I was dumped last wednesday by the girl of my dreams. We had been 2gether 4 nearly 8 months, but I know she is "the one". It is all my fault as I have been buleamic 4 nearly 12 months. It all started after a difficult split with 1 of my ex's, it did stop when I first met "the one" but started up again abt 1 month ago. I was doing my best 2 understand my problem & read up a lot. Buleamia & Anorexia r closely related & once I had my new found knowledge I started 2 see that she was anorexic. I consulted her family & they all agreed, & pushed me 2 talk 2 her about it, which was met with a lot of aggression. In my quest to understand why she was so down all the time I began 2 suspect something had happened in her childhood that could b 2 blame. I was correct & she did tell me what had happened, but made me promise 2 keep it a secret as her family did not know. During my "quest" 2 help her I let her secret slip 2 her family, her sister told her weeks later, & I was dumped on the same day....
2006-08-25 02:16:36 · 12 answers · asked by Ryan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know that I have betrayed her trust. She currently says "she will not let herself forgive me", but I know that she is special 2 me & I definately don't want this to be the end. This all got out of hand because I have an eating dissorder (which she knows about). I have tried talking 2 her, sending her flowers & writing letters. All I can give her now is time, but how can I just sit here & do nothing while the love of my life doesn't trust me anymore & I can't be with her. I made a big mistake thinking that when she told me what happened that she wanted me to make things better for her. I thought I could help, and now I've lost her. Help Please!!
2006-08-25 02:21:10 · update #1
By the way, I went 2 the doctor yesterday & will see a counsellor some time next week, but I am doing this all for her. I can't carry on hurting her like this. Not when I care about her so much...
2006-08-25 02:22:37 · update #2
Dude. Due. Dude. ....Buddy.
You're messed up, she's messed up. Neither of you is good for the other until you get yourselves collected.
You can explain your intentions, but cannot MAKE her forgive you. If you keep pushing, she will only resent you. Tell her you will always be there for her, send her cards on the holidays.
Straighten out your life. If you get collected you provide a better anchor for her if/when she needs it in the future.
Keep in mind. You think you were helping her.She may have be thinking she was helping you. You betrayed her trust, right or wrong. Time, effort, and space is the only way to mend trust.
****UPDATE****
If you are doing all this for her, you are doing it for the wrong reasons and you are tying your happiness (and wellness) to another individual. Do YOU think that is healthy?
2006-08-25 02:37:48 · answer #1 · answered by IknowNothing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When someone keeps a secret about a bad event that occured to them when they are little it is because they feel shamed. To gain her trust back she will need to realize there is no shame in what happend to her.
It happened to her she did not choose it.
Work with her family to provide her support and understanding. DO NOT have her family tell her how good you are and that you were trying to help it would likely push her away. The next is time and attention. Be there for her put yourself out there but don't require her to give back. It will be some time because she can not forgive you until she forgives herself for the past.
Kar
2006-08-25 09:40:50 · answer #2 · answered by Karynth 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would give it time. Seems like there are a lof of issues going on with you two. Try and reach out to her, but carefully. Let her know you know you made a big mistake, and that you're there for her any time she just wants someone to talk to. Who knows, in the end it might turn out for the best.
On a side note, in reality, there is no "the one". Its a fairy tale idea, and the reality is, there's actually thousands of people who could be decent partners for you. Don't get locked into a horrible relationship cause you feel no one else can possibly be "the one".
2006-08-25 09:24:50 · answer #3 · answered by Dizazter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You betrayed her trust and you my never get it back again. It is very difficult to trust someone after they betray you by telling something personal talked about in confidence. I mean, it's not like you spilled the beans about a surprise party or something. You took the trust this person had in you to be able to confide in you and what did you do? You told her family....probably the worst people you could have told. You have a lot of making up to do if she is ever going to forgive you. And, building trust back — if she is willing to — will take time. It's not something that will happen quickly. You will have to prove that you are worthy of bring trusted.
Good luck. I hope it works out.
2006-08-25 09:25:12 · answer #4 · answered by eriqak 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a tough situation. Your heart was in the right place and I think that she will come around once she knows where you were coming from. She is in denial and she is angry that she now has to confront her situation. She does need help. Have you tried to contact your local eating disorder clinic?? Perhaps you can still keep in contact with her family for now to see that she gets the proper help she needs and in time she will forgive you.
My 11 year old daughter was on the road to Anorexia and I jumped on it right away with our local sick children's hospital. Eating disorders are defiantly an emotion response to traumatic situations, so Your girlfriend has to address her secret to move on in her life in a healthy way.
Good Luck
2006-08-25 09:26:24 · answer #5 · answered by Louise On The Edge 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is the one then just give her time and let her know that you are there and very sorry. It is easier to lose someones trust then to gain it back. Why don't tell her that you need her to go with you to get help with your bulimia. Show her that you need her. This way you both can get help and that might bring you both closer.
2006-08-25 09:27:15 · answer #6 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to disagree with your conclusion but it didn't all start with your problems. It's a combination. It may be easier in the short run for her to hide whatever it was that happened to her. It will eat at her for the rest of her life, if she does that. BUT, it's got to be her choice. If she could taste the freedom from dealing with it, the choice would be simple. Here's a site for counselors: I recommend therapy for both of you: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ppc/prof_search.php?iorb=4764
PS. We have nieces who "had something happen" to them and they dealt with it rather late in life and wish they gotten to it sooner.
2006-08-25 09:26:04 · answer #7 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her your sorry and you were just trying to help her because you care about her. Be nice and patient. If she is the one she will come back to you.
2006-08-25 09:19:54 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel Bitchface 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try talking to her and tell her you just wanted the best for her you didn't mean to hurt her or mistreat her or tell her secret but you care about her that much to make it better for her
2006-08-25 09:36:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek professional help.
2006-08-25 09:18:50 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋