My mom pasted away last year and i take care of my dad, the problem is i have a lot of nephews and nieces and careless brothers and sister whom do absolutely nothing for my father and they are here all the time eating everything i buy make messes all day and never help in anyway and they never leave Ever, now i have spoke to my father several times about this huge problem and asked him to please all go home and just come once in awhile, it's not like there here for him they use his house as a hang out and my siblings only make matters worse. although i took it aponed my self to ask them to leave but the come back is. It's not you house so you don't have a say and my father well he doesn't know how to No..... So my delima is i now want to Move out with my little ones but i feel guilty for leaving him, i take care of him and take care of his meds and i know he needs me but i am stressed out everyday. So what do i do????? Help Me with real answers please........
2006-08-25 07:16:48 · 20 answers · asked by angel_64 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
1. I don't know how old you are.
2. Your siblings are selfish by not pick up their mess and not bringing a "covered dish" for their father.
3. Your father obviously likes the company. He could be depressed too.
4. No it is not your house but you are doing the cleaning, shopping, cooking and generally maintaining the place and they are all disrespectfull to you.
5. Don't feel guilty about moving out of this thankless situation..
6. Tell the visiting siblings they are now responsible for their father...and go.
7 You can always visit him and check up on how they are doing.
Don't be a doormat for anyone . Good luck.
2006-08-29 07:04:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say to let the amount of food in the house dwindle away. Like stray cats, when the food is gone, they will be too.
I have almost the opposite problem. My father-in-law lives with my husband & I. There are 3 other adult kids (my husband is the youngest at 43) None of them come by to see how he is, or even call to say "hi". He had a stroke in 1999, (he already lived with us then) and they were all crying, and afraid that they would "lose their dad, too". The mother died in 1979 when my husband was 16. It is sad because when he IS gone they will be sorry, but won't be able to go back in time.
Stay with your dad. Look into some paid help, like a home health aid, even if it is one day a week to give you a break. Do they all have keys to the house? Lock the doors.
Make sure any valuables are put somewhere safe, sounds like there are a lot of people coming & going there. If your father has anything that is of value, I am sure he wouldn't want it to disappear.
Otherwise be happy that they do show up. I know it can be aggrevating when it is so frequent, but remember me on the other end of that problem.
2006-08-25 14:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by tweetymay 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell everyone that you are planning on doing this, and that you want to show them how to take care of your Dad. Maybe one of them could do his meds, another the shopping, etc. then DO IT! Just go! They will drag you and your children down! Do not feel guilty, you have a responsibility to your children, and your siblings and nieces and nephews have a responsibility to your Dad if they are all living there and eating him out of house and home. Just do it! Good luck!
2006-08-25 14:23:30 · answer #3 · answered by verdes0j0s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your number one priority is your kids. Your dad is an adult. He needs your support and you should be there for him, but you shouldn't have to live with him. Tell everyone you feel you do not have enough quality time with the kids and you need their help with your dad. With the help of your siblings, make a schedule of responsibilies for each of them as well as promises to donate a specific amount of money every month if necessary. Does he need someone there all of the time? Does he enjoy having all of his kids there even though they are just hanging around? He might like all of the activity to help keep him from missing your mom so much. If he needs medical care around the clock try to get governmental assistance.
2006-08-25 14:30:36 · answer #4 · answered by dkwkbmn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I might as well kick in my opinion too.....I find it best when faced with this type of situation to sit down alone with my thoughts. As you think about things to describe this and how you feel, jot them down on paper. Get it all out. Then begin writing it up in a more orderly fashion on paper until you have it straight. Cover everything in detail and as precise as you can, no rambling, just the facts involved. It will take you some time to do this. You are building a case to save yourself and your children.
You are in a poor mental state right now, it shows in your writing so you need to settle down and think with a clear mind.
Start at the beginning when you were asked to move in with your dad and go from there. After getting all the facts in order, tell your story (they already know, but are not paying attention).
Explain under what conditions you are willing to stay. Post your responsibilities you perform for your dad on a daily basis.
Then prepare your list pertaining to the behavior of the family. If you are important to your dad, he is aware of it. If he doesn't want to make your life easier then he doesn't need your help.
Give copies of your paper to everyone in the family so they know where you are coming from and it does not end up in a "she said.he said" shouting match. Everyone is aware!!!!!
If no one wants to change the situation, then give your dad the date you will be vacating so he make whatever arrangements he has to make for the care he needs.
Then walk out and don't look back. Go to visit your dad and leave like the rest of them. He can deal with it on his own......Don't feel any guilt. You are responsible for your children first and your peace of mind. You owe your kids, not your dad or your family.
2006-08-25 15:09:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live there than it is your house too and you can tell them to leave. If you dad has a problem with that then you tell him that the living conditions there are intolerable and you need to find another place to live and raise your children. Don't feel guilty, you have a large family who lives around so you dad will be taken care of. When you leave somebody will step up.
2006-08-25 14:23:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them you were asked to live in that house so they're wrong about you not having a say so about what goes on. Let them know your father might have a problem saying no to them but you dont. Sit your dad down and tell him from now on, you'll handle them. Then do it. You better get a back bone or they will walk all over you.
2006-08-25 14:20:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try Citizens Advice Bureau
2006-08-25 21:19:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to put it to your dad just like that. If he doesn't put his foot down that your leaving and one of them can take over caring for him. If that doesn't work don't move completely out just for a few days and you will be missed. Must make a point though to maintain your sanity in trying to help a loved one.
2006-08-25 14:21:18 · answer #9 · answered by M D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe call a family meeting or while everyone is here and talk it over with them, they are adults they should understand. Tell them you'r working you'r *** off while they sit around, Ask for help once in a while. But sorry i can't be much help, Good Luck!
2006-08-25 14:21:08 · answer #10 · answered by nelo228458 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋