Is this social anxiety or something else more complex?

Question

For about the past 3-4 years, I have been very uncomfortable being in the presence of people, but mostly women and children. I do not have this fear (that I know of) around men.

When a woman walks too close to me (e.g. towards me), I either step around to avoid her or back away somewhat. If a woman sits next to me in a doctor's office or at a bus stop, I have to literally force myself to sit there until within 20-30 seconds I cannot stand it anymore and have to get up and move.

Oddly, I can talk to them when they are at a reasonable distance without issue and can even have intelligent conversations with them.

I was previous engaged but the breakup was pretty bad and it was devastating for me personally. However, this personal proximity problem was evident even while I was engaged (although it did not hinder our relationship one bit, because I was comfortable around her).

A good example is when we played Twister with her young neice. I would lose on purpose to avoid her (the girl).

I also have a tendency when walking on the sidewalk to walk off the sidewalk entirely into the bicycle lane to avoid two people walking towards me (e.g. when I cannot reasonably walk on the same path as them without passing close to them).

With children, I freak out and literally have an anxiety episode and have to get out of the situation (e.g. away from them). I can feel my muscles tense up and my stomach get tight, and I feel an absolute sense of complete and total panic. I only have this same sense of panic when a woman walks very, very close to me and invades my space (e.g. gets within less than arms length of me, so you can imagine how hard hugs are).

Paul

I am heterosexual.

Paul

Answer 1

Please find a good counselor, you have had something happen to you concerning a women and you could not deal with it at the time, now you mind is ready and you will need help figuring it out
It will only get worse until you do

Answer 2

Paul, it's not abnormal. It sounds like some kind of textbook psychology 101. Simply put you do not like your personal space invaded. I know of a lot of people like that. A lot depends on any religious training you may have had as a youngster. In some religious circles any physical closeness, touching, etc. is considered not only inappropriate, but sinful as well. Also, the relationships you had with females when you were young could be a factor. At any rate, I wouldn't worry about it. But if you continue to be bothered by it see a shrink. They are helpful.

Answer 3

Paul,
I think there may be more going on under the surface than you can face on your own, so your way of dealing with it is avoidance. If this problem was evident while you were engaged, something is going on under the surface that probably happened either during or prior to your engagement. May be something you aren't even aware of.
I know a lot of people think therapy is crap, but I just recently started seeing a psychotherapist (which I NEVER saw myself doing), and it is helping me understand some of ... me. You might want to try to talk to someone, professional or not. That's no way to live. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Paul, the best answer anyone can give is that if this is hindering your ability to live fully and positively, which it sounds like it is, talk to a licensed therapist or counselor. They are trained to help people understand themselves, and since the answer is in you, that's the most sensical way to figure it out. Seeing one is not something you need to share with others, and the truth is, there really isn't anything shameful or weak about wanting to understand yourself better. In fact, the hardest part is admitting to yourself that you are experiencing something that doesn't feel right and you'd like to understand it.

Btw, it doesn't sound like social anxiety if you are not anxious around men. It doesn't sound like you are gay because that's about an attraction to men, not a fear of women and children. My guess would be that you're associating something unpleasant with them, but that's just my own experiences talking, as are any other answers that attempt to identify what's going on with you. None of us knows, and saying otherwise is just ego talking.

Answer 5

Well, here is my two cents, though it's not even worth that since I am no where near a doctor or any profession where my opinion of this would count.

I would have to say that you have a severe case of social anxiety.

I have struggled with social anxiety since middle school and I have had many of the same experiences.

In high school and college I was most uncomfortable around male teachers and professors and I am still less comfortable around males.

The bad break up most likely did not help your condition one bit. Social anxiety deals a lot with the fear of rejection and embarrassment. Breaking up deals out a lot of rejection.

I dealt with a similar situation of a break up, though we weren't engaged. For a while my condition escalated and eventually formed into depression.

If this is hindering your life as severely as it sounds, I would suggest, from a fellow social anxiety patient, that you seek help. It worked for me; it could improve your life unbelievably.

Best of luck dealing with this in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 6

I am so happy, it was only a 35 minute drive ( 70 minutes total) but absolutely no sign of anxiety or panic i shopped till I dropped - brilliant! I will now go for the next stage DUAL CARRIAGE way, probably at the weekend, with my husband accompanying me first then the solo drive, if successful the final stage of driving on motorway

Beat Anxiety And Panic Attacks Naturally?

Answer 7

Have you seen your family doctor, a psychiatrist and/or a councellor?

I know of a great MSN group that may offer some helpful information, support etc if you are interested.

Answer 8

I've never heard of social anxiety only being about one gender but I guess it's possible. I think it sounds more like a phobia or something.

Answer 9

go see a psychologist. people's diagnosis here can't be true or official.

Answer 10

no offense just throwing an idea at you...could you be gay? theres nothing wrong if you are!!!!!!