How do I get my Kids to Listen to me?

Question

I have a 3 kids, a almost 4 year old daughter, 2 year old son, and 1 10 month old. The 10 month old is not a problem, it is the other two. my daughter hardly evers listens to me. when she does not want to do something she tells me "i dont want you", "go away" "I want you to leave". Its really starting to get on me nerves. Now my son is really mean he hits and chokes and what ever else he can do to the other. Im at my wits end on what to do. I just want a nice calm family.

I have tried time outs and everything else that can be done nothing works. I have taken away toys and tv time. nothing works.

We play and go do things they want to do. but they act up worst after. so i tryed stop doing things they want to do until they behave but even that dont work.

They have gotten to the point to where they will not even listen to their dad. and They have been with out toy or tv for like a week and a have. now my kids have good imaginations so they finds things to play with but the only other thing i can think of that might get them to listen is to spank them or something to that effect. and I really dont want to do that because of the child protective service thing.

I was i could get help. but everyone works. my hubby works nights so he sleeps till its time to go to work. my parents have pasted away. and my mother in law works and my sister in law works and goes to school. All my friends are in san antonio. so i have noone.

I guess my biggest thing is i need time for me. I have not had even a few minutes to do what i want to do since my daughter was born. if the kids go see nana it is because i need to get things at the house done andthen once im donr i go get them. i dont know what to do. i feel like im loseing my mind.

Answer 1

Welcome to the club! My kids (i have two - 8-yr old girl & 5-yr old boy) sometimes drive me crazy too. ..here are a few things that I learned and I want to share with you:

"Developing respect for parents is the critical factor in child management. It is the ultimate paradox of childhood that youngsters want to be led, but insist that their parents earn the right to lead them. Backtalk is a child's most potent weapon to defiance and had to be discouraged. They will always challenge our authority and you must be willing to respond to the challenge immediately. "Are you in charge or I am?". Disciplinary action is not an assault on parental love, it is a function of it. A small amount of discomfort goes a long way toward softening a child's rebellious spirit. However, the spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause genuine tears. The best opportunity to communicate often occurs after a disciplinary event."

"The most vital objective of disciplining a child is to gain and maintain his respect (not to satisfy the parent's egos, but because his relationship with them provides the basis for his later attitude towards other people.)

I want to send you the book, for it makes a lot of sense to me now. I hope somehow to have shed some light into your world?

I would welcome your comments (or questions) in my email. Maybe we could exchange notes...

Answer 2

First of all, stop yelling at your kids when you are frustrated at them. They know, even at such young ages, exactly how to set you off and that 10 month old is probably in your arms or very near by when you lose it with your other kids. That 10 month old is going to learn from all three of you and it won't be a valuable lesson.

Second, because your children know your attention is divided, whther they understand that phrase or not, they have learned how to push everything to the end of the "envelope" because they know you probably aren't paying the most attention to them, you attention is on the 10 month old.

With these two points in mind, ask someone to help you with your youngest child and then focus your attention on your older children. Look them straight in the eye every single time you talk to them unless you are driving. This way they will know that they truly have your attention, the way they did before their youngest sibling was born. I hate to say it, butyou have taught them that the only time they can get your undivided attention is when they are doing something wrong. You've taught them this and now you must un-teach it.

WHen was the last time you asked either of the older children a question about what they liked or what they wanted? I'm not going to tell you that their answer is going to make sense or be any part of reality, but chidlren really do want to be important to you and since humans communicate, talking in this way is the best way to promote good attention for you children. If your child asks you a question, no matter how dumb it may seem or how many times you may have heard it before, answer the question in an adult fashion. It will give them something to think about and it means you are paying attention to them.

Punishment can be difficult to determine, but whatever you do, remember that your child learns from you, even in bad situations. If you decide to smack your child to get their attention, I can guarantee you, you will watch that child smack you or another sibling when they want attention. You can't really get mad at the child, it's what you taught him or her. Whatever you decide is punishment, stick to it no matter how much it inconveniences the rest of your family. If your child is acting up as you are ordering food in line at the local fastfood restaurant, leave the restaurant immediately and let the child know that their behavior (not them) is why you left the restaurant and you will not go back until the offensive behavior ends for good. DO NOT TELL THE CHILD THAT YOU LEFT BECAUSE OF THEM!!!!! Make sure the child knows it was their behavior and not them which result in everyone leaving the restaurant before you got food. That way they will know that if they behave properly they can go back and get food and not that they personally can't go back. THis way a child will learn how to modify their behavior in certain situations and not feel as though they are always a bad person because they are breathing.

If you use this information as a start to bring your family together, and you stick with it no matter what, it will take about three weeks for you to see a remarkable change in how your family gets along together.

Answer 3

I can understand what you mean because when my kids were little they never took me serious for two reasons. The first, its not so much what you say to them, its HOW you said it! You must say it with authority, like you really mean it! Then, if you threaten to take away a toy or something if they are misbehaving, you must do it if they don't listen to you, or they will not believe you after that anymore. I have a soft voice that is not a voice of authority, and its not a firm voice, so they used to think it was a big joke! Even my husband would laugh at me, when I was trying to disapline the kids, or even when I was mad at him. But you have to say it like you really mean it, and follow through with whatever you say. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

They are running you. If you don't interject some discipline, you will have terrible teenagers. I seems that you want your kids to like you. Do you think your grandparents suffered from the same delusion? They need a firm hand and not a mom who is a "friend" Kids put on a pedestal will behave like that.

Answer 5

I speak to my 3 yr old daughter as in a grown up way with words she understands(she only listens to me).. the she acts spoilt I make her feel guilty tell her all i did for her and if she continues she wont get any gifts santa clause wont come this year, she only gets spankin if she does somethin that couldve harmed her( eg put somethin around her neck

Answer 6

Time outs work the best for my kid. They need to be punished when they act out or they will continue to do it. I've heard from many to do time outs 1 minute for every year they are. If they get up or act out more, the time starts over. Good luck!!!!

Answer 7

My 2 kids never listen to me either. I have also tried everything, time outs, taking things away. but what I have found what works is giving them choices. Even if it is small ones to get them to listen to me. For instance if I tell my son go brush his teeth he is more than likely not going to do it, but if I tell him to go brush his teeth or go to bed, he might do it. I think I have also realize that they are not always going to do what you tell them, you just have to do the best you can, hopefully eventually they will grow out of it, at least that is what I am hoping. i wish you the best of luck!

Answer 8

MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU I RAISE 3SONS THEY R NOW 26 25 AND ALMOST 22 THERE WERE TIMES I FELT LIKE THERE WOULD B NO TOMORROW AND FOUD MYSELF HAPPY HOW EVER MINE NEVER TALKED TO ME WITH DISRESPECT MY HUSBAN WOULD HAVE PUNISHED THEM I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD SPANK THEN 24 7 PUT A POP ON THE REAR DOES GET THEIR ATTETION I CAN COUNT ON 1 HAND HOW MANY SPANKYS MINE GOT TOGEATHER PUT THERE WERE TIMES THEY GOT TOYS TV GAMES TRIPS TAKEN AWAY NO EXCEPTION YOU GOT TO LET THEM KNOW YU ARE BOSS AND NO MEANS NO I HAVE A 2YR OLD GRANDSON THAT LIVES W/ ME MY SON AND DAUGTHERINLAW MAKE HIM SIT TIME OUT THEY EVEN TURN OFF BARNEY YOU WOULD THINK THE WORLD WAS COMING TO AN END BUT IT WKS BUT HOW EVER YOU CHOOSE TO HANDLE IT BE CONSISTED GOOD LUCK MOM IS THE ONLY JOB YOU CAN LOVE AND HATE ITS NOT EASY TAKE TIME 4 YOUR SELF IT MAKES IT EASIER

Answer 9

Watch the show "SuperNanny" I think you will learn alot. Seriously, this is a great show.

Answer 10

show interest in them and their activities