My 40 year old stepdaughter has been living with us for about 5 years now and to say the least it has been an experience.She is very bossy and nags me constantly in fact,I call her my 2nd wife!! What the problem is she has this facination about my sex life.She is constantly accusing me of masturbating or going to porno sites.She is always snooping around trying to catch me doing something or going thru the history on the cput to see what sites I visited.She constantly tells her Mother that I am after her body, which is certainly not true, and her mom knows this.She is a very attractive woman,has never been married or even had a serious relationship.She does not want kids says men are pigs and finds fault with just about everyone including her family.She came home from NYC after 9/11.She was a very successful rock band manager and her clients were big hitters.Now she seems to be content to live in the guest house with her 10 cats and run my life.Tell me what would you do?
2006-08-24 15:37:15 · 22 answers · asked by WAKE 99 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I must be totally honest with you,She gave us the money to renovate the garage into an apartment for her and to remodel the big house.I did just about all the work myself and she helped all the way.She can be sweet,kind,thoughtful when things go her way.She is very smart and can learn very quickly.I can not under any circumstances put her out or be mean to her.I think maybe she loves me.You see she also managed my band that is how I met her mother.
2006-08-25 03:01:47 · update #1
Its either she is also in love with you or too lonely.
If she is not lonely, why does she need 10 cats???
Improve her social circle or tell her to move out. She should be rich enough to hold out on her own.
2006-08-24 15:45:39 · answer #1 · answered by TEsha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like it is time for her to see a councelor and move out on her own and live her own life. 911 was a tragedy and understandable that she wanted to get away from NYC but there is more here, she resents the fact that her mother is in a happy loving relationship and she is alone. Past relationships have probably went bad for her and now she is judging all men from those experiences and trying to turn her mothr aginst you so it can be just the two of them. Sit down with your wife and explain what you feel and the two of you go to her together and tell her she needs to get into counceling and start looking for her own place as you are in your golden years of life and want to enjoy them. Give her a set amount of time to move and if she doesn't pack her stuff and set it on the porch after changing the locks. 40 and living at home is wrong and it is time for some tough love there.
2006-08-24 23:57:16 · answer #2 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all the signs of post traumatic stress disorder cant be any clearer,if she was not like this before 9/11. I mean HELLO. It is obvious this woman needs help in a big way, by the professionals, therapist, DR, etc... Seeing that she has holed herself up into a guest house with 10 cats, when she used to be so vibrante and successful, leads me to believe that she is suffering inside, the sad thing is that in the last 5 years no one in the family has realized exactly how much this poor woman is suffering mentally and emotionally, and unfortunately you are the target for her suffering. Stop complaining on what she is doing to you and talk to your wife about getting your step-daughter into therapy ASAP. You have watched her life fall apart in front of your eyes for the last 5 years, shame on you and your wife for not reconizing that this woman is mentally ill, God even Helen Keller would of picked up on this one.
2006-08-24 23:50:05 · answer #3 · answered by googey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is obviously conjuring up drama to replace the lifestyle she left back in New York. Possibly she wants you to be attracted to her because she believes that kind of attention will reaffirm her own belief in her worthiness as a woman. It really doesn't matter why she's doing it, she has to GO!!!!!! Get her the hell out of your house, now. At that age and with that experience she can clearly fend for herself and make her own way. You have been generous enough, thus far, help her pack and hire the moving van. I hear they might be opening the Cuban borders soon, maybe she can find a nice condo down there.....
2006-08-24 22:49:42 · answer #4 · answered by stpauligirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This girl needs to be screened for depression. If she's fine, you need to get some steel in your spine and tell her that in no uncertain terms is she to invade YOUR privacy and that if she continues to try to disrupt your life, then she should consider doing that from another place of residence. Change the locks on your door and don't let her have a spare key. Is she paying rent? If not, then she should start. Your wife needs to be behind you on this.This girl obviously have issues to deal with and you guys are not making it better by letting her walk rough shod over you. when she starts to accuse you of these things, politely ask her to leave. You will no longer tolerate this kind of disrespect toward you.When you catch her snooping, demand to know what does she thinks she is doing? and then demand, politely but firmly, that she leave the house and not to enter it again without your permission. Would you let ANYBODY else treat you this way? good luck, dear. You are going to need it. No body can treat you like this without your permission!
2006-08-24 23:10:08 · answer #5 · answered by sacredmud 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, being the step parent,( not to mention the fact that shes 40 and should be on her own with her own life) I think it would be the place of her mom to put her foot down and let her daughter know that she can mind her own business or find somewhere else to live. It sounds as if she is trying to come between the two of you or make her mom choose. I still think is moms place not yours to put an end to this. Good Luck!
2006-08-24 22:55:05 · answer #6 · answered by ASE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her issues don't lie with you, she's just using you as the whipping boy. She needs serious counselling and she needs to get her own place. Until then, nothing from your sex life to your favorite socks are her business. You and your wife have been more than charitable in allowing her to stay there for 5 years. Nagging, accusatory statements and lies are not acceptable from anyone, let alone someone that you are helping. I would tell her to get counselling and to put herself in a position to be independent. Give her a specific date as to when she needs to have an appointment and then a date to be out and stick to it.
2006-08-24 22:47:05 · answer #7 · answered by justme 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Be Direct, Be Blunt, Be Adamant.
Tell her SHE is the CHILD in your house, IRREGARDLESS of step status and age. Tell her to act her age and manners, OR she can find another place to keep her cats.
There is no excuse for bad behavior, at ANY age!
Personally, I would put her stuff on the curb.
I went through a bad step child situation after my wife and I were married, and ultimately, the child left my house.
Good Luck and God Bless
2006-08-24 22:49:09 · answer #8 · answered by wi_saint 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your house. If you no longer want her there go to court and serve her with eviction papers. If it has been five years, you will probably need the legalities taken care of. If your wife has an objection, it may come down to a "her or me" situation. (Your wife may be relieved to have her out of the picture if she is that bad.)Stick to your guns, but be prepared for the consequences.
Good luck
2006-08-24 23:34:46 · answer #9 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get this woman to therapy and into her own apartment. You don't need this type of grief. It's good that your wife is so understanding but a lie told often enough becomes the true. Set yourself free.
2006-08-24 22:44:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋