My wife’s mother doesn’t want my wife to get pregnant, she is not happy for us!?

Question

My wife and I have been together for 5 years.

My wife is 23 years old.

She has mentioned to her parents the idea of us having a baby.

Her father was happy, her mother was not.

After a lot of mean comments from her mother, my wife confronted her.

Her mom said she felt my wife had no patience for a child and would “snap” at her children when she was frustrated.

She said my wife would not be a good mother until she has “worked” on herself.

I was stunned because my wife is patient, kind, loving, etc. and is a good wife and “mother” to our dog.

My wife said she is never good enough for her mother.

My wife has a college degree, a house & cars paid off, and a happy life and her mother is still not happy for her.

My wife cut her mother off for 6 months and went to a therapist because of her mother.

We are now seeing her parents twice a month, but they don’t know we are trying to conceive.

How do we deal with her mother when she finds out?

Answer 1

.F___ her.

Answer 2

Her mother has no right to have that much control over her 23 year old daughter. Especially with the emotional control of leaving her daughter feeling worthless is down right stupid. Your mother in law has done her part, she raised her daughter until she was old enough to leave the home and make her own decisions.

From the sounds of it, your wife has made very many good choices with her life, therefore, it is up to her to have a family. If your wife wants children, then go ahead and have children. If your mother in law still disapproves of it, maybe you both need more time away from her. Your mother in law may need the time to realize that her daughter is an adult, an intillegent person and is capable of being a wonderful mother.

You are first in your wife's life now. Be there to comfort her and reassure her that she is amazing to you, in so many ways. Let her know that you want children and that she wants children , you will both make children. It is your lives, not your mother in laws.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

It is not up to her! I know someone else dealing with this exact problem, where the wife is 8 months pregnant now, and the mother-in-law is still furious. This is how they think about it:

It's their choice to have a family, and it is her choice whether or not to accept it. If she chooses not to accept their family, then they need to cut her off entirely until she comes to terms with it. They got call display so that she can't call and harass them. They still get along with her dad, who visits them and supports them, and they guess he is keeping the mom up-to-date on the progress of the pregnancy. They are hoping she will change her mind when the baby is actually born, and she sees how well they raise her or him. However, they are not optomistic, but they refuse to let her stress them out anymore. They haven't seen her for eight months now, and they think cutting her off has been the best thing for their stress levels and how well the pregnancy is going otherwise.

As far as they are concerned, accepting the pregancy is the same as accepting and loving them.

Answer 4

Sounds like you and your wife have it all together. I believe that your wife's mother is not going to be any kind of a good influence in your lives. Some people are emotionally destructive and not good for you to be around.

Don't let her ruin having a baby for you - tell her, tell her you're both very happy about it and if she can't accept it and be happy with you, she needs to stay away. Period. You wouldn't want someone like this around your baby either, would you. You may have to stop seeing her for the mental health of your family.

Answer 5

You are merry to her not her mother and you and her need to say what you guys want. you asked her mother to merry her now it's up the you on the other stuff that come up. When she gets pregnant then just go to her house or by the phone and tell her mother and her father or talk to the father and let him explain everything to her. If she is that mean don't go to her house cause she might do something. After a while when she has the baby she will love him that's for sure.

Answer 6

This has nothing to do with her mother! If you two are trying to have a baby, the last thing you should worry about is your mother-in-law. Who cares? She probably just doesn't want to be turned into a 'grandma'. She sounds very selfish.

Get pregnant, have the baby and she'll come around. Grandparents usually end up adoring their grandchildren, no matter what the circumstances of their birth are!

Good luck!

Answer 7

I would say that when you do conceive, just be up front and honest about the pregnancy to your mother in law from the get go, she is probably just not ready for the idea of being a grandmother, but don't let her hear about a pregnacy from someone else, that will just open up a whole new argument. It sounds like your wife and you are very capable of having a child, Congrats to both of you for wanting to be parents.

Answer 8

Shame on your mother-in-law.

My first reaction is entirely knee-jerk, so forgive my rudeness. I'd want to tell her to tend to her own marriage and business before sticking her nose into your lives.

However, that probably wouldn't be the wisest thing to do. You'll need to sit down as a family unit and discuss things calmly. Make that a non-mutable *rule*, that way if it degenerates, you can quickly end the interaction at any point.

Then you and your wife need to set forth clear boundaries of what you find to be acceptable and unacceptable with interpersonal relationships. Don't let your wife's mother 'find out'....*TELL* her, and let her husband deal with her after this discussion is over.

You've got to set limits here, and they need to be limits that are comfortable for you & your wife. Present a united front and then live your lives.

Answer 9

I wouldn't concider it healthy to deal with her mother at all. She sounds like a very sour and bitter person.

Your wife needs to live her own life with you, which she is doing. The harder part will be to accept that her own mother will never love her in the way that she needs her to.

The flaw is in her mother not her. It's not unheard of for mothers to treat their daughters this way, sad though it is.

Be loving and supportive of your wife but do not expose her to the toxicity of her mother.

If, when you do concieve, you tell them and her mother says something nasty, explain to her that it's not her business to approve or dissapprove and that since she cannot or will not cease the unkind comments you will have to limit your familys (you, your wife and your baby) exposure to her.

Answer 10

Be upfront with your mother in-law about trying to conceive. Let her know that you will not tolerate her rude and spiteful behavior towards your wife. If the behavior continues, you should limit visits with her. You and your wife sound like you are both mature and willing to have children. Good Luck to you in the future.

Answer 11

I don't think its you and your wife that need the counseling, its your mother n law. She should be happy that her daughter has achieved so much. But remember once the by is here I'm sure she will change the way she feels, cause it will now be her grandchild she is hurting. if not them simply stay away from her cause once you wife is pregnant, she does not need any extra stress. Hope it helps.