Is interracial dating wrong and how do I deal mith my family about it?

Question

I am in this great relationship with a guy but my family doesnt "agree" with his skin color. We both love each other very much and are commited but this tension between my family and I is putting a strain on everything. He is willing to deal with whatever comes his way from my family and he says he loves me and is not afraid because he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. However I dont want him to have to go through that kind of harassment. I am not afraid but I am afraid for him and his well being.

My step-father has threatened his life. I dont know what to do. please someone. HELP!!!

my guy and I just recently (today) had a terrible loss i have though i have been pregnant for about 3 months now but i went to have a checkup today and come to find out i have lost the baby due to a car accident i recived about 2 months ago so apart from that i have resolved my issues with myself and thank you to all that responded to me. I appreciate this more than u can ever imagine.

Answer 1

I am in the SAME position as you.. Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years. His family sees nothing wrong with our love, but my family however saw may problems with it. Finally certain family members have came around and took it for what its worth. I told them Im not leaving him so they just had to deal with it. Is their hate more important then their daughter? Some of my family was ok with it from the jump. But I know what you mean with the stress. You just have to stick by what you care about and dont let it tare you down. I know it started to make alot of problems with our relationship but we have stuck it through and our relationship is better then ever. My mom really likes him now.. she doesnt like me talking about marriage but she will have to deal with that. Their are some family members that talk bad bout me.. but Im no worrying about it. I have enough things to worry about other then making every single person in the world happy. I have been in the same situation you are in now, dont worry about it though. You just have to make sure all the trouble you are putting yourselves through it worth it all. For me, it was. I have something that I never wanna give up. We have been through to much together. Im white, he's black. It was either family or strangers that had a problem with that. Funny thing was.. we really didnt notice.. It takes time for people to deal with stuff they dont like or dont understand. I say give it time, but know not everyone will accept it. But not everyone is in your relationship just make you and your man happy thats all you can really do. You might just have to cut certain relationships for your love. It all depends on what means more..

Answer 2

First of all, biologically, there are no such things are races. NONE. This is totally a social construct. There is nothing scientific about the idea of race. So, truly, there is no such thing as interracial dating.

Second, you should call the police on your stepdad for the crime of threatening someone's life. Seriously - what a jerk.

Third, you have a lousy family of origin. I guess you know that. So, is it really necessary to stay bonded to those people? Problem is, even if intellectually you don't want to, emotionally, you'll struggle for their approval if you're typical. I have a friend whose parents won't even acknowledge her children because her husband is black and she white. This is obviously painful for all involved, yet my friend keeps in touch with the lousy people, continually hurting her children.

So, you have a choice - make your own decisions and live with the consequences, or do everything the way your stepdad wants and live with those consequences.

It's so hard even to imagine people like your step-dad. In my extended family, there have been racists. Yet, when people of 'other races' have married into the family, EVERYONE is decent, polite, welcoming. Why can't your stepdad even uphold normal standards of human decency?

Answer 3

Interracial relationships are more common now than they've ever been. Its just going to take some time for certain people to accept it. I feel that if you two love each other and its a healthy relationship then you should move forward with your heart and continue to love each other. Support each other thru the bad times (when people are giving you grief about the relationship) it will only bring the two of you closer and make the bond stronger. And Hopefully, your step-Dad will eventually learn to accept this and be happy for the two of you one day. I don't know the two of you, But I am on your side!!!!!!! Good Luck and God Bless you both!!

Answer 4

I think you and I both know its not wrong. But I do understand that sure it could get complicated with the family. It comes down to this you either want to be happy for your self or for your family some times you make a choice and sure they may not be the best and remember some one that starts harassing him is already taking a step further away from you and truth is you need to speak with them about it. Don't be stupid because ignorance lives around you don't let it choose for you. Family is family no matter what but when your in danger move on until they respect your decisions. Speak up Girl.

Answer 5

Love SHOULD be color-blind. But all too often, it isn't. This is why interracial dating can be so difficult. While the two of you may be mature enough to handle it, others around you (even family) may not be. You will face both mental and physical aggression. I dated a woman of a different race many years ago, and actually got into a fight because two "gentlemen" (I use the term very loosely) disapproved of my dating a black woman. Well, if they knew how to treat their women....... but that's an entire different story...

Answer 6

Sounds like your bf is a winner. Forget about your stepfather: he's not the one who's gonna marry your bf or spend the rest of his live with him!
Talk to both your mother and stepfather. Tell them you don't wanna choose between your bf and them. But also make it clear, that if push comes to shove, you'll be moving out (if you and your bf are ready to start sharing a house, that is!). If needs be, agree that you will only come to your parents house alone, without your bf. But they will have to accept the fact that you won't be around their house very often any more.

Answer 7

I would have to say three things:
1. The Bible says that all men were created equal. Inter-raccial dating is not wrong.
2. Explain to your family about your feelings. Get through to them and make them understand what you're feeling.
3. Watch Save the Last Dance

Answer 8

my daughter went so far as to marry a man of different color and I can asure you she was not raised that way!!!!! at first I EVEN THOUGHT i HATED HER, she said Mother just give him a chance and you will love him,well she has been married before and I hated her husband and he was her color, i hated hem from the first day i met him and I beleve she only married hoim to spite me, they lived together 8 years and now divorced I thought I would be happy and then she met this guy at work when I found out I threw her out of the house, well a problem came up and he stood by her side and did not care what anyone said and throu that I came to know him and she was right I do like him I would take him 3 times over the one she was marries to , we get along fine now all I have to do is get the other kids to give him a chance because I know they would like him as much as I do so you just let your love for him get you throu this and I can promise you your stef father loves you to much to do something that stupid he is just trying to bluff you! dont let him keep true love from you because love is not that easy to find.

Answer 9

Sweetheart I have dealt with this issue all my life. I have realized that my mothers ignorace will not take my happiness away. I'm sure you love your parents but the have to understand you are your own person . Try and sit down with them and talk explian to them that you love this person not for there color but the way they treat you and for who you are with them. Use an example say for instance would you rather me be in a realtionships with a person of my same race who treats me horribly beats me cheats onme or this person of the oppistie race who treats me like rolyalty ?? Hopefully that will leave them speechless and at least will make them think about it for that moment and realize you are mature enough to know who you want to be with !!

Answer 10

I don't know your family, but by the sounds of things, they are pretty narrow minded.

Do you really want to carry on living by your family's standards. If you have kids, do you want them to grow up and hold the same narrow minded views that the rest of your family (not you) hold?

Tell your family to stick it where it belongs and this is your partner...

Tell your partner you are very sorry about your family, and that you want to go forwards in life, not backwards. The idea is to break the cycle of racial hatred, not give in to it.