about three years i decided to leave my parents place...even though they've been threating to kick me out before....my father ended up physically abusing me before i left while my step mom and sister listened(i didn't call the police (too nice))...i was homeless for three days...had no family contact me even though they had phone numbers to get through to me....now i live far away from all of them and am happy with my husband they wanna call me..i don't talk to my parents no more just my sister..(i kind of forgave her i guess she was shocked about what happened)...my sister is now pregnant and her man is a jackass..she's carrying a baby with no confidence hes gonna be there...she wishes that i can come live with her..i feel bad..i already gave her a long speech that am there for her and her kid..but why am i so nice??..i went through lots noboby helped me..i hate this way about me i need to toughen up..should i let her go through her problems by herself? (my husband thinks i should)
2006-08-24 17:25:43 · 9 answers · asked by **sweetbabe** 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
When you are so nice, there is nothing unnatural, it is the normal, natural side of human character to be good and nice. Ask a question when you are bad: that's when something is wrong! You have tremendous capacity to forgive -- wow! Your nature will some day transform people around you! As for the present situation reg your sister, what comes to my mind is an anology: guided or assisted approach and landing for aircraft from the airport radar people or from the Carrier ship. It's the aircraft(Pilot) that does the landing, but he is assisted, guided by the team ashore(or, on board). You may consider giving help to your sister in such a way that she is "not spoiled": help her to help herself. Be there 'on call' to help out, but at the same time encourage her to look after herself, take care of her own problems!
2006-08-24 17:41:07 · answer #1 · answered by swanjarvi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm your husband has a point but people like us who have strong bonds with family eventhough they've havent shown the support or the understanding , tend to care about Their family no matter what. Its a feeling you cant control and a symphaty. So therefor its ok for you to give her the long speech and feel the way you do eventhough of the past you had with her.
In my opinion people can help out one and other no matter what, just the idea " What if that was me? " gets you moving. And in your situation its your step sis, shes family. Be there for her, cause no matter what thy say family is important. And being a good person is too. Do it for her and for yourself. Atleast you ll show her that she should have done the same years ago. Setting a good example is a bonus. U can hold her hand till she can walk again.
Life already is hard and people get left alone, ( you sure know that ) so why not do something while we can for others =)
2006-08-25 00:42:05 · answer #2 · answered by Blue_Dragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may seem off the subject but.. No one should go through all this without a strong conviction in thier actions. You deserve to be confident of your desisions! You've been through way to much already. It's time for ME time! Your a strong woman, but if you don't care for your needs first you will eventually weaken. If you always save others they will never have the opportunity to learn on thier own. Maybe you should consider a counselor who can help you find the answers within yourself. Wouldn't it feel better if you where acting on Your heart and not someone else's oppinions? Don't let anyone sway your direction on this! Don't listen to any of them for awhile or you may do something that will cause you to resent someone close to you. Tell them all: I need time! I'm sure they'll all still be there with thier probs when you get back. You only need to live your life not everyone elses!
2006-08-25 01:07:23 · answer #3 · answered by mediaevalprincess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're nice because you crave approval and want to preserve your bonds with people, which is fine. But it seems that being nice is making you feel used or about to be used. It will help to decide exactly what you are going to do for your sister...tell her what you're willing to do and what resources you will share...and fulfill that promise. BUT NO MORE. If you have a good marriage, you are probably imperiling it by taking her and her new baby in...but you might be able to find her some nearby, affordable rental housing.
2006-08-25 00:41:19 · answer #4 · answered by silver.graph 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blessings, and I am glad that you got out of the situation with your parents, but you have to forgive. You don't leave your husband to live with your sister because of what happened to her. Talk to her and let her know that she is not alone, but love her from a far,because you do have your own family. Pray about this and keep your faith. May God Bless You
2006-08-25 00:41:37 · answer #5 · answered by datalov3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well actually in most cases nice guys/girls finish last.
but yeah i still think u should help or talk for a good while.
you always wanna have some family around that u still wanna talk to. and yeah being nice can hurt u, but also help a lost, i think u would be able to make friends easily if u really nice, just try not to let it bite u in the ***.
2006-08-25 00:29:09 · answer #6 · answered by Tee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you enjoy going through your stuff alone? Don't make your sister do it alone. What's nice got to do with it? She's your sister and that's what sisters do. You may feel she wasn't there for you but have you walked in her shoes? Stop patting yourself on your back and be a decent person and do what's right!
2006-08-25 00:38:50 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is right...He is your family now and should come first...Your sis will be ok, talk to her still and be there for her that way, but moving, no dont do it...unless you hate your husband....
2006-08-25 00:31:19 · answer #8 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont let her go through the problems by herself but don't help her through it completely. she needs to learn this lesson on her own and i guess she's hoping she can do so by having you to look up to. i hope she doesn't take advantage of you though...
2006-08-25 00:29:15 · answer #9 · answered by poopermon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋