Why do some people think that homeschooled children are going to be social misfits?

Question

I think that all children are unique. In the public school system some, not all, children get eaten alive by their peer group. It crushes the "uniqueness" out of them. Most homeschool parents choose not to have only the socialization that public school provides. If anything peer pressure causes undesirable behavior such as drugs, alcohol, sexual experimentation, bad attitudes by those children they are socializing with. If children do not bend to the will of the more popular opinion they are made fun of, called names, bullied and just made to feel miserable. And everything that is unique about your child is crushed and broken because of this. I have seen it many times before in the public school system. Homeschooled children not only interact with their peers but with older, younger, white, black, hispanic, poor, rich, disabled, ect. They are more able to socialize much better with the public than other children that were schooled publicly. Not social misfits at all.

Thank you all for the frank answers. I did ask the question to get answers so I can learn what others think. But, I also chose to explain my own side of the argument. I thought I had made it clear that a lot of homeschooled children do go out in public much more than public schooled children do. And they not only interact with peers but people of all levels of social status (at least my children do). And as an adult when is the last time you've been made fun of because you were fat, quiet, smart, LD, or any other list of things..at work or on the street? Why should being made fun of and beaten up make you stronger as an adult? Maybe that will be my next question on here.

Answer 1

Because people base their thoughts on misinformation or faulty reasoning.

I personally would LOVE to know what sort of psychological training some of the people who are answering have!!! All kinds of pseudo-psychological nonsense that sounds 'good' but is so far off base.

I have taken courses on psychology and human development and nowhere did it ever indicate that children NEED to be surrounded with others the same age for 35 hours a week in order to learn how to relate to others. If that were a fact, the human race spent thousands of years doing it all wrong and all those poor people were thoroughly screwed up!

Homeschooled kids do spend time with other kids. At least all the ones we know and spend time with do. It's so ludicrous that people continue to think that homeschooled kids spend all their time at home in a little bubble.

If we need to be exposed to bad stuff in order to rise above it, why don't we put 3yo's in situations where they have to say no to drugs or cigarettes or alcohol? And for that matter, how am I, in my mid 30s, going to be able to say no since nobody's ever offered me a cigarette or drugs? Oh no, I've just realized, I was never offered alcohol until I was an adult. Oh my gosh, I'll never be able to say no!

And you know what, for kids to really see the horrible effects of drugs and alcohol, why don't we send them to go live with drug addicts? That would be the perfect way!

Being exposed to things is not the only way to learn. Especially when a lot of decision making is based on the ability to reason properly. My kids are growing up learning about the horrible effects of drugs and alcohol and we talk about various situations that could come up. They do NOT need to have the kid next to them at recess try to get them to take a puff of the joint he stole to grow up to be adults who don't smoke pot.

One response was right: peer pressure isn't what people make of it. The effects of peer pressure are more like self-pressure: the desire to do what you think will be approved of or to just be like everybody else. While there are cases of cliques and the like requiring certain 'standards', a lot of stupid things are done by kids in the desire to impress others or at least to not take the chance of being shunned. Because they have grown up surrounded by same-age peers, they often come to see their self-worth based on what peers will say or what they think their peers will say. Not everybody, of course, but there is a far greater chance. On the flip side, homeschooled kids do not depend upon their peers for their sense of self-worth. Most, although not all, grow up with a better sense of self and hit the teen years with more confidence and tend to be more mature than their peers. (Which means, of course, that they won't necessarily fit in nor have the same social skills if they do go to school because it's like throwing an older kid into a group of younger kids but the younger kids keep wanting the older one to be the same.)

The bottom line is this: there are screwed up homeschooled kids and there are screwed up public schooled kids. Some are 'weird' or socially inept because of how they are and they would be that way regardless of where they schooled. Most are probably that way due to things in the home (yes, that includes the public schooled kids.) Homeschooling itself is NOT the problem for those who grow up with certain social problems.

To think that an estimated 1 million (some say 2-3 million) children in North America are being homeschooled and to believe that most or all will grow up to be socially inept is simply ridiculous and shows an incredible lack of higher level reasoning.

I'm not saying that nobody should send their kids to public school. As Bethie wrote, SOME public schooled kids have serious problems. I'll add that all the others around them are at least exposed to all of that but with no obvious real benefit to them. The point is this: people are being judgemental about homeschooled children without knowing a da** thing about it. It's no different than being racist or sexist. It's a blind judgment about a group of people for the simple reason that they are part of that group. People cite a few cases, if they know any, and ignore the homeschoolers who each know so many homeschoolers they don't know how to begin counting them. But ignorance is bliss, isn't it? Because then you don't really have to think about it or learn anything more about it, you can just keep on spouting off your ignorant comments and feel good about yourself for not making that decision.

Rant over... for now. ;)

Answer 2

It might depend on the child and the homeschooling environment, but my experience with home-schooled children is that they do have a certain amount of difficulty socializing with peers. The kids I know, a brother and sister, have anxiety when they are separated from either their mother or each other, and, while they do have friends in the neighborhood, there are a lot of disagreements and fights between them.

As far as peer pressure, have we all forgotten what it was like to be a kid? Peer pressure is, I think, one of the biggest paper tigers we hear about right now. I can't remember ever doing anything seriously wrong or dangerous as a kid just because, "the other kids were doing it," or because they coerced me too. The things I got in trouble for as a kid were things I did because I wanted to, even if I did try to blame it on my friends when I got caught.

There are immense pressures to conform to certain standards in all parts of society, not just in public school. As they grow in to adults, kids are going to have to deal with these pressures, and I don't see how it helps to try and protect them from it. The sooner they learn to deal with these things, the better. There are definitely down sides to public school; being one of the brainy kids, I got my share of bullying and such, but I learned to cope.

I'm not against homeschooling by any stretch, but it does really take a lot of effort. The primary homeschooler needs to make it a full time job, and I think a lot of parents tend not to do this. And it needs to be a comprehensive program, that includes opportunities for the children to socialize with peers in a group environment.

Answer 3

Because they misinterpret the facts in a completely understandable way.

Some homeschoolers are sheltered, there's no getting around that. I also know several public and private schoolers who are sheltered in important ways; for example, they can't just talk to someone. They have to try to figure out that person's "rank" or something before they'll say anything.

But it's really sort of like saying you were sheltered as a child if you were raised in Finland until you were 16 and then your family moved to America. New music, new kinds of food, new currency, new culture, which would take some getting used to. But you weren't sheltered because you grew up in Finland.

Also people only focus on the screwups or they twist the facts to fit their beliefs. I've always been a reserved person. I went to school for five years and my friends were always older than me. I'm just quiet, and I don't care about pop culture. But people who don't like homeschooling will say that I'm sheltered.

I see so many kids in school who I knew in second grade, now in high school, and what's happened to them is terrible. Peer pressure has screwed them up. Their confidence is really low, they keep turning to stupid magazines for their role models (so all the guys are super aggressive and the girls are submissive anorexics) and all of them have at least been offered hard drugs. Several of them are no longer virgins, and they're 14.

Going to school teaches you how to cope with school. When you're in the tenth grade, only other tenth graders matter to you. But when you're 35, can only other 35-year olds matter to you? School instills a lot of counterproductive, stupid ideas that people think are part of human nature. But they're not.

If you want proof for the socialization homeschooling produces, look at history. Compulsory schooling is so astoundingly new. Was Abraham Lincoln a social idiot?

Answer 4

I think that there are two reasons why people commonly have that misconception.

The first is that many of the children who were homeschooled twenty and thirty years ago were socially stymied. There was not as much support for homeschooled children and those who did homeschool their children tended to be marginalized people. These kids were not given the social outlets that homeschool children have today. Despite the fact that homeschooling has come along way in terms of its social progress this conception has remained.

Secondly, most people today who advocate for homeschooling tend to be conservative christians. I don't know if you've noticed but there has been a sort of social backlash against Christians in this country recently. This social clash is being projected upon homeschooled children as well.

Answer 5

Well I think you are right in some ways and wrongs in others. Well maybe not wrong just ...
I think that everyone is different and learning in different ways, so you can't make a judgement call for everyone who was home schooled or for everyone who was put in public school. I can see your point about children who attend a public school and the social problems they develope. I think it is a hard decision to make about what is the best decision for children. I have seen children that were home schooled, and the children didn't have activities outside of the home other than playing with kids in the nieghborhood. I think in this situation they became uneducated on social skills that are basic and common sense to most. But they are book smart because of the "one on one" attenetion that they recieved from home school. I don't think that children who are home schooled really have that many peers though, also every situation is different. So it is not so easy for you to that children who are home shooled interact with everyone. This subject is very broad! I think that in either situation is up to the parent to try thier best to make sure to support thier children and try to make sure to cover all the bases with. But no matter how hard a parent tries, there is always room for mistakes and we have to learn from them or there will be loss. I tried my best to share my opinion with you from what I have seen in my life. I hope it gives you some insight on how different things can be, and how others view the world!! Thank You!

Answer 6

Because the think that "home-schooled" is the same as "kept-in-a-box-and never-let-out-in-public".

ALL the home schooled kids I've known have been remarkably well-rounded, socially relaxed, natural leaders, self-starters, and have more inventive minds because they were taught to FIND answers rather than memorize facts by rote as in regular public school.

The quality of the home schooling will of course depend on the parents. But those I know personally do a lot of OUT-of-the-home projects, internships, fieldtrips, and the like. They have plenty of scoial interaction.

I might suspect that some home-school for religious reasons, and they might tend to want to prevent the child from exploring the world. THEY might turn out to be a little socially inept.

Answer 7

I think this is a misnomer that's presented by media who's owners also provide the curriculum guidance for public schools via their large private foundations such as Carnegie and Rockefeller foundations.

Their programs are liberal/socialist in nature and are quite limiting in terms of free thinking and logic development.

They can't knock the homeschoolers in terms of results because they're far ahead of public school students academically, so they try to knock them in terms of socialization.

But they're completely wrong in that regard too. the Homeschool Legal Defense Association recently conducted a study on the issue of socialization using government research. The results are far from negative.

http://www.hslda.org/research/ray2003/Socialization.asp

FYI - my kids are all home schooled and they socialize like experts with all ages, social classes, races, etc. They're constantly busy with groups and teams, moreso than a lot of public school kids. The socialization issue is a misnomer.

Answer 8

It needn't be. In some communities where there is racial diversity as well as soci-economic, there are teachers who have a rigorous agenda and intense accountability to adhere to the fundamental educational standards. In the best cases, there is a better ratio (student:teacher) where kids get more attention and assistance from those who are not overwhelmed by crowded schools and an unseemly addiction to Standards testing at the expense of actual teaching of concepts. That said, there are an inordinate number of home schooling communities that are operating on the very fringes and who seek to isolate or segregate, and it is these who our society should fear for the indoctrination of our youth.

Answer 9

I think it is perfectly ok to home school, as long as you provide lots of opportunities for children to interact with others their own age. You have to be careful they are not kept in a bubble. I agree with a lot of the things you say about children being crushed by their peer group in public school, but they also learn how to deal with negativity. That is important.

Answer 10

It's just that knowledge comes not only from books, but also from peers. However, it is ignorant to think that home-schooled children will be outcasts or weirdos. But it is just as ignorant to think that public schools kids all get their uniqueness crushed out of them. I happen to attend a fairly large sized high school, but have managed to be myself instead of conforming. And if anyone dared to bully me, well, I know kung fu so I would take care of that easily.

Answer 11

You raise some good points.

However there are two sides to this coin... allow me to flip it for you.

I am a christian in college so I know how it is to go through years of public school. I also know christian and non-christian kids who were homeschooled.

It is my opinion that homeschooling is in many cases unnecesarry sheltering of a growing kid. A lot of these kids aren't able to express themselves with their peers... they don't know what they should about sex, drugs, etc. And then when they go to college and are finally free, they can suddenly revolt and turn wild.

However... if you allow your child to experience public school and give them appropriate boundaries, they should come out fine! TEACH them all about things, let them experience them. LET them get hurt some.

Personally, there were a few years in middle school that were really rough for me. I was bullied a lot. But you know what? I got through it with the strength and love of Christ and family. So I'm proof that a christian kid can ride through the public school system, face adversity, and come out fine. I didn't fool around sexually or get hooked on drugs or alcohol... although I was free to drink some if I wanted. Because of that certain amount of freedom, I feel no need to do stupid **** in college because I hav no reason to rebel.

Public school taught me how to interact with people... and it is such a valuable experience that I am so glad my parents put me through it. I would have been very lonely growing up homeschooled!