want ten points?

Question

tell me some funny jokes

Answer 1

dywtgdjwhgfjwtg

Answer 2

Hmm...how's this?

A Virgin’s Nightmare:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or
family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first
time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent’s house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Answer 3

The Good Fairy
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th

wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said

"For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to

each other for all this time, I will give you each a wish."

"Oohh, I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said

the wife.

The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! - two tickets for the

Q.E. 2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said:

"Well this is all very romantic - but an opportunity like this only

occurs once in a lifetime...so... I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to

have a wife 30 years younger than me".

The wife - and the fairy - were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a

wish...

So the Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -abracadabra! the

husband became 92 years old.

You see... Men might be bastards......

But fairies are......female!

Answer 4

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Answer 5

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Answer 6

four students, who were always in trouble,arrive late for an exam. 'sorry',they say,'but the school bus had a flat tyre'. the teacher said he believed them and feeling generous he said he was going to give them all A's if they did him a favour. he put them into four seperate corners and then gave each a piece of paper.'write down which tyre was flat'.

Answer 7

I'm really bad w/ jokes but I want 10 pts

Answer 8

hey how do you pronounce your name?

I got a blonde joke, it's old and you might know it, but it's my fav.
What's the best way to kill a blonde?
Put a scratch n sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool ^_^

Answer 9

what the definition of agony?
A one armed man hanging over a cliff with an itchy bum :p

Answer 10

How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?

Wave.

Answer 11

Does your back hurt?
You could come to me cause i'm a doctor
Does your heart ache?
Come to me cause i'm your man

And does your belly hurt?
I'd better run that's not mine...