Where do you draw the line between simply hurting a child, and abusing the child? How do you know if it's just discipline, or something else? If the person who you think is an "abuser" treats a child very well sometimes, than you can't accuse him/her of abuse, right?
2006-08-24 13:41:20 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thanks, everyone.
The treatment isn't as much physical as much as emotional. That's why I'm not too sure. Very frequently, almost every night, this boy (about 8 or 9) and his parents get into an argument. Sometimes it's about the smallest things, like a messy room, an imperfect homework, or a failed math test. At first, he answers back, but his mother soon curses at him, yells at him, insults him, and calles him names like "fat pig", or "ugly bastrad". They are soon yelling at him, yelling in his face, yanking his hair. When they are very angry they start whipping him with a belt. This boy does disrespect his parents, but I think they are reacting the wrong way. The next day, both he and his parents act like there is nothing wrong.
When his parents are in a good mood, they shower him with expensive gifts like a psp, or a digital camera, and let him have his way. They are too lenient sometimes, and I guess thats why he's hard to control.
2006-08-24 14:52:20 · update #1
If someone a) dishes out inappropriate punishment, or leaves marks on a child, b) curses or insults the child, c) creates a destructive environment, such as screaming, violence toward others, and so on.... then it is abuse. This is NOT a comprehensive definition.
It does not matter if that kid is treated like a king the rest of the time. How would you feel if you were raped, and the police said, "Well, the assailant was polite before and after, wasn't he?"
If you strongly suspect abuse, you have an obligation to take steps. Don't confront an abuser, they may threaten you, or they may hide evidence. Talk to the other adults in that family. If it comes to it, contact child protective services.
There is a human being involved who is nearly helpless. You may be their only rescuer. If you do nothing, it will be a mark on your soul for the rest of your life.
---reply to additional details:
What can I say to beg for mercy on this 9 year old's behalf? Do you think his behavior problem justifies being called a fat pig or ugly basta*d? NO behavior justifies that. These parents have poor impulse control. They lash out as if they were children themselves. They are hurting that boy. If you think they are non-threatening to you, then sit down with them and say you are involved, simply by virtue of proximity, and if they can't control themselves, you will have to make some calls to Protective Services.
I would make the calls immediately, without sitting them down. How dare they speak to anyone that way. Anyone. They think it's safe to abuse him because he can't fight back effectively. Cowards. If he does have behavior problems, these incompetents have no chance of turning it around for him.
2006-08-24 13:46:39 · answer #1 · answered by KALEL 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not true at all. If the abuser treats a child well sometimes, they are still an abuser. In fact, many abusers have good times and bad times. That only adds to the emotional pain a child goes through. I don't condone physical discipline in any cases, but I guess the line between "acceptable" and unacceptable physical discipline is whether the child recieves or is at risk of recieving any long-lasting pain from the actions. For example, spanking hurts while the child is being spanked, but the pain goes away within a few minutes or so afterwards, depending on how hard it was. If, on the contrary, there are permanent marks like bruises on the child, or if she feels pain long afterwards, it becomes abuse. This is a fuzzy definition, but generally if you are wondering about it you should consider turning the person in for abuse or at least looking into the situation, like telling a relative of the abuser that their family member might have a problem. Better safe than sorry.
2006-08-24 20:50:30 · answer #2 · answered by Blondie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Abuse is hitting the child anywhere but a spank on the butt or a moderate smack on the back of their hand.
You need to be very sure that what you are seeing is abuse. Some parents don't believe in only time-outs and talking. There is nothing wrong with a swat on the butt to get a kid's attention. If that is all you are seeing, leave it be. It may not be what everyone thinks is right, but the kid is not being hurt.
When you get child services involved in peoples lives, it really takes a toll. Make sure that the parents deserve that kind of trouble for whatever their transgression is. It is very bad. Do not turn them into any authorities unless you are sure that the kids are being hurt.
2006-08-24 20:43:39 · answer #3 · answered by FozzieBear 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
discipline means that you are allowing the child to know what it is that he/she did wrong. Spank the child and explain to him/ her what it is that s/he is getting disciplined for.
if abuse is taking place, the child has no idea why s/he is being hurt. Just for sitting in front of the TV or listening to music and getting smacked in the head or anywhere that will leave a lasting bruise (the back, legs, arms, etc.)
but if a parent is dragging the child by the arm and piercing his little arms with fingers and nails hard enough to leave an imprint, I would say that it would constitute as abuse.
2006-08-24 21:03:44 · answer #4 · answered by one_sera_phim 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"If the person who you think is an "abuser" treats a child very well sometimes, than you can't accuse him/her of abuse, right?"
No. Abusers usually go through cycles of anger then guilt. If the abuse rears it's ugly head again it is still abuse no matter how sorry or how well the abuser treats the victim. Abuse is abuse. It doesn't have to be a constant thing.
Discipline does not have to be abusive, violent or demeaning to a child. The object of discipline is to teach.
2006-08-24 20:54:35 · answer #5 · answered by GJ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This child is being abused plain and simple. To grow up in a home being called names is very damaging to a child. The old saying goes "you can't unring a bell" Once the words are spoken there is no taking it back. This causes major problems for a child as he/she gets older. The gift buying is only a guilty conscience. They buy gifts (when they should be using love) to try and make up for the abuse. I would contact someone to investigate this issue.
2006-08-25 08:03:01 · answer #6 · answered by Kim 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pay attention to how the child behaves around the person you suspect. Does the child act afraid? You can tell a lot by body language. An abuser will treat a child well, especially in front of other people. Just pay attention & do what your gut tells you to. Your instincts are usually correct.
2006-08-24 21:00:52 · answer #7 · answered by Someone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you start to see bruises or the child has unexplainable injuries then that is abuse NO MATTER how well the abuser treats the child sometimes. Also if you feel the person us going too far with their discipline then that is also abuse. Use your good sense.
2006-08-24 20:49:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Common sense should tell you what would be considered 'to much' discipline.
If a person I think is an "abuser" and sometimes treats the child very well, that person is still an ABUSER !!!
Justice for Kelsey Briggs
2006-08-24 20:54:27 · answer #9 · answered by anywhoo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a serious question and I would need more details of the situation to answer this. everyone has a different definition of Child Abuse. if you would like to e-mail me we could talk further about this. beware: some of the answers you are going to get maybe way off base, be careful which ones you read and dont make any rash decisions until you have spoken with a professional.
2006-08-24 20:53:08 · answer #10 · answered by Lonesome Dove 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋