Kindergarten problems?

Question

Hi,

This is a question for all the parents/teachers out there. Our child has started Kindergarten and has gotten in trouble almost daily for the past 2 weeks. Most of it was due to just adjusting to a school enviroment (never been to preschool or daycare). Now though, she has gotten in trouble for hitting another child. However, on the way home she told us that the boy she hit had hit her first...and hard enough to make a bruise..on her arm. Instead of telling on him, she smacked him back. I called the school to inquire about it and the vice principal says she has no record of that. On top of that , her K teacher has gotten rather brusque and cold when talking to us on the phone, and never has anything positive to say.

We have a conference (the 2nd one already) tomorrow and was wondering if anyone had any advice. Thanks!

Answer 1

I ran into a problem similar to this last year. My daughter started coming home with welts on her arm and when I asked her where she got them, she said a girl on the bus was doing it. My daughter was letting her do it because she was afraid of causing hard feelings. The girl hitting her and my daughter shared a mutual best friend. I finally told my daughter it had to stop and she did have a right to hit back, but ONLY to protect herself. This led to a fight and things got out of control. By the time it ended, the girl had threatened to kill my daughter. When I talked to the teacher and principal, they said the girl was too young and didn't mean it....that nothing could happen. I asked if they ever watched the news. I then asked the counselor to talk to my daughter to make sure she was ok dealing with the threat. The counselor had the nerve to talk to her WITH the child that threatened her. I'd had enough and asked the principal if he was going to remove the girl off the bus. She wasn't supposed to ride that bus anyways, she was only getting on because of the mutual friend. Her bus stop was a couple streets away on another bus. He said no, that he'd just keep them seperated. Nobody from the teacher or counselor to the principal took it seriously. I ended up driving her to school the last couple weeks of school and I transferred her out of school this year. No child should have to endure that type of behavior from another student and especially teachers or principals. My daughter has NEVER had a problem before this. She's very smart and well behaved. She has previous certificates to prove it. So, I know she wasn't after attention or doing any of this for spite. I have no advice to give you other than if this conference doesn't go well, to see if you can get another teacher or transfer schools. The situation will only get worse, unfortunately.

Good luck!!

Answer 2

For starters with the teacher, butter her up at the conference by saying you really want to make sure you are on the same page at home and that you are open to any suggestions that would help your child in the classroom...kids are going to hit and as long as you are discussing it w/ your daughter and having appropriate consequences, there's not much more you can do...make a really cool behavior chart, where your daughter can get a sticker each school day....ask the teacher to send home a brief note about how her day went, and if it's a good report, she gets a sticker, if it's a bad report, you take one away....once she gets 10 stickers, she gets a treat, like the movies, etc.....one thing that might be helpful if possible is to ask the teacher if you could volunteer one day a week in classroom and make sure you are not letting your daughter stick by your side...then you can observe her, notice her triggers, and work with the teacher on a plan...also, if she's never been around kids, you should find another parent in class and arrange some play dates...supervise from a short distance and this will teach your daughter the social skills and when she has a hard time (ex..sharing) step in and guide her through the process..

Answer 3

my daughter also had a hard time adjusting in K i was told by the school to take her out and let her go back next year because she was an "early five" not once but three times and i stuck to my guns. My daughter was smart enopugh for K and i knew it. I did however have to do somethings like, if she got a behavior notice i would also punish her at home like make her wright sentences. She did not klike that so that alone helped her situation. My daughter also did not go to daycare or preschool and i found that she was very social in school. So i told her things like "if you go 2 weeks without being naughty in school you can have a 3 friends over for ice cream." As far as the hitting goes, you need to frimly express your concern again to the teacher face to faxe at conferences. Im not saying go in balls to the walls but let her teacher know that you understand that she cant see everything but as far as your concerned the matter is not settled. Let her know that you hope this was just an isolated incident but you trust that if it happens again something will be done.. Make sure you follow up on it if it does happen again try to contact the other childs parents if neccesary. Remember people will only treat you the way you allow them to. Be strong and stern not unreasonable.
good luck to you and your daughter.
dont worry she'll adjust

Answer 4

you tell that teacher that it is her job to discipline the children in her classroom. You are not there to catch your childs behavior while it is happening. No teacher should ever be cold to a parent. You should report this teacher to the school board of education if sge continues to neglect your childs needs. You should also go to this conference with your own disciplinary techniques in hand so that you can be on the same page. you need to have set rules for home and school with set punishments as well as set rewards. If your child ha a problem keeping her hands to herself. Have the teacher give the child 1 warning the next time she hits she should be disiplined immediatley. an appropriate discipline would be something like no recess followed by no tv at home. you need to talk to your daughter about her behaviors before and after school each day and let her know the consequences for negative behaviors and rewards for positive behaviors. Also talk to your daughter and ask her why she did the negative behavior..and actually listen to what she has to say. I am a major in Earlychildhood Education and I am shocked that your childs teacher hasn't tried these techniques yet..its all text book material!

Answer 5

For starters if the teacher has nothing positive to say about your child, then why would you want her to be taught by someone like that. Trust your child if she said that another boy hit her first, believe your child - a lot of children get abused everyday and when they try to tell someone they are told not to make up stories. There is always an explanation for children to rebel, talk to your daughter, explain that she must tell the teacher when someone hits her and not to hit back, teacher's may not notice someone hitting her but may see her hitting someone else, which can be a reason to way there is so much resentment there.

Change schools you do not want your child to feel like she doesn't fit in or that people don't like her, also see a child health nurse to check her behavioural patterns and see if there is anything out of the ordinary eg. ADHD etc... I am sure there isn't but it is best to be safe, it may just be an attention thing!

Answer 6

Ask to have your child transferred to another Kindergarten class.
Your child has to go to school, but does not have to be in that class.

It sounds like the teacher really isn't paying enough attention to all the children. Maybe a different class & teacher may help.

I have five children, the youngest is 3. My oldest was always in trouble, but never in the early years of school. Only when he got into 4th grade & up. My daughter who never got in trouble, did a few time in pre-k and k, was due to class size or the teacher. Changing her class & teacher did a world of good.

I would also, point of the bruise on your daughter's arm, from the other kid hitting her as well.

Best of luck...

Answer 7

We dealt with all of this last year when my son was in kindergarten. He had went to pre k and the first semester of kindergarten at another school so at first it was the adjustment to the new school, we thought, and I spent many afternoons after school trying to talk to his teacher. Then we got a note that he had gotten in trouble at school for fighting on the play ground and they had paddled him. I went off and went immediatly to the principles office when she walked in the door the next morning. My son had been hit hard enough with a stick that he had a knot on his head BUT they said he did all the hitting no one provoked it. His teacher was a lot like your daughters and just brushed me aside. I showed the principle the knot and he told her the other kid had hit him with the stick 3 times and he kept asking him to quit and when he didn't he hit him. I had the principle call the superintendant of the school in and my son's teacher. His teacher just said he was a problem child that lacked discipline at home I told them I wanted him removed from her class immediatly. They placed him in the other class and that teacher was wonderful about working with us and him and by the time the year finished we had discovered a lot of his problems in the classroom were he is adhd but with her help we got him through. Don't let that teacher label your child as a problem get her out of that class and always listen to what your daughter says when she comes home very carefully she will tell you all you need to hear you just have to listen to read between the lines. Good Luck

Answer 8

I was a pre-school teacher. I've had my share of kids who display such behaviour. The thing is, such negative behaviours are symptoms, not problems. While trying to manage behaviours, most teachers forgot to see the real problem. When the lesson is uninteresting, kids will usually tend to lose focus and start their mischieve. Or if they do not understand or if they have missed certain lessons.

However, if the problem does not lie in my class, I would call parents for a meeting to see if there are any changes in your household. Any form of change could affect a young child. I would work with the teacher to figure out what are the real problems. You need to tell her your child's side of the story.

I totally agree that good behaviour starts from home but I also believe in proper classroom management to ensure every child's safety and therefore maximise learning.

Answer 9

children go through phases
keep reminding your child that it is wrong to hit and they must tell an adult if someone hits
it will take them sometimes a long time to start doing this but they eventually will... they need to associate the two
get some toys at home and do some roleplaying
roleplay the feelings of each party... change them...

work with the school... they are usually very good at picking out problems... let them know you are wanting to fix this... then they will help you

children are different people to what we know when they arent with us

keep teh teacher informed about how you are trying to help your child at home to overcome this and ask them for some ideas...

roleplaying is definately a good way to start though... children learn alot with play... keep it fun and positive...

Answer 10

Many of the answers here think that "attacking" the teacher is OK. I don't know how you have approached her, but you should appoach her in a calm way and ask her how this situation can best be resolved. Ask her, "How can we work together to make things better?" Todays teachers often have too many kids and are at their wits end. Too many parents blame the teacher for all that is wrong. (Visa versa too many teachers blame the parents also.)

Your child's education is a collaboration between you and the teacher. Foster your relationship with that teacher. You may be surprised at the results.

As a school administrator, I see many teachers cringe when parents come or call because all they want to do is to blame. Your job and the teacher's job is to help your child. Work with her, not against her.

Good luck.