My girlfriend was molested when she was 5! How can this affect our relationship?!? HELP!!?

Question

I've been told that my girlfriend was molested when she was 5 by her uncle!!

I've been researching the affects of child molestation on the internet, and it said that they could have all kinds of negative effects, and what caught me was:

SECRETIVENESS

My girlfriend is really quiet, like me. At first, I thought it was just her personality type, but she is a little too silent. She speaks very softly and I can't tell what she says with her body language because she is generally not expressive. She also has a secret written language only she knows, is she hiding something?

I worry that she possibly has depression, one of the other effects, maybe even bipolar disorder because she is hyper at times. It's not likely

Does anyone know if this will affect how our relationship will work out and how she will feel about me?

Please help me if you know anything about this kind of a situation or what I could do to help her. I love her with all my heart and I will do anything for he

I've been told that my g/f was molested when she was 5 by her uncle!She doesn't know i know, her friend toldme I researched the affects of child molestation on the internet, and it said that they could have all kinds of neg. effects, and what caught me was:SECRETIVENES!My g/f is really quiet, like me. At first, I thought it was just her personality type, but she is a little too silent. She speaks very softly and I can't tell what she says with her body language because she is generally not expressive. She also has a secret written language only she knows, is she hiding something?She wrote to me and wont say what it means! i worry that she possibly has depression, one of the other effects, maybe even bipolar disorder because she is hyper at times.Does anyone know if this will affect how our relationship will work out and how she will feel about me?Please help me if you know anything about this kind of a situation or what I could do to help her. I love her and i will do anything for her

Answer 1

40% of the population have suffered some form of abuse(verbal, physical) and fewer sexual abuse and all of these cases are slightly different of course but I know of one friend who was really quit a loyal (faithful) person. She had suffered for years from depression and at anniversaries of these occasions she suffered more. She did have bipolar disorder and took Kalonopin and some other medications. She had shock treatments for depression and had other problems and smoked and eventually had heart problems.

Answer 2

It will be very hard for her to trust men. Maybe you can go to a library and get a book or two about the effects of this happening to her, and if you and her begin to research this together, you might be able to find some answers. I think you would both be surprised at all the different effects it can have, and by talking to someone she trusts, it will be easier for her to explore all the emotional problems she might have. You are a very good person to care so much about her, and you are making a good start on finding out what, if any, damage was done to her psychologically. I wish you both the best of luck.

Answer 3

She isn't ever going to want to talk about it so I wouldn't bother going down that path. If she wants to open up be supportive and love her either way. Just be a good guy and be honest about the relationship. If you like her stay with her, if you don't like her don't stay with her. The fact you are asking means you must care. Yeah, let's face it... everything adds up it probably happened. At best you can do is involve the authorities but that really isn't going to happen either. Unless you realize that that same uncle could molest someone else. Hope he gets put in jail.

It won't affect too much except...
And if you really love her...
The main thing in the relationship it can affect, that you will worry about the most, is the bedroom. Be patient and encouraging. and get married if at all possible.

There really are too many variables...

Answer 4

One great thing is that you love her and she feeling very close to you if she shared this with her. I have many friends who have gone through the same and the first thing they all stated that it was a wonderful day when they found someone like yourself who is understanding and wanting to help. You are on a good start. Encourage her to ta;k to you about her past, don't pressure her, she will open up like a new blossom. If things are very difficult Both of you can go for counseling with a relationship councilor. Don't worry about her Psychological stand. A therapist may suggest one if they feel she needs it or just contact her primary doctor to order a mild antidepressant. But over all it is the person that she love and that loves her unconditionally that makes the different.

Answer 5

Hey.

First off, I can't assume I don't understand. I do. And it can be horrible... one main thing I can tell you is about 'lack of trust'. It's hard to trust someone after such situations. Especially if it's inside the family. One may keep many secrets hidden for a long time. Not being able to tell someone is the worse part.

However, let me tell you that God doesn't put something in front of you that he doesn't - mean - to be there. He never gives you more than you can handle. And that is the beauty of life!

Stay safe and Good luck!

Answer 6

Everyone responds differently to this type of thing. My mother was in the exact same situation. She was in therapy for over 20 years and has never been able to have a healthy long-term relationship. She experienced a lot of depression and lots of codependency.

Your gf undoubtedly has psychological issues and will continue to. She could benefit from counseling. It will be a bumpy ride for you and whoever else she decides to be close to.

If you and she want to make your relationship work, then you certainly can. It will just require lots of patience, understanding, and emotional work on an ongoing basis. Good luck.

Answer 7

i really feel sorry for ur gf and pathetic for her uncle.may b she is affected by the trauma she had gone thru but i dont thnk that the child of age hav the ability to understand what was happening to her.what she cud understood was that she was being forced for sumthmg painful and not more then that.beside continuing a relationship u owe a responsibility towards her and if for anythng you would leave her she wud be left for nothing. moreover u hav full rite to thnk a better future for u.so even if u dont wanna hav a love and all relationship then just for the sake of frendship talk to her slowly and steadily.take her to a counsellor and if u really feel u love her then make her feel loved .she wud surely *** of it.love is the medicine to death.hav u heard it.try it'
best of luk

Answer 8

I doubt it is the episode that happened at 5 is the cause of your girlfiends behaviour. Normally what happend at 5 would have been forgotten when the child grows up. The problem could be something else. Why don't you let an experienced therapist handle this.

Answer 9

wow thats wierd cause I was molested by my moms boyfriend when I was little and I have the same problems to the T. I'm extremely quite, talk in very low voice, and hiper at other times. I have also recently realized I have a hatred towards men. If you love her like you say you do then yes it will work I used to take everything out on my b/f but he loved me so he stuck with me now we are engaged. can you send me the web address where you found that stuff please..... [e-mail] thanks and good luck

Answer 10

Well, it really depends on how old she is now, what happened to the uncle, and what therapy she has had. I'd love to help you work through this a bit more, but I need more info. I had a similar childhood to her so I have kind of the inside edge on information.