I left them alone at home,I feel so guilty:(((?

Question

I'm very worried.Now I'm at work.My children's father is dead,so we live alone with noone else:( I go to work since the beginning of this week but I think it's not right to leave them alone at home.I have neer left them alone but now there's nobody to brng money so I have to work:(And how can I help them get used to being alone?And how about if children services come?And what will I do if something bad happenes at home?My children are a girl and a boy.The girl is 16 and the boy is 17.Please help me:(

Answer 1

There old enough to look after them selves yes your going to worry but if there sensible they,ll be fine. At that age they could get jobs themselves

Answer 2

Your title is right on: YOU feel guilty. So, a couple of things... your kids are old enough to be alone. They're old enough to have jobs of their own. They are probably really digging being home alone (sorry Mom) No one from Childrens services will take them away at that age unless there is other signs of true abuse (and believe me NO ONE thinks that leaving a teenager that age at home is abusive) and if they're playing you with your guilt, that's what they're doing. I don't know of any teenage no matter how close or how much they love their parent doesn't appreciate their time alone. So when you start to feel guilty remind yourself why you're working. Is it to feed them? So you can buy clothes for them? So you're not out on the streets and they have a roof over their head? Thing big picture and you are doing absolutely what's best for them. But I also think that mixed with your guilt is the fact that you miss them. So make a point to have dinner every night with them if at all possible, or make a day that's yours with them. They are teenagers, so they'll hate the idea to begin with, but if you enforce it and it's every Sunday from 3:00 on (just an example) and you play Yahtzee or cards or cook together that's your time; it makes you feel special and it can teach them a thing or two. I used to use Sunday afternoons to make dinner for the week (vat of spaghetti sauce, roast a whole chicken, bake a pork something, things that weren't expensive but would last throughout the week) and I made sure that they were engaged in the whole process. My son now cooks for Hyatt as their traveling chef - I'm pretty certain he wouldn't have gone that route if I didn't make the Sunday meal thing mandatory. SO STOP your guilt, you are doing everything FOR them, if you were not working and not providing for them and things were dangerous that's when you should feel guilty Good Luck

Answer 3

You can stop worrying about anything happening with child protective services. I kind of find this hard to believe that this is a real question. Your children at 16 and 17 are plenty old enough to be alone at home. If they are having trouble with this it is probably because they have not experianced it at the age that most children do.
One thing you could try and make yourself and them feel better is to call them frequently and make sure they have your contact information incase anything were to happen.

It is unlikly that anything worse will happen when you are not there then when you are with the children being nearly adults. If you trust your children to behave well and do the right things without you there to supervise, then they can handle it.

You are depriving them of the chance to learn how to be alone. They need this experiance very badly before they go off into the world alone.

It must be hard to leave them alone for the first time, especially all the years that it has been. It is hard for me and my children are far younger than yours. I hope everything works out well for all of you. The most important thing is to relax and realize that your children will know what to do because you have been a good mother and raised them well.

Answer 4

You're being way too hard on yourself. These kids are old enough to take care of themselves and think of the independance and responsibility you are teaching them by allowing them this freedom and trusting them with your home. It sounds to me as though you have always had to be there for them, as mother and father and now that you are trying to seperate from them it's understandably difficult. This is just seperation anxiety, it will get better in time, if your kids are making you feel guilty it's only because they have come to depend on you so much but they'll get used to it in time. You're doing the right think by going back out to work, this will give you a chnace to think about yourself for a while, meet some new friends. If you decide to give up and stay at home your children will be leaving home soon and you will regret not having took this chance. Good luck.

Answer 5

as long as they are over 14 child services cant do any thing as far as them being there alone. Try getting them in a schedule make a chore check list and post it some where and have a time for eat play and homework. also find something they like and do some thing special like come in hug and kiss them and put on some funky music and dance with them for 10-15 minuets just to let them know mom is still alive and loves them more than life if they look at you like your crazy just take one of them by the hand and encourage them to dance too.. also make sure they have all the emergency #'s and know what to do if some one comes to the house and no boyfriends or girlfriends over we dont want anyone getting pregnant hahaha. Keep your head up and try not to feel so bad. You would feel worse if you were hungry and broke and not doing anything about. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

They are old enough to be left home. Since you have been with all their life, you have instilled morals in them by now. Children service would not take children at this age away from you, children of age 16 and 17 are getting jobs babysitting, maybe that is something the girl to do bring in extra money. Relax, enjoy your job. Sorry to heard about your loss. No reason to feel guilt.

Answer 7

They are OK to be alone and if your job allows then you can call. Just make sure they know the rules and assure them you love them and you have to work now and just because your not there and their father is gone doesn't mean that they are alone. Children's services wouldn't do anything as they are old enough to get a paying job. Good Luck and wish you and your children the best, I am sure this is very difficult.

Answer 8

They are old enough to look after themselves. Just make sure they know the neighbors well and rehearse what they should do in an emergency to give you all peace of mind. Have a cooking day in the weekend so they can learn how to prepare good meals for themselves. Honestly, don't worry about it. Child services won't do anything because they are old enough to be alone in a house. You will all have to get used to it someday and you need the money so don't let it stress you out.

Answer 9

I think your being just a little over protective. Your teenagers should be receiving Social Security from their father if they are still in school. They both could get jobs themselves and help. If the kids were working and not at home, you would not worry as much.
A mother holds her children's hands for a while, their hearts forever.

Answer 10

It will all be okay. Your son is 17. In another year, he will be an adult. He should be able to protect himself and his sister. Trust yourself, that you raised your children right, and they respect you enough that they will act like a responsible member of society and not get into any trouble themselves. As long as they are normal kids with no mental or physical problems, I would cut the apron strings a little and let them see what it is like being an adult.

Answer 11

I am sorry that your husband died. Maybe that is what makes you so fearful of leaving your children alone. They are more than old enough to be home alone. Stop worrying and just do what you need to do. They are fine. They proably even like it. I know I did when I was a kid.