Help!!!!! what should i do?

Question

My father and i DO NOT get along we have not spoken for a very, very long time. he has lied about so many things, spread rumors about me, he cheats, he gambles, he has done very bad drugs. he is not a part of my life. i cant say the same for my sister though! she loves him very much and does not see what i see. but recently, i have found out he has cancer....i dont know how i feel, should i call him? should i try and make amends? i dont even know if he loves me, is it even worth it? what would you do?

Answer 1

The fact that you even ask means you have unfinished business.

I think you will always regret not knowing if you don't go to see him.

Personally, I would go and make a genuine effort to put the past behind me. Then at least I would be able to say I tried. Even if things do not work out as the storybooks go, I would be able to walk away with a clear conscience.

Whether or not you believe in destiny, luck, an afterlife.... it will be here and now that you can put your demons to rest.

Answer 2

Very few good things can be said about life-threatening illness, but one thing can not be denied. That is the opportunity it provides for healing and restoration.

After all of the hurt and neglect and confusion that your father has occasioned in your life, why should you even consider calling him? And yet you are. I can think of only one valid reason for calling him, and that would be to tell him that even though there has been much hurt in your life, you believe that love is stronger and more important--it is the one gift that you can still offer, and perhaps the last chance that you will ever have to offer it. So, if you call your father and offer to forgive him, and ask him to give you both a chance to make amends, who might it help? I believe that the one who forgives is the one who benefits most, because it sets the stage for healing and restoration in YOUR life. To carry a grudge is to sustain a relationship indefinitely that has already taken a toll on you, and most likely, him, as well. His life seems pretty messed up. Maybe it is so messed up, that he no longer has the strength or the wherewithal to heal. But your life, painful though it has been, still has some potential. You might want to ask yourself whether you want to use it--or lose it.

The worst he could do is keep the door closed, and that would not likely be any more hurtful than what is happening now with your ongoing estrangement. There is a chance that your stepping forward now to offer your hope, your love and your forgiveness will make a difference--and that could only be for the better. I think it's a risk worth taking, because win, lose or draw, you will be seizing on the opportunity to do the right thing. And that is something that you can live with for the rest of your life. Good luck, best wishes and God bless!

Answer 3

I don't have a relationship with my father (never met him), and because I don't, if I had the opportunity to do so, I would. Although things would be awkward, you only get one father! Regardless of the past, take advantage of what the future holds. Even if it will be another 10 years or 5 min, be fair. It doesn't mean that you have to call everyday, but do communicate a little more, just so he knows you are there for him, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

It seems as if you care for him and love him enough to even put up a question about him, and I'm sure that he does love you. In the end, it will be worth it...you can at least say you tried and did what you could as opposed to him leaving the Earth and you hadn't done anything at all.

I hope it works out for the both of you and I will pray that he can fight the cancer.

Answer 4

Try talking to him for a little bit. Maybe he's changed since the last time you talked to him. This is your chance to speak to him, whether he dies or not. You either take it or leave it. Once he's gone. he's never coming back, and you should definetly show a lot more compassion for him . My answer is yes, call him, and be sincere. Ask him to stop the drugs as best he can, bcuz they will only make the cancer worse. My mom died of cancer, and we were very very close. I would get mad at her a lot when she was alive, but after she died, i felt huge remorse for the things i had said to her in the past, and wished that she would come back alive so i could apologize and say goodbye. You won't ever get to apologize to him if he dies. Just make amends and be sure to tell your father how much you love him and will miss him if he passes away. Good luck sweetie!

Answer 5

Just because we love somebody, doesn't mean they are good for us. Unfortunately that goes for parents as well. Sounds like your father is not a person that you want in your life. I get it...you don't want him around, but you don't want anything bad to happen to him either, you just want him to stay away from you. I wish I could ask you if he ever calls you. It doesn't sound like he does. You have to ask yourself how you would feel if he never becomes a part of your life. Nobody can answer that question for you. If your answer is , you think you are better off without him in your life, then I suggest you leave things alone and do not contact him. If you come to the conclusion that you would miss him being a part of your life someday, then maybe you can call him and let him know that you are sorry to hear of his illness, and leave the door open in case he too misses you. People who are faced with a serious illness often become very forgiving, or in this case feel sorry for their wrongs and want to make amends with their family and friends.There is no wrong or right here, you have to do whatever will give you peace with the situation. That is my wish for you...may you be at peace with whatever decision that you make.

Answer 6

My personal opinion coming from someone who has had a horrible relationship with her father until recently. Life is short and though you do not like the things he does he is still your father. You will have to live with regret if something happens to him and you didnt try to make amends. Just call and see what happens there. Forgiveness is a hard thing but it has to happen. I know its easier said than done but this is coming from a coke addicted drunk and mom beater of a dad. Trust me it took some time but I finally forgave him.

Answer 7

Calling him is not giving in to him or offering your forgiveness. If you don't call; you will regret it for the rest of your life. He may have done wrong but he is a pert of what gave you life in the first place.Be stronger than he ever was and don't fall to the level he was always at. By that I mean; don't turn your back on him as he once did you. Through it all; I wish you luck and strength.

Answer 8

You are his child I am sure he loves you. You need to do what your comfortable with. He may not even know how much he has hurt you inless you bring it to his attention and tell him how you feel. One thing you may want to think about while you decide is how would you feel if he passed away and you didn't attempt to see him? If you don't think you would have any guilt maybe the relationship is not fixable but if you do think you would have guilt then maybe you should try to at least let things be on good terms.

Answer 9

Another option may be writing him a letter, or sending a card, or an email expressing your feelings, and letting him know you do care about him. Then give him the invitation to call you. Any descent human being, especially a parent will definitely make the call.

Answer 10

I didn't talk to my dad much before he had cancer. I wasn't mad at him or any thing. we just live 500 kilometers apart. I found out that he had cancer and that the Doctor gave him 6 months. I started calling him so that he wont feel lonely. well it's now been 6 months now my dad is cancer free, we are closer then ever before. So just call him no matter how mad you are to him or him at you. I feel that things happen for a reason. God brought me closer to my dad. I really hope that every thing works out. :)