i'm bored as hell & in need of a good joke does any1 know any?

Question

no stupid jokes allowed!!!!! if u r going 2 say something retarded then shut the hell up!

Answer 1

Joke #1:
Michael Jackson, a sailor, and 3 kids were sailing on a ship. The sailor observed a huge crack in the ship and yelled " Abandon Ship, Abandon Ship!!! " When he was about to jump into one of the inflatable rescue boats, MJ stopped him and asked him," What about the kids? They're playing down there in the 5th deck." And then the sailor said," F**k the kids!!!! Just save yourself!!!!" And MJ replied," Do we have time to?"
Joke #2:
Once upon a time, a elephant and a camel met. And the elephant just started laughing sooooooo hard!!! And the camel asked," What you laughing at?" and the elephant said," I still can't believe you have a hump on your back!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!" And the camel replied," Well at least I'm not the one with a huge gray dick hanging from my face!"

Answer 2

One day, I guy was telling jokes to hungry chicken. A woman came by and said, "Goodness, what are you doing?" "I'm talking to the chicken" says the man. Just then, the chicken started laughing like there was no tomorrow. The woman looking confused says "What the heck did you just tell that poor hungry chicken?" The man walked away. So the woman went up to the chicken and asked what was so funny. The chicken went up to her ear and whispered "You know what that guy told me. He said chickens can't talk. Cockle doodle doo."

Answer 3

Two nuns riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome one late afternoon. The younger nun turned to the elder nun and said 'You know, I've never come this way before'. The older nun nodded, knowingly and smiled and said, 'Yes dear, it's the cobble stones.'

Answer 4

Have a great day...

In heaven there were two lines. One said "Men who were bossed by their wives," and the other one said,"Men who weren't bossed by their wives".
There was a big line for the first one, but then the man who was checking peoples name in the book of life saw one man in the other line. So he told the guys to wait. He asked the man why he was in that line.
The man replied,"My wife told me to."


Indian boy comes running to witchdoctor: “Big Chief No S-hit”
Doctor gives him a pill, Boy comes back next day: “Big Chief No S-hit”
Doctor stumped gives 2 new pills, Boy comes back next day “Big Fart No s-hit”
Doctor frustrated gives 12 new pills, Boy comes back next day “Big S-hit No Chief!”

Answer 5

Squeaky Clean

One night a man rolls over in bed and gives his wife a big grin.
She says, ''Not tonight honey, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay clean and fresh.''
The man feeling rejected rolls over and tries to go to sleep.
In a few minutes he rolls back over and asks his wife, ''Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?''

Answer 6

A man comes running to the doctor shouting & screaming in
pain "Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: "No you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place
you were stung."

MAN: "Oh! it happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree"

DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your
body did that bee sting."

MAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my
finger and it really hurts"

DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting): "Which one?"

MAN (innocently): "How am i to know? All bees look the same to me."

Answer 7

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain!

Answer 8

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it