Should I stay married?

Question

Should I stay married?
I was seperated from my wife for 3 years. We have 2 kids. After the 3rd year, I wanted a divorce. Well, I get the impression that when she saw I was ready to leave, she came running back. Now she wants to be with me. My feelings have changed. I am VERY easy to get along with but I just don't feel the same about her. She is very pretty and nice but I have changed. I also became friends with some other women. While I never became a boyfriend to any of those women, they were all very sweet and all wanted more with me. One girl in will ALWAYS be in my heart. So now I am this weird person with my wife. I am distant and always hoping her boyfriend comes back. I am sending her to school and hope she can become finacially independant and not need me, but she will be in school for 6 years. Is this situation unhealthy? We don't realy fight. We do have great sex! But I am not into her anymore. Should I stay in this relationship? I dont have any secret lovers. I feel like I just want my freedom.

Answer 1

seems like you are a pretty good guy. u stopped urself from cheating w/ these other women, even tho u aren't happy in ur marriage! the thing is, staying w/ someone if you are not happy is NEVER going to be positive. it is a noble thing, but it is not a Healthy, Positive thing for either you or your partner. that's the thing..most people think "oh if i stay, i am sacrificing for them, i am showing my honor for them"...and they don't realize that they are not showing any honor for Themselves. =T eventually this road u are taking is gonna lead to negativity.. no matter how good ur intentions are right now. u are going to resent, and even hate her for ruining ur happiness, ruining ur freedom, supporting her thru 6 years of college.. u are gonna treat her like Crap and end up not liking what kind of person you are. =T is that a GReAT dream future for yourself OR your wife? not really .....

what's so interesting about ur situation is i think u are finding that u need more in ur life. more than just great sex... most men, i believe, *think* that is what they want in a relaitonship. no strings attached, just sex sex sex. but look, u have it. but u don't have Fulfilment. u don't have True Committment. u don't have Trust.... therefore there's no real Future that u see for the two of you. and if u resign urself to that, u are shortchanging yourself AND this girl.

my advice to you is, if u think u are a great person, and don't deserve someone who is lukewarm, who cheats on you, who "doesn't do it for you anymore"...u are not even that interested in her... Let Her Go. for yourself, AND for you. u may think u are helping her by staying, but in the long run if u turn into a "bad" husband, neglectful, awkward, then u are not doing h er any favors either.... and u may even save both of you some hurt if u cut if off now. i think if u really love her, and think both of u can change and grow together, then give her that chance. but if u have already given up on her, then you are going to end up treating her unfairly. because you've lost that respect for her as a wife.... =T

seek waht is Positive, Healthy, Good, and ultimately Happy for yourself and people around you. i'm not talking about go mack w/ all those girls and have sex w/ anyone, and i KNOW u are not talking about that either cuz u have that w/ ur wife, but it's not SATISFYING you!! seems like u are ready and willing to find a committed, true, loving, and hard working relationship. something that will give u satisfaction from putting work into something that is Worth it. that is waht a real marriage, or relationship Should be! not being lazy or comfortable w/ a situation that is less than what u dream about... never shortchange urself, or someone else.

let her go so she can find someone who WANTS to be with her and take care of her and make her happy, not someone (yourself) who doesn't love her that way anymore. let her go so You can find someone who Wants to be with you, and take care of you, and that You want to be with and do everything for. that is what is Good, Right, Healthy, and Fair for all of you. it may hurt now, of Course! u married this woman cuz u *thought* it was it. but if it's not, it's ok. don't be a jerk to her, but don't shortchange both of your lives. encourage her to become independent, encourage urself to find someone who Chooses to be with YOU, not because she has to for your money, etc. good luck, i think u will choose the right thing for yourself. when u continually seek Positive, Good things in ur life, if will point u in the right direciton. anything that is negative, unhappy, unfulfilling, is giving you a SIGN that it will be much harder to fix. only u can decipher the pros and cons of that.

Answer 2

Do you think there is anything left for a marriage here? What if you go to counselling? What feelings have changed? Why did you seperate in the first place? Did she know you were dating when she came running back? Are you wanting out of the relationship for selfish reasons?
Why are you having sex with her if you're "not into her" anymore? Why are you putting her through school & her not getting a student loan? She would be eligible for some good programs being a single mother. And what about the kids?

You need to answer these questions & more honestly before any advice can be given.

Answer 3

take your freedom, stop having sex with her. go on about your life, but know that you are tied to her for the rest of your life because of the children. stay as friendly as you can, this now about the children & what they need. you will be paying child support for a long time, if you want to help her through school, great, but leave her now. stop using her if you feel nothing. you should probably have never gone back to her.. good luck

Answer 4

Whatever you choose, it has to come from the heart...

Ask yourself, Do I still LOVE her? If you do then what was the reason for your separation?

If you divorce, you'll break your children's hearts knowing their parents dont want eachother...Pushing you wife away means you dont like her anymore...

Remember your first date, your marriage and honeymoon and think if it's right to leave those memories behind...

I'm not telling you to remarry but just think about how you two feel first before doing anything...talk one-on-one before you file any papers and what-not...Believe in yourself and your heart and it will tell what is destined for you two...

Answer 5

If your not into her then you shouldn't be married. Be her friend, help her out. But if you no long feel the same explain that to her. Staying together when you no longer feel the same is bad for everyone involved.

Answer 6

If you don't care for her get out of that relationship you don't want to hurt her do you. Having sex with someone that your not really into is a horrible mean thing to do. Sounds like you don't deserve her. Let her go so she can find someone more worthy.

Answer 7

Instead of asking here you should ask a couples counselor, religious or not. People do change and grow apart and a counselor can help you figure out if the two of you can grow together again.

Answer 8

well i think you should give it some time you made a promise to her when you got married think about it and now the two of you have brought two children into this world you should think about that as well good luck

Answer 9

If your not happy in your marriage then why prolong it and make yourself miserable for 6 more yrs. I was unhappy in my marriage for so many yrs. and for the life of me, don't know why I stayed as long as I did.

Answer 10

tell her that you think it time that she move on becase you need to be free to do what you went i left my husbend for the vary same reson he keep me prasonner form my family i need be more happy now divorce thin married