why is he torturing me??!!? When will it end?

Question

This is long, so somebody PLS read it and give me advice. I'm losing my mind! Ok I am nearly IN LOVE with this man who works with me. He started off very friendly and we both flirted (VERY subtly) lots of girls came and went and had crushes on him. But all of the girls that I knew fancied him quit, except one. OK I've always been kind of 'uptight' around him because I like him so much. BUT that didnt stop us from having these 'moments'. There have been times that I would walk down the aisle at work and give him 'the eyes'. We had amazing eye contact and we both get lost in each others eyes sometimes.

I cant explain it right.. lets just say . When I get his attention, I do bold things like give him suggestive eyes, I beckon him over, hold the eye contact, make girly faces and all that. Its like one of those romance movies. I feel like WHEN we both are not being shy we have good chemistry. He always tells me that I speak too low and soft but when he hears me tries to listen.

Theres this girl... she likes him Im sure. They always hang around each other. They sit next to each other and talk. They take breaks together. From their behavior it looks like they are a couple (but not publicly) . I've always liked her. She seems like a good person and they would actually make a cute couple If they did couple up. I dont mess with other womens men. But I am just ASSUMING that they are together. They both send mixed signals. Like it sounds like she probes me for questions and sometimes gets jealous if it sounds like Im going to be in his presence. BUT she giggles with me and jokes that she is gonna tell him on me (like shes trying to tell me he likes me). I dont know if they are lovers or best friends! I never get to see him alone because she is always there! She could be a possessive lover or very supportive friend, but I wish they would just come out already.

So me and this guy havent spoken in about a month AT LEAST. I avoid him and I think he does the same. I was trying to get over him and I think I did, but then the other day he reeled me right back in. He was being very bold. I was talking with a friend and he walked by and said something. He looked back at me and then he gave me a smirk, so I watched him, thinking he was talking my friend, then he turned around gave me a look. So I stared back. He sat down and just stared at me. I moved around to see if he was actually looking at me and he was. His eyes followed me, SO I got gutsy. I beckoned him over to come to me, even though its against policy to move around. He kinda shook his head and reminded me. So he kept on staring down there at me. At the end of my shift, I went over and small talked with him. Just to see what he was going to say and he made me feel really comfortable so why not? I go over and start talking to him, but he was preoccupied with work. Bad timing on my part. So I linger around waiting until he gets off and its SOOO obvious because Im OFF of work. So Im giving him compliments and talking sweet and hoping that he can concentrate on his job, but this is the only chance I'll get so I take it. Then he does this face (I was breaking policy big time) and I start to feel clingy and I leave. I hoped that he would do the same the next day but he didnt.


She was there and here is what he did. He started off looking friendly and was a couple seats over next to her, then while I waited for him to say something, he fiddled around her desk. He kept on avoiding eye contact. He even started squeaking his chair (like a squeaky bed) and they laughed like maybe they have sex. BUT they could just be being childish. I tried to get her attention but she wouldnt even look over at me. He just kept on scooting over to her like I did when I was super shy around him. But, then out of the blue, I swear I heard him say something to me--but NOT look at me. But when I responded, he said nothing! He didnt even look over! Could he not hear me?! This is his typical behavior. One day we chat and it looks like things might be getting easier, then the next time hes all weird. I cant take much more of this! I am always soo tempted to offer him my nbr, but I dont know how without asking if hes with her first and i dont get in peoples business! Before you assume that they ARE a couple, please consider that they really could be best friends and not lovers.

He has always sent mixed signals! I dont want him to be mean to me, just dont look at me like he's interested. The expression on his face is priceless.

I will add that its MUCH easier for me to comfortable with a person 1 on 1 and when I get eye contact. I cant just talk to him out of the blue when she is around! Thats like a witness if I get rejected! I feel funny trying to get eye contact when shes there. IF I KNEW that they were an item, I would drop it completely, but its killing me because I dont know, hes sending mixed signals and HOW do you find out that without being innapropriate at work saying are you 2 together? That is rude to be in their business. HELP!

Whats his problem? He has to know Im into him! I give him all these signals and I even whispered in his ear to get him to realize. I am always kind to him when we talk. I even get shy around him. I dont keep the company of men and I've stopped giggling with the coworkers. I even started wearing glasses so that I wouldnt intimidate him! (b/c another guy told me i was beautiful and a catch and he thought i would reject him at first).
But, I have reason to not approach him, he has another woman around him all the time! What am I supposed to think? He has to know that having a beautiful woman around him is not going to land him a good, honest girl!

I know some will say move on, get over him and dont date a coworker. I wish it were that easy! I've been trying even dating others, but whenever we talk and he looks at me with those gorgeous eyes I just want to melt and it starts all over again. I just need good solid advice on how to make him approach me, figure him out or make him stop sending mixed signals! Is he shy? Is he a player? Does he want both of us? Does he want to know he has me on a string? Is he building up a chance to ask me out? Is she his life coach? His security blanket? Shy guys does this sound like stuff u might do? What about you players? There are so many questions I dont know what to ask! Also, you know if she wasnt in the picture I would have approached him a long time ago. I was sooo close to doing it the other day. But I have to consider her feelings. IF that is her man, I would never invade like that.

My worst fear is that he is just being nice and actually in a relationship with her and I will approach him innocently and she will convince him to charge me with harrassment. (No I dont harrass him at all, I barely even talk to him but we have amazing connections when we do)

Im asking Yahoo answers, because Im usually good at GIVING advice but I cant help myself on this one! Im pulling my hair out over this guy!

Answer 1

My advice is this: Life is too short to be tied up with someone that appears to be playing games - walk away.

Answer 2

Even if he is in a relationship with her, he is throwing you signals. But here's the kicker: he's also hiding from you behind company policy. Here is a man that would not be able to tell you he had a girlfriend if you met him under totally different circumstances, with her at long distance. Eye contact is a very effective way of connecting with people and understanding them, but he is becoming aware of the fact that it is a tool you employ when you are interested in him. Try something new for now, maybe try to add some volume to your voice with a bit of flighty eye contact. Throw him a mixed signal. This is a more effective way of playing hard-to-get from your field instead, and you don't necessarily have to avoid him either. However, I will point out that it does seem like she is into him, and they sound like an item. You should consider talking to her, instead. If you are worried about encroaching upon her territory, do that. Think before you leap, but know that many leaps are larger than first anticipated.

Answer 3

Calm down and take a deep breath. Ok I am going to say at this point you need to be blunt and forward with him, (and her). You say they are together and you can't talk to him without her there, so what. This is what I would do.Look at her and tell her your sorry to interupt, but you need to talk to him in private about something and see what happens. There really shouldn't be a problem because everyone has the right to a private conversation weather they are a couple or not. If all goes well and you can speak to him alone just say it! Tell him you need to know if they are a couple and you are asking because you have liked him for sometime now,but do not want to but in if they are together. If he say's yes to them being together then you have your answer and just simply tell him your sorry and that was what you wanted. If he say's no then just ask him if he'd like to meet outside work for coffee or something and talk some more. I mean you can change the wording around and all but you should definatly be able to find out the answers you need. Good luck!! It will all work out.

Answer 4

All your information is base on your observation at work and there is very litle information coming directly from him except wink, face expression and eye contacts.

You need more information from him directly (verbally) on what's going on in order to determine whether he's together with that girl or not. I would say you need to find a way to just talk to him to find out, maybe a cup of tea after work or just go to a near by starbucks.

Alot of information you got is all assumption and fact that's up for interpertation, so you really don't know what's going on. Find out for sure whether he has strong feeling for you or not, otherwise you'll question the "what if" all the time.

The only thing that strikes me as odd is that he isn't bold enough to make a move toward you, but he is bold enough to play around with that girl. There might be a possiblility that he is together with her and he's just flirting with you for fun.

There is no place for shyness in relationship; either you find the courage to take the chance or you will always be in the shadow watch other people's happiness (just like you are watching him having a good time with that girl).

Find the courage to take what you want in life, take the chance when it present itself. The worse thing that can happen is he say no, which is not too bad from where you are standing. You really got nothing to lose here.

Be strong, find the chance to talk to him. At least you'll know the truth and not driving youself crazy

Answer 5

gurl he likes u he is just shy and he is proballly trying to make u jeulous with that other girl dont pay attention take a stand gurl he is totally into u i should know there is this guy who likes me but he used to pick on me hit me bt now he is so nice he always wants to give me huge and gives me the eyes so he is totally into u so just litin up and hell come around but dont get ur hopes up to high though

Answer 6

sorry i can't read all of that that's jsut to lone g's why don't you just ask him one time

Answer 7

what was your ?