Any good jokes ???

Question

bored of saying the saying the same ones all the time!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 2

Well there woz 3 blondes who walked in2 a building.................... u think one of them might have seen it !!!!!

What do u call a Donegal man in Croke Park on an All Ireland Hurling Final day???
an garda!!!!!!!!

What do u call a man with a spade on his head???
Doug!!!

What do u call a man with no spade on his head???
Douglass!!

Okay now for the longest one!!
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, woz ploddin thro the Afghanistan desert when he saw sumtin far off in da distance.

Hopin 2 find water, he walked toward the object, onli 2 find an old Jewish man at a small stand sellin neckties!

The Taliban asked, 'do u hav water??'

The Jewish man replied, 'I hav no water. Wud u like 2 buy a tie?They r onli $5'

The Arab shouted, 'Idiot Jew! Israel shud not exist! I dont need an overpriced tie. I need water! I shud kill u, but i must find water first'

'Ok,' said the Jew, 'it does not matter that u dont want 2 buy a tie n that u hate me. I will show u that im bigger than that. If u continue over that hill 2 the east for bout 2 miles, u will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water u need. Shalom.'

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours l8r he staggered back.

'Ur brother wont let me in without a tie!!!!!!

Answer 3

Whats a Shitsu?????????
A Zoo with no animals(",)

Blonde goes into her GP for a checkup. everythings fine. On her way out she tells the GP of her boyfriends dandruff problem, "it's simple just give him head & shoulders"
the blonde stands there with a dazed confused look on her face........several minutes later she ask's "how do you give shoulders??"

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The
contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it,
and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP! "In the second room she told the
painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote
this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled
"GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said
nothing.

In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm
rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window,
opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side
up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes
laying sod across the street."

An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.
"If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?"

"I'd have to say the living one."

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"

The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want

Answer 4

On her way home from an all night party, the girl was stopped by the traffic
cops and breathalised.
Looking at the results one of the cops said, "You've had a few stiff ones
tonight,miss".
"How amazing" she said "i didnt know you could tell that as well".



Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
***********************

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese
sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
***********************

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
**********************

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
**********************

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.


A couple had just got married and as they went upstairs to bed the groom
turned to his new wife and told her to put his trousers on.
"But they dont fit", she said.
"Exactly, remember that, i wear the trousers round here.
Inflamed, the new wife took her knickers off and threw them at him.
"Ok" she said, "put these on".
He replied,"i cant get into these".
"You're damned right you can't and you never will if you don't change your
outdated attitude".

Answer 5

Hi, I have put some jokes and other stuff on my personal website. Check it out and give me some Feedback from the Feedback link on my website.

http://www.geocities.com/johncena_yo23/


If you have not noticed, the link is a Geocities website. It is not and cannot be a virus.


For the time being here is a joke.



George Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.

"You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear.

Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed.

"You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps.

"Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"

The last to arrive is George Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

Bush looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."

Answer 6

One wise person found the answer to the most difficult question on earth :-What comes first...Egg or Chicken?
Answer: Whatever you order first will come first!!!

One woman goes to heaven. At the entrance of the gate a Saint stops her and asks her to spell ''LOVE". She spells it correctly and goes into heaven. 5 years later due to some reason the saint couldn't guard the gate and asked that woman to stand in guard. After sometime, she sees her husband come. She asks him what happened after her death. He told her that he became really prosperous after her death. He won the State Lottery, married a woman 20 years younger to him, had children again, brought a new bunglow and had 5 new cars!!!! After the conversation, the man asked what he had to do to get in. She said that he had to spell a word."Which word?" asks the man......"CZECHOSLOVAKIA!!!!!!!!" said the woman

Hope you liked it!!!!!!

Answer 7

okay here goes !!!!
CAN I TELL YOU A JOKE
person says yes
ARE YOU DUMB
person says no
WHATS 1 ADD 1
person gives answer
WHATS 2 ADD 2
ditto
WHATS 4 ADD 4
ditto
WHATS 8 ADD 8
ditto
WHATS 16 ADD 16
ditto
WHAT WAS THE FIRST QUESTION I ASKED YOU
the person will always reply with ' are you dumb ' wich makes you look smart as **** and the the erson look stupid as the first question was can i tell you a joke !!

Answer 8

What you call a blonde doing a handstand?

A brunette with bad breath!

What's green sticky and smells of pork?

Kermits middle finger!

What's long brown and sticky?

A stick!

Answer 9

two goldfish in a tank....one says to the other.." do you know how to drive this thing " lol
whats yellow and smells of bananas........monkey sick
bhuddist runs into a cathedral and shouts.......my karma has just ran over your dogma...lol

did you here about the dislexic satan worshiper.......he sold his soul to santa
whats the biggest drawback in the jungle..........an elephants fore skin

Answer 10

a women went into a charity shop and bought a magic mirror costing $1.99, which she thought was a bargin so she took it home and hung it on the back of her bedroom wall, so she asked ''MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL MAKE MY BOOBS SIZE 44'' ping so it happened. Her hubby came home and ask her what she had done, she replyed i bought a magic mirror and wished for boobs size 44, so the hubby went upstairs and wish '' MIRROR ON THE WALL MAKE MY DICK TOUCH THE FALL'' so his legs fell off.