My wife and I plan to get pregnant with our first child soon.
She wants to take 3 months off when the baby is born and then go back to work.
She wants to work about 6 hours a day and her mother will watch our baby during this time.
My wife really loves her job, not just what she does but also the company, her co-workers and her boss.
A friend of hers went off on her about how horrible she is for choosing her job over her child.
My wife was upset because she feels she needs other stimulation other than being at home all day.
I know she will be a better mom if she is out of the house for a couple of hours a day.
I don’t think she would be happy without having an “outlet.”
Why would someone think my wife would be a horrible mom for working part time?
Sometimes people are better parents because they get a break from their children!
2006-08-25 06:04:12 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
People are not better parents because they work. God made women with the JOB and COMMAND to stay home and raise our children. Not to have our mom's raise our kids for us. Your wife is being selfish if she works. Tell her to think about the baby and not herself! If she needs a break you both go to dinner and a movie once in a while. You babysit while she has lunch/dinner/shopping with friends. Work is not a break, it is an excuse for her to not take care of her job. The job of mother is FAR more important than extra money! If she feels this way you shouldn't have kids at all. If she wants to work, she should do what is right for the child and stay hom till kindergarden, then work only while the child is in school. It is proven that children are happier and healthier and marriages are happier and last longer when the mother stays home. I think 5 years is a very small sacrifice for a beautiful, perfect little child.
It isn't about being old fashioned or 1950's. It's about the best thing for your child. It's about the commands God has given us. It is that simple. God didn't say, "Well, it isn't 1905 anymore so murder is ok now" It is the same thing with staying home. The Bible commands the wife and mother to stay in the home and the man to go out of the home and work. His rules, not my. Not my opinions, His COMMANDS. He doesn't change with the times. At one point my hubby and I were BROKE, about to be evicted, car repo'd, but we decided to follow God's rules and I stayed home. We have never been in that shape again. He tested and we passed so He takes care of us. I have not worked a day in my children's life and it is VERY hard sometimes. So is being a Christian though. The best things in life are the hardest things you have to do.
By all the thumbs down, it goes to show how many people put themselves and their finances over their children. Shame on you all! You can keep rating me down, but at the end of the day I am proud to be strong enough and Godly enough to do the hardest job in the world and do it with pride and joy! I've been put down by all my side of the family and look at them! They had jobs and all my family but me is divorced several times, kids out of marriage, drug and alcohol problems and on and on. It stopped with me because I decided I would NEVER let my child grow up with someone else as their "mommy". Too bad you can't make the sacrifice for your kids and do the same.
2006-08-25 06:17:11 · answer #1 · answered by Mom of 3 2 · 3⤊ 12⤋
Some people think being a full time mother is the end all and be all, for some personally it may be , but not for all.
It's your wife and your choice. That' so called friend' isn't a friend she's trying to browbeat and guilt your wife , who isn't even pregnant yet into doing something she doesn't want to do. Tell the friend to mind her own business, don't have alot to do with her anymore.
Your wife may feel differently once she's had the baby and after three months may decide to stay home an be a full time mum or she may go back to work part time to a job she loves and is liked by her co-workers. However it is HER and your choice and whatever you and she decide you'll both be happy about it , unless she sticks with this meddling friend.
That's the problem with some women, on either of the extremes,radical feminists or stay at home mums, they think everyone should do it their way becuase their's is the right way . Well not for everyone.
Good luck on whatever happens and don't let your wife's friends use the old guilt line of her being selfish, that's total bs!
2006-08-25 06:17:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
I made a choice to give up the outside job while having my last child. But in order to do so I still needed some form of income so I started my own daycare just a couple of children to help make ends meet. It is difficult whether one stays at home or works outside the home.There will always be someone some where that has something to say. In the end it's you that has to get up every morning & look you in the face or in this instance your wife and as long as she's happy that's all that matters.
I do agree you're a better parent when you have a break.
You appreciate what you don't have in front of you.
Good luck!! Whatever you decide will be right for you!!!!!!
2006-08-25 06:21:17 · answer #3 · answered by paintressa 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
her friend was cruel but if this is your first child your wife is in for a rude awakening. The baby is stimulation. there are baby play groups, and MOPS ( mothers of pre schoolers )
There are plenty of outlets, reading , writing, crafts, volunteer work and so forth. Im tired of people thinking that stay at home moms are these duds that arent stimulated at home, no offense BUT I can tell you the first time she tries to go back to work after having the baby she will cry like a baby for feeling guilty for leaving, it happened to an old co worker of mine
I do get breaks from my children, their father my husband watches them when I need alone time or when I have my moms night out. Im assuming you are able to keep a sleeping baby while she goes out and yes when the child naps its considered a break. good luck
2006-08-25 07:41:33 · answer #4 · answered by wilowdreams 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I know it hurt your wifes feelings for her friend to say something like that, but she shouldnt care what other people think. I went back to work after my son was born for the same reason, I felt like I would be a better mom if I had stimulation outside the home. It is you and your wifes decision and you are very lucky to have a mother-in-law to stay with your child.
2006-08-25 06:40:56 · answer #5 · answered by mommylee 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
To each her own! Nobody should criticize her for her choice. This is not a right-or-wrong discussion.
Your wife needs to ignore the criticism she will receive, because I'm sure more will be on its way.
It's good her mother will watch the baby, that's the next best thing. Family is the best.
Actually after the baby is born, your wife could change her mind for all we know. But even if she doesn't, she should do what she feels is right for her and the baby since there will never be a correct answer.
2006-08-25 06:12:22 · answer #6 · answered by Mahira 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
i am a full time mother and have a full time job. i wouldnt have it any other way. I get to spend quality time with my daughter and i get my break when i go to work. It has made a better mother. Lets see how long it takes before you have a mental breakdown if you never have time away from your child. That doesnt make you bad mother...actually it makes you a great mother because your life is balanced..its good to have a life outside of your children. If you are always "my kids, my kids, i cant my kids, i'll have my kids with me..." you will get tired of it, even though you love your children unconditionally, you will need a break. and if your break also involves you making more money for the children , i say its a pretty smart move! as for the woman telling your wife she's a bad mother, 1) she doesnt have kids or 2) she didnt get the oppertunity to work and be a mother and she's jealous. so just smile and nod. living better is the best revenge. good luck to yall!!
2006-08-25 06:14:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are completely right. If I had a family member to watch my kids I would be working part time too. I've been a stay home mom for 4 years now, and it is getting a little hard to deal with day in and day out, being the sole caregiver with no outlet. That friend who called your wife selfish isn't much of a friend.
2006-08-25 06:14:19 · answer #8 · answered by Heather 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Your wife would not be a horrible mother for wanting to work outside the home. Happy mom means happy baby. I agree with you she needs stimulation and conversation that does not revolve around the baby. Many women have a career and a family and their kids are perfectly fine. She should ignore her friend and you two need to do what is best for your family. It is not the 1950's anymore women do not have to be chained to the house anymore to have a successful family.
2006-08-25 06:10:54 · answer #9 · answered by butterflykisses427 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your wife should tell her friend to mind her own business. There is nothing wrong with working outside of the home after a woman has children. Unfortunately there are lots of people who think the way your wife's friend thinks and they always try to bash moms who work outside the home. You and your wife must do whatever it is that makes you happy and works for your family. Don't worry about what other people say there opinions don't mean anything unless you allow them to.
2006-08-25 06:18:05 · answer #10 · answered by latingirl0527 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
That's really not nice of your friend to blame your wife like that. People have their own choices and lives. Nobody can call me selfish just because I want to work after I have a baby. That's really none of anybody's business.
And who knows maybe after the baby is born, your wife would even change her mind. But even if she doesn't, it doesn't mean she's selfish. I'm sure she would make a great mom.
Good luck and don't listen to those people!
2006-08-25 06:15:25 · answer #11 · answered by Earthling 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋