He was my friend, then my roommate, then my lover. He's head over heels, & I'm way in over my head. He's not working,(worked at the same place for 26 yrs) hurt on the job, then fired for filing a comp case and I'm handling all the details for 1/2 the take. He's a perfect roommate in that he does housework, is a great lover, and wants nothing but the best for me, wants to marry me. On the flip side of the coin, he's overly possesive, jealous of everybody, my friends no longer come around and when they do tell me that i'm not myself, nor have I been since he moved in. I've asked him on several different occations to move out and that's when he starts to manipulate me with guilt. How he needs me, he's hurt, he has seizeres , not working, will go get into trouble again and go back to jail if he has to move. It's a play on my good nature and guilt and I don't know how to deal with him anymore. he's driving me crazy and I need to how to to get my life back and live w/ the guilt.
2006-08-24 22:30:47 · 19 answers · asked by cowboysminxxx 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
life would have been better for both of u had u remain friends...roommate to lovers seems to be a realationship of covenience. The otherway would have been genuin love & concern.
the line between concern & jelousy/possesiveness is very thin...u must be sensible to understand & accept it. The guy loves u but lacks personality.
One must love a person for what she/he is...not for what he wants/likes u to be. Then u loose ur self & eventually u will start hating ur self.Cause u r at unease.
Talk 2 him...about how u feel 4 a start..obivously if u have been friends u can do that..don't let him manululate u.
try to stay apart & enjoy life...be in love ..aftersome time both of u will know whether u want to get back together.May be u both need breathing space.
If he really love u & need u he will understand & try to correct what he can...but if u really love him u have to learn to live with what he can't correct...that's love...it is GIVE & TAKE....
No one 100% up to what we want...the degree of comfort depends on each person...some can takeup a lot some can't..So the best person to take a decission for u is none but U.
Wish u all the streangth!!!
2006-08-24 22:52:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your just his meal ticket and anyone who tries to get in your life being friends or family he feels threatened cause he doesn't want his security blanket to leave hI'm.and im sure he thinks these people will talk some sense in you and tell you to get rid of him and he doesn't want that.So if he can keep you all alone and only with him he will think he has you trapped and you will need him cause you have no one else so then he wont worry you throwing his butt out.And when you do try he uses his health as a guilt trip as a excuse to get to you and he sees it works!What your going to have to do is just get some back bone and tell him straight up he is to move out and he has this many days and don't try talking out of it or you will put him out right then and there and if he doesn't leave the law will make him leave.Or if your scared send a family member over to your place and have them tell him then call the law.That way you don't have to hear his whining around about his health and you don't feel guilty.Good luck!
2006-08-24 22:42:12 · answer #2 · answered by blondie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it me or is he an adult who is RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OWN ACTIONS?
If he isn't working. Who's fault is that? Not yours. There is jobs out there of any type he can do.
If he gets in trouble again. Who's fault is that? Not yours. Seems to me someone can't control is own self?
I don't see how he is such a "great lover" when he is possessive, jealous and manipulates you.
If he wanted nothing but the best for you. He sure as heck hasn't shown it yet.
Time to stand up and tell him to grow up. There should be no guilt. He is a lazy jerk who is using you. Why feel guilty over that?
Telling him to get his own life first and grow up shouldn't be something to feel guilty about.
2006-08-24 22:41:34 · answer #3 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i guess the thing u should ask yourself is "do u love him or u just let him stay bec. u feel he needs help?" if u really love him then you would not really care what your friends are saying. he is helping aound in the house but that is not enough too. he should be out there looking for a job or something to do rather than just staying at home. u should try to look for what you want and do things that would make you a better person too. don't feel guilty. if he moves out and gets into trouble, it is not your fault. it is his own and you should not be blamed for it. take some time to think things over a little bit and choose what is best for you. maybe you can ask him to move out for some time only to take some time away from each other. some sort of separation so you can really see what u want without any intereference or feelings of guilt. good luck
2006-08-24 22:38:26 · answer #4 · answered by messy_missy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you are in an addictive relationship....emotionally abusive and you need to get out of it now. No matter how great he is as a room-mate...the fact that he is manipulating you is WRONG. I spent 18 years in that type of a marriage and it ended up being physically abusive at the end. He knew what to say and how to do things to make me 'behave' the way he wanted. It was wrong and life was terrible. I divorced, and although difficult, it was the BEST thing I did. You need to do some reading on how to heal from co-dependent relationships and emotionally abusive relationships. Those words may sound harsh, but it is what is happening. Best of luck....get out now.
2006-08-24 22:40:26 · answer #5 · answered by cornerstonefaith1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He can get an attorney to handle all the details for 1/3 of the cut. He needs to grow up into a big man and learn how to take care of himself and be responsible for his own behavior before he can expect to help do the same for you. It isn't fair for him to expect you to enable him to be happy and have a good life. He sounds very immature and very insecure. My advice is to gently but firmly explain to him that you need to find someone who is more sure of himself, someone who makes you feel safe and happy and , until then, you are best off taking care of yourself.
2006-08-24 22:47:07 · answer #6 · answered by penny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened to me, it was so difficult to move on. But when i did it, i was so relieved and happy. It wasn`t my fault that he was possessive and not logic. Now that i think of it: "what a waste of time" He will never change, and when you`ll find a nice boy you will really think you were in another world at the time he has been with you. Trust me, he doesn`t deserve you!
2006-08-24 22:48:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is making a as* of you. Kick him to the curb. There may truly be something wrong with this guy' But he is not showing any appreciation to you for the help u r giving. Sounds like to much drama' don't need that do you? U have nothing to feel guilty about. He sounds like a as* hole.
2006-08-24 22:55:26 · answer #8 · answered by Sarcastic Sid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the court house and have him served with an eviction notice.He's giving you BIG RED FLAGS that it's going to get much worse in the future. screw the money get away!!!!!!
These are signs he will hurt you later.Ever watch OPRAH? Guess how many women have been on that show saying in the beginning it was_______(repeat your story) Then he shot me in the face w/a shot gun & murdered my mom, or He beat me almost to death, or I was a prisoner in my owen home. Go watch movies like Enough and Sleeping with the enemy.
I was in one of those relationships and almost died 7 times and I'm telling you RUN!!! GET AWAY & TELL EVERY ONE WHO WILL LISTEN THAT YOUR TRYING TO GET AWAY!!ESPICALLY FAMILY! I really hope you listen and don't turn up on the news in 2-4 years.
2006-08-24 22:44:49 · answer #9 · answered by foxxynatasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DAMN GIRL ITS YOUR APARTMENT AND JUST TELL HIM TO GET OUT THAT YOUVE HAD ENOUGH YOU CANNOT CONTINUE TO LIVE THIS WAY AND SO WHAT IF HE GETS OUT THERE AND GETS IN TROUBLE AGAIN THATS HIS PROBLEM NOT YOURS HES FEEDING YOU A BUNCH OF CRAP! TELL HIM TO MOVE OUT OR BETTER YET IF HE DOESNT TELL HIM YOU ARE FINDING A NEW HOME IF HE DOESNT LEAVE. I DONT KNOW REALLY HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS GUY BUT SOUNDS AS IF YOU NEED TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM SPECIALLY IF HES INTEREFERING WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR SOCIAL LIFE A MAN WHO IS JEALOUS AND POSSESIVE IS NOT THE KIND OF MAN YOU WANT TO TAKE HOME TO PARENTS LET ALONE MARRY OR LIVE WITH YOU GOT YOUR LIFE AND HES GOT HIS DONT LET HIM RULE YOU GET OUT GIRL FOR SURE AND GOOD LUCK!!!!
2006-08-24 22:40:09 · answer #10 · answered by IMSOINLOVEWITHYOU 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋