my mother and father got the divorse 20 years ago . and my mum raised me up and took care of me without my father help.now i wanted to know him so i saw him many times .and when i told her she threw me out to live with him .as she hate him so much. plz tell me :is it wrong that i wanted to meet him and know him ?
2006-08-25 01:25:09 · 22 answers · asked by oomx555 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
she said that i betrayed her and dealed with me as if i were a wor criminal?
2006-08-25 01:32:31 · update #1
No it is not wrong that you wanted to meet & get to know your biological father. I think that is pretty normal.
Your mom is probably feeling REALLY REALLY hurt!
Think about it.....She raised you all on her own.. (which it is hard to be a single mom!) She put all her time, love & life into raising you & now she feels betrayed & unappreciated & probably unloved! Thats all!
It sounds to me like she hates/despises him... for not being around for you & HER when you were younger. In alot of ways I do not blame her! But she HAS TO FORGIVE him! Until she does .. she will be angry & this will be a sore subject forever!
DO NOT be mad at your mom.
Try to talk to her face to face (with out your dad present)... Find out what she is feeling..LET her know that you DO LOVE HER & appreciate her! . Alot of her frustration will be anger at first, let her vent it all out! She will probably say some mean things that she DOES NOT really mean to say... It is Anger! Try not to argue with her! Listen to her!
Hopefully she will get it all out & open up to you & tell you what is really going on with her feelings.
God Bless You & I will be praying for you!
Hope this helps
2006-08-25 02:18:25 · answer #1 · answered by Joeysol'lady 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No it is not wrong and it is understandable that your mother hates him. He did not help her at all with raising you.
Call your mother and explain to her how you feel about not having a father when you were growing up. If she starts to yell, continue to talk calmly. She will eventually get tired of yelling.
Emphasise on how much you love her but you feel empty without a father while everyone else has one.
Just be honest with her. She too has to understand your situation. If i were in your shoes, i would do the same thing you did.
All the best!
2006-08-25 08:30:20 · answer #2 · answered by shopaholic 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no, not at all. Talk to your mother in a calm way. Show her that your love for her is incoparable to any other but you have the right to know who is the person who gave you life. Tell her that apart from everything you can never forget what she did to you, her sacrifices and everything and that if she really loves you she can`t get off you so easier. You want her to be part of your life, no matter who your father is. But there is nothing wrong in knowing him
2006-08-25 08:35:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no sweetie there isnt ne thing wrong with wanting to see ur father....i have been through the same with my mother n father he left when i was 3 and i never had that close relationship with me....there was an empty hole n my heart which im sure that u have also that u just wanted to b filled by the love of ur father n there isnt ne thing wrong wit that...n the thing with ur mother is probably alot of hurt n anger from the past and she is just takin it out on u.....im sure she doesnt mean too but hey wen u raise a kid on ur own w/o the father there is hurt that u build up.....so talk to ur mom n tell why u went to see him...n continue to see ur father cus u need to father figure....best luck n the future
2006-08-25 08:33:28 · answer #4 · answered by 8 Months in counting mommy to be 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
its not wrong to want to know your father and its also not wrong to forgive him for being an absent parent if he wants to make it up to you now. and your mother needs to get over it. you wanting to be in his life does not dimenish your love and relationship with her. Call her or send her a letter telling her you still love her anyways and you going and meeting your dad was not about her it was about you and that you hope she will get over it so you too can still be close bc you will love her no matter what and all she is doing by throwing you out and treating you this way is hurting you both and any future grandchildren you may give her. Its been 20yrs and she needs to move on. Good luck and maybe suggest counsling for her and you
2006-08-25 09:00:41 · answer #5 · answered by starrmerlan 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong to want to know your biological father. It is totally normal.
Your mother may feel hurt and upset because of her feelings towards your father. He wasn't there for you growing up, and it may have hurt her feelings that after all the time and money she spent raising you, you still had the need to know your father.
You need to talk to your mom and tell her you didn't mean to hurt her, but you felt a need to get to know your biological father.
If she cannot understand, ask her to go to counseling with you.
2006-08-25 08:29:04 · answer #6 · answered by anabele6 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you were right about wanting to meet your dad to which you did. Ask for your mother 's forgiveness since you meet him behind her back and make her understand the importance of getting to know your father as well . Do it in a nice way and good luck.
2006-08-25 08:43:55 · answer #7 · answered by sweetme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no I think it's great, you need to know him, maybe they have some troubles , but he's still your father and it's gonna be better for you trying to get close, it's like having an empty space in life and now you have the opportunity to fill it with new experiences next to him, you have to give you the chance to create a relation with him or at least an opinion about him
2006-08-25 09:00:18 · answer #8 · answered by Beba 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is hurt that you want to see your father. She worked hard to raise you and does not think your father deserves to see you. She is wrong. You are not. You have the right to see your father.
Good luck to you.
2006-08-25 08:29:45 · answer #9 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well probably ur mum was hurt when she had this divorce 20 years back... and she wudnt have wanted you to meet him... but if i was in ur shoes i wud have met him too and asked him things i wanted to know... Your mum is probably upset that he never showed up for the last 20 years and things like that... I personally dont think it was wrong for you to meet him...
2006-08-25 08:30:20 · answer #10 · answered by UK GUY 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋