i Had a real shitty day and now im back at work......damn
2006-08-24 18:09:14 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Im sorry man! That sucks...
Here, see if these help!
Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?
A: In case she had to draw blood!
There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why do blondes wear ponytails?
A: To hide the valve stem!
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
Imitation of a blonde refuelling..
(Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
A: Air Pockets
Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.
Q: Why did the blonde have square ****?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
Q: What do you call a blonde in a Volkswagen?
A: FarFromThinking
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an "F" in sex.
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time she drove eight miles, shehad cleaned 43 restrooms.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
The Unites States government has issued a recall on all cars and trucks that have a headlight dimmer switch on the turn signal switch. The purpose for this is to cut the traffic accidents at night by 90%. Apparently that the 90% that they plan to cut is from blonds, because they keep getting their foot stuck in the steering wheel.
Q: Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A: Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you have a better day!
lol
2006-08-24 18:48:45 · answer #1 · answered by Cherries 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi,
I have been there and have done that to many times!Talking about horrible days, that has been my life story since last Thursday.I keep hoping and praying that it will get better,it can't get any worse.
it is cool that you can sit and answer questions. Every 20 minutes go take a walk, and go to the restroom, that should make your work time dwindle down.
your in a crappy mood, so look up ricegirl and all her alias names and look at her really pathetic questions,and and answers.The questions she asked are
going to annoy you,but the answers that people left are very rude and funny.She goes by Criella,and ricewhore too. She is trying to get suspended,and it is about time for her to come out and annoy the people of this website.As I say, 2 points,for each 5 questions that she comes up with tonight ,pertaining too rice(she gets fowl,and perverted)On her contact page,she says: she knows that she is pretty and her daddy is rich.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow! take -care!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-24 18:38:02 · answer #2 · answered by FELINELOVER 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Salaam Smiles and Salaams all of us comprehend the price of a grin, even to a stranger. that is seen the smallest sort of charity, so imagine waking in the morning and smiling on your kin. A warmth smile and a honest salam might want to be the initiating of the day. previously the day has even all started, you may rake up advantages basically through smiling. upload in a properly meaning Assalamu Alaikum and also you're already headed in the right direction. yet what number of human beings fairly take the few seconds to do this each morning? Or do rather grumble because the alarm is going off, scuffle into the lavatory, then vacation the youngsters into their outfits, in direction of their breakfast, and then off to college? and how do we greet our husbands in the morning? do we grant them loving salams or only a speedy reminder to p.c.. up milk on the way domicile? a grin is a person-pleasant device that may fix many o at present's social and kin diseases. no longer basically does a grin liven up somebody else s day, it will make you sense more desirable helpful, besides. attempt it. that is frustrating to get indignant along with your children when you're already smiling. through Salma Sanwari
2016-11-27 20:07:49 · answer #3 · answered by mengesha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I was watching a baseball game last weekend, my wife and I got
into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living
wills.
During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to
exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking
fluids
from a bottle.
She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.
Life can be hell, if you're married to a smartass.
2006-08-24 18:32:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont know about u... but when i first read this it made me smile... i hope you like it!!! <3
For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000, and there is no way we can afford it. The next day his father saw Little Johnny heading out the door with a suitcase.
So, he asked, “Son where are you going?”
Little Johnny told him, “I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell Mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait, because she was coming too. And I’ll be damn if I’m sticking around here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no means of transportation.
2006-08-24 18:20:41 · answer #5 · answered by XxxManDiiExxX 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Super man flying over and saw wonder woman naked on the beach squirming. Super man thought i would like to tap that. Wait he thought I'm the fastest man in the world i can hit that and be gone before she knows what hit her. So he does bam, bam bam and he is gone. Wonder woman sits up and says what in the world was that? The invisible Man said i don't know but it tore me a new a#* hole. Have a good one
2006-08-24 20:17:03 · answer #6 · answered by LIFE-SAVER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heard about the new Purina Diet? You put pieces of Purina dog food in your pocket to nibble on when you get hungry...Just be careful not to get hit by a car when you're sitting in the middle of the road licking your balls...
2006-08-24 18:17:47 · answer #7 · answered by midge 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Def Sex~~~2 def people get married and realized they could not communicate in the bedroom after the light were out,so the wife signs to him that when he wants to have sex squeeze her right boob and when he does not squeeze her left boob he agrees. He then signs to her that when she wants to have sex rub his **** 1 time and when she does not, then rub his **** 50 times !!!!!Ha Ha!!!
2006-08-24 20:35:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man comes running to the doctor shouting & screaming in
pain "Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."
DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."
MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."
DOCTOR: "No you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place
you were stung."
MAN: "Oh! it happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree"
DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your
body did that bee sting."
MAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my
finger and it really hurts"
DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting): "Which one?"
MAN (innocently): "How am i to know? All bees look the same to me."
2006-08-24 20:25:12 · answer #9 · answered by moonearth 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In heaven there were two lines. One said "Men who were bossed by their wives," and the other one said,"Men who weren't bossed by their wives".
There was a big line for the first one, but then the man who was checking peoples name in the book of life saw one man in the other line. So he told the guys to wait. He asked the man why he was in that line.
The man replied,"My wife told me to."
Indian boy comes running to witchdoctor: “Big Chief No S-hit”
Doctor gives him a pill, Boy comes back next day: “Big Chief No S-hit”
Doctor stumped gives 2 new pills, Boy comes back next day “Big Fart No s-hit”
Doctor frustrated gives 12 new pills, Boy comes back next day “Big S-hit No Chief!”
2006-08-24 18:12:37 · answer #10 · answered by cerebral_orgasm 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋