be better off. You or him can go visit every day.
2006-08-25 09:50:01 · answer #5 · answered by trebobnagrom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough situation, I think you might help her with her money, ignore laughter that you think is inappropriate (you don't know what she is thinking or remembering). Laughter is good. Maybe hire people to clean for her, have a meal a day delivered from a restaurant, maybe some groceries, if she wants to and can handle cooking. Maybe make a separate apartment for her so she is not always in your way. You have to determine what you are willing to do and what you are not. Then just do that. Keep her home if you can, explain her situation and decisions so she will understand at least most of what happens to her and why.
2006-08-25 09:48:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be patient with her..Have you had her tested for alzheimers..she may be in the beginning stages which is called Dementia. If assisted living is too expensive then you need to get in touch with a lawyer , get her money where it is safe and no one can touch it..Then see about a nursing home...If your state has medicaid she might qualify for it then the state would pay her fees for it...But you have to be sure her money is safe or the nursing home will take it all
2006-08-25 09:53:38 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are able to have a live in aid or part time caretaker, I would try that first. I understand wanting her to continue living with you, however, if you are unable to provide her with the proper care she needs, you need to put her into an assisted living facility close to your home.
2006-08-25 09:47:42 · answer #8 · answered by jtj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are state and county run facilities that may be able to take her for less than a private facility. She may be developing some kind of dementia, you may want to take her to a doctor. Contact the local Alzheimer's Association office, they have many resources that could be helpful for you.
2006-08-25 09:48:31 · answer #9 · answered by Shmootsy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remember if you put her in some kind of "home-facility" someone has to pay for it....so why not just pay for a companion for when your at work...(like on Frasier)to make sure shes not "left alone" after all your gonna age too..what would you want your family to do with you?
2006-08-25 09:47:08 · answer #10 · answered by tami j 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋