If my new girlfriend agrees to an exclusive relationship, should that include no 'searches' on dating sites?

Question

I began dating in June (after a long time off the scene) and met several wonderful women, then I found someone special. Before we started sleeping together, we agreed to an exclusive relationship. The connection has been powerful and fast but we both feel this might lead to a LTR. Today, I was using her computer to check my email and local news when the 'auto type' feature of her web browser showed me something upsetting: she's recently browsed M4W postings on Craigslist, about a half dozen. My first impulse is to be straightforward and ask her about it. I know she will probably say I was snooping, but that would just be a distraction from the real issue. If she is bored or unsatisfied, or some other needs are going unspoken or unmet, I want to know. I see this as an opportunity to resolve any doubts. Am I being paranoid? Is it none of my business? Or should I face this head on and not stick my head in the sand? I'd appreciate feedback from women, 40+.

Answer 1

I AM NOT OVER 40, BUT I WOULD ASK HER IF SHE FELT FULFILLED WITH ME. GIVE HER A CHANCE TO TELL YOU IF THERE IS ANY NEEDS OF HERS THAT YOU HAVE YET TO FULFILL.
THEN ASK HER IF THERE IS ANYTHING SHE WANTS TO CONFESS TO YOU. GIVE HER A CHANCE TO DO THIS ON HER OWN, TO TELL YOU WHAT AND WHY.
IF SHE EVADES THE QUESTIONS, TELL HER THAT SHE IS CAUSING DOUBTS IN YOUR MIND. THEN ASK HER MORE SPECIFICALLY WHAT HER DEFINITION OF CHEATING IS. GIVE HER A CHANCE TO ANSWER.
IF SHE DOES NOT TALK ABOUT IT, STILL, THEN ASK HER HOW SHE WOULD FEEL IF YOU WERE STILL DATING OLINE.
REMEMBER PERCEPTION DOES NOT EQUAL INTENT. GIVE HER A CHANCE TO TELL YOU OF HER PERCEPTION AND HER INTENT. AND SHARE YOUR PERCEPTION (THAT YOU THINK SHE IS STILL LOOKING FOR SOMEONE). GIVE HER A CHANCE TO SET THINGS STRAIGHT.
I AGREE WITH YOU IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE BEING STRUNG ALONG OR DECEIVED, BUT YOU MUST GIVE HER A CHANCE BEFORE YOU REACT. THAT SHOWS EMPATHY AND COMPASSION, WHICH IS WHAT YOU WANT FROM HER, RIGHT?

Answer 2

Well, actually, you have no way of knowing "when" she browsed that list, because if she never clears that history it's still there.

Yes, you're snooping, and if you asked me that, I would say that since you have no trust in me, go away now and never come back.

So are you also going to worry if a nice looking guy is on the beach and she "looks" at him too long.

Grow up - you're 40 years old and still that paranoid? Maybe your significant other cheated on you, so every other woman gets painted with the same brush.

Trust until there is a reason not to trust.

If she's bored and doesn't want to tell you, then it's time for you to move on. From what I see, it's time for you to move on anyways, because you're "looking" for a reason to walk.

And yes, I'm very much in the demographic that you're looking for answers from.

Answer 3

Sorry I'm way younger than 40+, but still I can give my thoughts. I think you should confront her about it. If she says your snooping, like you said, she's just trying to change the subject. Don't fall for it. I think it's wrong of her to be on dating sites when she's in a relationship. Tell her how you feel about it and you've done all you can from there. Good lucky, buddy!

Answer 4

Well I'm not 40 but I am a mature woman... I think that if you are already having these questions come up then you may want to rethink this relationship. If your i a exclusive relationship then it should not include internet dating sites. She is probably doubting the realtionship. Talk to her about it. Tell her what happened. YOu need the truth.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Exclusive means exclusive...that does not mean it's ok for either party to go searching on "dating websites". I am not 40+, however, I do know enough to know that she shouldn't be doing that.

If you are on her computer and see that by chance.....than you weren't snooping. Confront her.

Answer 7

It's just fun to see different people on those sites. ( If she is a 'people watcher' take her to the park for a picnic sometime. ) It is a little unsettling to find out you're being snooped on by your significant other.

Answer 8

she's either just bored and looking and fantasizing or she's tired of you and is looking, i think you should ask her and tell her the only issue to discuss is what i ask you because it was an honest mistake on my part how i found out but dont ever tell her how ! just say i have my ways of finding out and i wish i had'nt,if she loves you she'll let it go and so will you.

Answer 9

If the dating is in line with love & admire, theres no such ingredient as expiration. I disagreed with this. How can the loving dating in between be certain & babies, specialy interior the case of a mom & babies, get expiry even after death. I donot think of so. Atleast in my case it somewhat is incorrect.

Answer 10

if your relationship is exclusive then it is wrong to check on dating sites unless it is just for fun, but you can always use a fake id and see what she is really up too.