My 12 year old step-daughter lives with her mother 4 hrs. from us. We have her for visits. I don't feel she is being taught any kind of responsibility from her mother, and her dad knows it but won't enforce anything when she is here because we have her for such a short time. She's a great kid, and our relationship is good, but she needs more guidance. A tracfone was bought for her a few months ago and it's purpose was to be used only to call here. Her mother often told her no to calling, so this allowed her to call whenever she wants, but she abused her minutes and called people she shouldn't have. My husband is not happy about this, but he bought her another card and has intentions of laying down the law about its usage. i don't think he will. What can i do? Should I stay out of it? I want her to learn to be resposible, but I feel like my hands are tied. If they allow her to be irresponsible, she will only abuse it more as she gets older. Any suggestions would be helpful.
2006-08-25 03:59:58 · 15 answers · asked by jeffandchristymoss@verizon.net 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think that since u are say that your relationship with your stepdaughter is good, maybe u can just drop her hints on responsibilty and let her know that her actions are irresponsible... cite her examples to convince her and also explained to her why she needs to be corrected. You shld not stay out of it cos even though she might not see u as a step mom, in a position of a fren... u still have a right to correct and guide her and offer her advice.
2006-08-25 04:08:32 · answer #1 · answered by veramira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I will suggest for you to never take the possition of a mother, step children don't like it. Be her friend and talk to her in a way she will never know you are trying to give her advices. Reward her for the good things she does and tell her stories about you when you were her age. The time you got in trouble and the consecuences.
Have you seen the monvie "Step Mother with Julia Roberts"?
I am no step mother, but I know a whole lot of them.
You are a great stepmother. A great woman. Ask God to give you the answer on you dilema, He'll guide you for the good of all of you.
I wish there were more step mothers like you.
God Bless you and your Family.
2006-08-25 11:09:06 · answer #2 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to her father and her mother. See what's going on and if they have suggestions for you or if they think you should just butt out. No offense, but a step-mom or dad can be a doormat to the step children. Let the ground rules get worked out so everyone understands and knows the consequeces of their actions. Then it is up to mom and dad to lay down the laws and stick to it. Good luck, but there is only so much you can do. Speaking for experience.
2006-08-25 12:11:31 · answer #3 · answered by breeziewmkg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a child brought up with a step parent my suggestion for u is not to get in it, unless asked. Although u may have a good relationship she may turn ur guidance into resentment and not accepting it and rebelling. Step parents are ok as far as being a pal but not for stepping in and acting like a parent. So please stay out of it until asked.
2006-08-25 11:23:07 · answer #4 · answered by ndemby05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well because ur her stepmother and u sound genuinely concerned about her, i would address it w/the father (ur husband). but u need to put great emphasis on the fact that u really care for her and love her as ur own...
u both should speak to her together especially if ur part of her life when it comes to her getting lil trinkets and things such as the phone.. let her know about being responsible and then i would have the same convo w/her mother..
2006-08-25 11:05:08 · answer #5 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step-daughter... means that you need to take a side step about issues to an extent. Stand by your husband when he speaks about the min... then your hubby should say...well no more min then and you only talk to her when you all call her. You may think that the mother is not doing her job... however you do not live in that house.
2006-08-25 11:04:36 · answer #6 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone. It is not your responsibility to teach a child that does not live with you responsibility. Leave this to her parents, these types of things can only cause problems. If she steps out of line at your house let you husband know that she has broken a rule and he should deal with it.
2006-08-25 11:04:28 · answer #7 · answered by Brad C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a good lady, but sometimes youjust have to let certian things pass youby this is yr husband and his ex wifes duty and business as a freind to this girl you can just talk to her abt general things and do yr bit of educating her as a friend.
2006-08-25 11:28:49 · answer #8 · answered by haboba13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As tough as it is, I do think you need to stay out of it. Her biological parents need to sort it out, and then you need to support whatever decision they make. Talk to her dad about how you feel. show him what you wrote here, but he is the one who needs to discipline his daughter, in cooperation with her mother.
Being a step parent is a difficult job. These sites may help you.
2006-08-25 11:13:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not the child's biological mother, but you can still be like a second mother to her. Just be a good example for her. Talk to your husband, and maybe he will talk to his ex. I wouldn't recommend talking to the child's real mother because, well, she'll just tell you you're not her mother, etc, etc, etc....Just do the best you can, hun.
2006-08-25 11:07:18 · answer #10 · answered by Kiara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋