My husband is always in front of the computer and does not talk to me.?

Question

We have a normal married life. But my husband as soon as he comes home switches on the computer and sits till dinner time. I am fed up of this. How do I get him to spend some time with me talking...

Answer 1

He probably needs a little time to unwind from the day. I suggest that you sit him down when you both are realxed in a nuetral environment and talk to him about how you feel. Talk to him in a non-accusing, non-threatening way and maybe you can come to some kind of compromise. I hope this works for you, good luck.

Answer 2

My wife says the same thing to me but I only do work, play or spend leisure with the computer. The truth is, it is usually better to spend some time after work off stressful things than to face the query of my wife and we end up arguing. The computer does not argue back and I can switch it off easily if it does. A nagging wife does not offer the same opportunity, although I love her and will not leave her. I know other husbands will do other things before dinner, like watch TV or read newspapers, etc. I can do those, too, before, but my wife has prohibited them. Now, it turns out that I can get as much information on computers and nearly the same leisure. Do not be sorry for me or my wife. I think she likes the make up after the arguments postdinner.

Answer 3

You are lucky that he stops for dinner!

I used to be on the computer all night and only stop to go to work, where I gamed every chance I got.

It was part of a bad depression I had, I was using the games to escape real life. Now that I am better, I can leave the computer for weeks without playing.

He might need to talk to a counsellor or something.

Answer 4

Well, discuss the problem and if that don't work, make like a schedule for computer time. Or just lock it up for a bit. At least till he starts getting the picture. Same goes for the people with the PS2 problem.

~El-Matto

Answer 5

Does he chat too you when your on the computer? Weather he's @ work or not?? And why is okay for a woman toget fed up so quickly!? When us men just tollerate things??? When he gets done if your marriage is as normal as you say that it is,he'll want the real deal again.I wouldn't worry too much! Hang on too that leash though! Hope I helped ya!??

Answer 6

Well you could always e-mail him a link to this page. Or a message requesting a fifteen minute 'appointment' or something. ;-) (As an opener for talking about it.)

But I think the best thing to do is talk to *him* about it. Don't let it build up to the point of rage; try to bring it up while it's still a mere 'annoyance,' if it's not too late for that. It's always easier for someone to hear your hurt than it is to hear your anger (and give you a satisfying response).

If you are past that point, you may need to express your anger, too. I think that's perfectly reasonable, but I'd take care to make sure you also express the hurt underneath, and be reasonable in both the way you talk to him (avoid personal attacks; focus on behaviors) and in your expectations.

Has he become less of a talker, due to the computer, or was he always like that? If it's the latter, well... that might be another problem, which you accepted when you married him. I'm not saying you have to like it, but we all know people who went into a marriage thinking they could improve the other person, eventually. I don't think that works very often!

Assuming this is a more recent problem, I suggest saying something along the lines of, "Honey, I feel ___ (whatever it is you feel: lonely, neglected, hurt, insecure, sad)." If you've got a good man, there, and you aren't frequently complaining about little things (to the point where he doesn't hear you) he should perk up, just knowing you are unhappy -- I know I would.

Another possible way to start... "I have a fantasy.... I've been imagining how good it would make me feel if, a couple days a week, you'd come to me when you get home, and hug me and tell me about your day, and ask me about mine, or we do something fun together (etc.) before you sit down at the computer. What do you think about that?"

Either way, continue along the lines of, "I want you to enjoy your free time, but I'd feel better if you'd pay more attention to me, too." Then be specific about what that means... something quantifiable, like having half an hour to talk before dinner every night, or getting hugs before he gets on the machine... whatever. You have a right to ask for anything you want (as long as you realize he has a right to decline, in which case you may need to negotiate... you'll do something he wants if he'll do this for you, for example).

Also, do you try to engage him in conversation? Do you ask him about things he cares about (including the damn computer! ha!)? I know I'd love it if my girlfriend or wife started asking me about stuff like that, because it would be fun to share with her, and would make me feel closer to her, and cared for. I know I'd be more willing to give attention to her needs and wants and concerns if I knew mine were important to her.

Do you ever do anything *on* the computer with him? Play games? Look at interesting websites? Create music? Create videos? There are so many things you could enjoy -- maybe together.

The main things are to be clear about how you feel and what you want, be direct, but not accusative, be willing to compromise and negotiate, and use a lot of statements beginning with "I" (it sounds less threatening, and tells him about you).

As some other posters said, there's nothing wrong with being playful about it. Lots of men love it when women take the initiative with sex, for example, as they suggested. It's possible you'll find *he* feels neglected or undesired.

But I don't believe in using sex as the cure for everything. That would be superficial, if one or both of you have unresolved grievances or hurts. Trying to bury those feelings isn't likely to work, and may result in a bigger problem in the future.

I was being half serious with my e-mail suggestion. If you can work the computer into it, somehow, it might be funny to both of you, and help ease any tensions.

I'm lucky I don't have somebody 'nagging' me about *my* computer use! (Just kidding!!) But really... they'd rightly be on me all the time.

Your concerns seem perfectly valid to me. I wish you good luck.

Answer 7

Before he gets home, press format C.: and press the enter key.

Or sit down in his computer chair with nothing on but a necktie. It worked for pretty woman Julia Roberts. It will work for me.

Answer 8

Talk to him seriously. Tell him that he is not married to the computer, he is to you. Get him to agree to be at the computer for only 2 hrs a day....or else.......

Answer 9

when he goes to work make a password to the computer and if he uses the windows XP version write a hint that he stays all day on the computer. he might come on his knees and beg ur forgiveness

Answer 10

Plan stuff away from the house

Seduce him the second he walks in the door

Break the computer