My husband and I have an age difference of 23 years, but that does not bother either of us. He had been divorced for 10 years before we got together and has 2 sons. The oldest son we just moved closer to because of problems with the other one. He is 30 years old and just got around to telling me that he has not liked me from day one. He has no reason, just says I am not one of his favorite people. I can understand that but what I don't understand is letting me think all these years we were a family and them all of a sudden tell me this. I have two kids both of which love my husband to death, they have had their share of problems, but I think that comes with step families. I know I should probably say to h... with it but I am the kind of person who has a hard time knowing someone doesn't like me, especially when they can't tell me why. I guess what I want to know is what you would do in my situation? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
2006-08-24 14:20:32 · 31 answers · asked by Tammy G 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you were at a party of 100 people and only 1 did not like you, would you spend the night trying to get that one person to like you? Let it go! Honestly, it doesn't really matter if he likes you or not... not everyone will like you. It happens! Personalities clash. Your husband loves you and THAT is all that matters. Good luck! :)
2006-08-24 14:27:47 · answer #1 · answered by Whatever 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just accept the truth- not everyone likes each other in this world, and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean that either of you are bad people. Sometimes, personalities just don't click because you disagree on things. It's too bad that you can't have a great relationship with your step-child, but that's just the way life works. Even parents and blood-related kids sometimes don't like each other, and they just bond with other people instead.
So accept the fact that you and your step-son aren't meant to be pals, but try to maintain the other relationships in the two of your lives. Don't let your bad relationship with your stepson effect either your relationship with your husband or your step-son's relationship with his dad. Especially don't create a "Either he goes or I go" situation. Explain kindly to your husband that his son doesn't like you, simply so your husband knows why the two of you won't be pal-ing around, but don't talk negatively about his son or make him feel bad for it. Then, when you and your step-son have to be around each other, be cordial but not fake-friendly to him. You may never have a loving relationship, but at least you'll have an honest one.
In fact, maybe it's good that he finally let his feelings out into the open. The frustration with pretending to like someone you really dislike can only increase feelings of resentment. Now you both know where you stand, and you can at least hopefully work together to be nice to each other for your husband's sake.
2006-08-24 14:35:30 · answer #2 · answered by Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would chalk it up to jealousy on the older sons part. Yes, he's 30, but he can't control his father or the fact that his father had two more kids! He's never going to love/like you. So, I suppose you're going to have to grin and bear it for your son and husbands sake. I would be civil but would not go out of my way to try to make this man happy. I'd also share this with my husband so he would know how you feel and take this in consideration when he want to visit his other children or get together. Some things are not worth fighting over, and this is one of them. Good Luck, honey.
2006-08-24 14:36:05 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how you old you are but the 30 yo has some maturity issues. I'd venture to say he probably doesn't dislike you per se, is just pissy about something or had a bad hair day. Whatever the case I wouldn't let it concern you. If he can't tell you what he doesn't like, you can't possibly solve the issue. Continue to be the more mature person and live your life as you have been - treating everyone with respect and love - and he'll get over it. It's possible he wants to feel dominant over you now that he's supposed to be an "adult" and is just trying to hurt your feelings because he knows your caring nature.
2006-08-24 14:24:38 · answer #4 · answered by thislifeisnotforme 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not think so much. He has just said it...and you are feeling a lil down and trying to find an answer to his dislike. Imagine if he has kept quiet..wont you be doing what you were doing before? Ignore what you have heard, and continue with your daily life. Afterall he is already 23 and sooner he will be leaving the house. Important thing is that your husband still adores you and you have nothing to lose. Everyone has the right to like or dislike someone..it comes naturally and not by forcing. if you probe too much its going to cause tension and unhappiness in your family. you are matured and i bet you can keep that feeling to the side and be as what you were to him before he told his feelings to you. in this way, he will also realise that you are not doing it for your husband, even after knowing that he doesnt like you, you still care for him as if nothing had happened. its a small matter and leave it away, you dont want to trade your happy family with this little news?? do you?
2006-08-24 14:33:33 · answer #5 · answered by CuriosCAT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if that was my situation, I'd do nothing.
Obviously, his son was polite enough to leave you and your husband alone for 10 years and do what you'd like to do - which is to form a family.
His had a choice to be polite like he was, or he could have been disruptive. But he didn't. As much as this is hard for you now, it had been a lot harder for him being younger - to accept the fact his father will be with someone he does not like. He acted quite 'adult' for his younger age.
You can't expect him to like you, but you can expect him to treat you with respect - which he did. Acknowledge the fact two of you will never be pals and move on.... It is unreasonable for you to expect you'll receive an universal acceptance from everybody.
2006-08-24 14:32:04 · answer #6 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there will be nothing you can do to change his opinion of you. if you love your husband then don't trip on his or you guys son (step or whatever you don't step on him). that is something he has to Deal with. you don't change your way for no one. i don't like my fathers wife but i am not gonna spend my life hating her and get myself ill. just pray for restoration and wait. ans see his heart change. but in the meantime in between time you be you.stop worrying about what people think about you everyone is not gonna like you. what will you do worry about every person that doesn't? then you are wasting your life away with something you have no control over. all step families are not like that though. my fathers first wife after my mom was so cool i was 8 when they got together and 17 when they divorced i am38 now and still call her my mom 2 marriages after her. so it is the person on how they feel. he is just ignorant or has his selfish reason as to why he hates you cause i am sure you didn't give him a reason. if his dad married someone besides his mom if she were still around he would hate her too. so don't feel like he singled you out. but you must get rid of that worrying what people think about you you limit yourself like that. who cares what another feels you are not here for anyone to like you either they do or they don't be you.
2006-08-24 14:37:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry to hear of your situation. At the same time, though, the step-son is his own person and thus, has a right to like or dislike anyone he chooses.
If he's really not like you from the start, I really doubt there's much you can do to change that situation. As hard and heart-breaking as it may be, you may have to accept it as best you can.
Best wishes to you and your family...
2006-08-24 14:31:53 · answer #8 · answered by WhyAskWhy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children don't like stepparents no matter what their age. You have his dad's attention and maybe he's just jealous. If Dad has any money, son might think there goes my inheritance. I was just informed after 9 yrs that if it wasn't for me dad and mom would have got back together by his daughter. I didn't like my stepmom either and I never told her. We were a few years apart in age and she always wanted to talk about their sex life. grrrrr Good luck but don't take it personally, if the son has a problem he needs to talk to you and his dad about it.
2006-08-24 14:40:39 · answer #9 · answered by c k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to think of your husbands feelings .
Maybe you and he could keep an amiable distance without disrupting the family harmony.
Do not let this man interfere with your marriage to his father.
At 30 yrs he is old enough to get on with his life and respect his father and you
2006-08-24 14:26:17 · answer #10 · answered by witchfromoz2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋