Punishing punishes me?

Question

It started out as a wonderful, fun project. My 5-year-old and I were going through a magazine to find things that start with the letter O to cut out and glue to a peice of paper.
I sent her upstairs to the playroom to get her glue stick, and went to change the baby's diaper.
In that short time, she had snuck the scissors upstairs (bad enough to begin with...climbing stairs with scissors) and had cut her "bangs".
I spanked her butt and told her she couldn't play with the neighbors for a week. Now the problem is she's under my heels because she's bored. What's up with that?

Yes... they were safety scissors.

Let me just interject here that there was absolutely NO argument on her behalf about getting her butt popped. She knew what she did the minute I walked in the room and admitted to it freely. The spanking didn't bother her one bit, therefore the additional punishment was enforced. It's too late anyway, because she's already been spanked and that won't change.

Answer 1

Welcome to motherhood and get used to it. It is for the ultimate good of your child.

Raise your kids and spoil your grandchildren or spoil your kids and raise your grandchildren.

Answer 2

If the punishment punishes you then try something different or shorten it the next time. Instead of grounding her for a week make it only a day or two - this way you can lengthen it if she continues to misbehave. OR you can try it the other way around - ground her for a week but give her time off for good behavior. If she can make it for three days without annoying you then you give her those last four days back to be with her friends. This gives her some incentive to behave.
You should also make the punishment fit the crime. Deny her use of the scissors or craft supplies for a time.
Also, since she is grounded she now needs a way to fill in this extra time. Mom, it does fall on you to provide that entertainment. Let her help around the house, play some games with her, put in some extra reading time, have her read to the baby.
Yes, she is being punished but sitting around with less to do is tough at five. Heck, it's tough at 38.

Answer 3

How did you "grounding" her from playing with the neighbors have anything to do with using the scissors in an inappropriate way? I would tell her that you made a mistake with that punishment and instead give a punishment (if you must use one) that limits her scissor use.
Or you can just use the fact that her hair is now cut funny and needs to be fixed as a natural consequence and move on.

Answer 4

Why is it that everyone else knows how to raise our kids better than we do??

How come I'm told by others that I'm not allow to spank my child as a way of discipline as long as I'm not physically injuring that child??

That's what is wrong with this world today, there is no discipline in the home and the kids are growing up to be a bunch of spoiled brats that have no sense of responsibility or common sense.

I'm sorry your child cut her hair but I have no problems with how the discipline was doled out.

The fact that you now have her under foot is a matter of finding something else for her to do while you are busy. She needs to be made aware that she is being punished and that is why she is there with you but that she isn't allowed to use you to occupy her time, that she needs to find something else to do because you have your chores to do. If she wants to be around you all the time then she needs to help you, not get in the way.

Good luck and I'm glad to see someone is still taking control of their family lives.

Answer 5

First of all, except for a few early on learning experiences, my wife and I do not physically punish our daughter (she is an only child). We had issues with our parents on this one. I was spanked by my parents and I know my mother-in-law has (early on) spanked my daughter. Yes, my daughter does now, at 7 years old, have a stubborn streak and a will that often takes quite a bit of negotiating to get her to do something. However, I hope, when she's grown up, that she isn't afraid to question her teachers--her superiors in general--because conformity based on fear is the first characteristic of an individual who shirks leadership.

Answer 6

My daughter did the same thing, only she whacked her whole head, twice. Next time... don't let her use scissors for a week. The punishment should be related to the crime...the neighbor kids didn't hand her the scissors. You could sit her down, and explain to her that you are going to "re-do" her punishment. Talk about using scissors, and walking with them, and so on. When she asks to use scissors again, go over the punishment and reason again. It worked with my daughter.

Answer 7

First of all, I want to say that spanking her isn't beating her. I hate when people jump to that conclusion. If they don't want to spank their kids, that's their choice, but they shouldn't impose that upon you.

You need to stick to the original punishment and just deal with her being under foot. Find things for you to do together. Let her help you take care of the baby and find things she can do with the baby. I understand the punishment because the best policy is to take away something that means the most to the child. Just stick to it and know you did the right thing. Safety scissors or not, it's dangerous. Our daughter has done the same thing.

Good luck!!

Answer 8

The longer you parent you learn which punishments "punish you" and you stay away from them. I would stick with the grounding because it is important to be consistent. I think cutting hair is part of a child's learning right from wrong. They all experiment with things and push limits and it is punishment enough walking around with a bad hair do. Next time you want to punish think if the punishment fits the crime. As a mom, I understand that you were doing a good thing, trying to teach and have fun and she went and messed it up. Kids do that, grrrrr.

Answer 9

Not very logical consequences for what she did. I don't see the connection?
Why not just not let her use scissors for a while or require supervision with scissors?
Parents CAN admit that they make mistakes. How about saying, "You know, I think grounding you from playing outside was a mistake. What I should have done is ground you from using the scissors."
Also, isn't how she looks now a pretty big natural consequence of what she did? I'd think looking weird for a while would be a great punishment. Maybe make her save up to pay for getting her bangs trimmed properly so she doesn't look funny?

Answer 10

Give her other options. Instead of not letting her play with neighbors, give her chores to do. Or if you do tell her she can't play with someone, give her more details. Such as, you can't play with the neighbors, but you can play in your room. Or better yet, give her 2 options of punishment and let her choose which she thinks would be suffice. Such as, telling her what she did was bad, she shouldn't do that. (give reason why, she could have hurt herself) Then ask, if you were Mommy, what would you do? If she doesn't mention a form of punishment, then state, Well, Mommy thinks she should either not let you play with the neighbors or give you more chores (or whatever punishments you think would be best in the situation). Talking and getting feedback from her helps her understand that what she did was wrong & why it was wrong and lets you know that she knows this.

Answer 11

next time make a consequence that makes you happy, rather than just making the punishment that she cant play with her friends, make her help you around the house. find all kinds of things that she would be able to clean or help you with and keep her busy. that will keep her from not being bored and also helping you get stuff done around the house. now obviously you're not going to make a 5 yr old clean the bathroom, but you can make them organize thier room, pick weeds outside, clean walls, anything you can think of, be creative. just keep her busy and out from under your feet.