Is it ethical to not tell a man if he got you pregnant?

Question

I've seen a lot a guys who have messed up childrens lives to get back at the mother. I think it would be easier on every party concerned just to keep your mouth shut.

I'm not pregnant. I just work with a lot of women who I think would have been better off if the SOBs had never known.

Answer 1

I have done this...

Answer 2

Well, it really depends on the situation. If the father was a substance abuser, or is violent, it may be better for the child and the mother if the father doesn't know. In most other cases, it is the right thing to do to let the dad know. It is unfortunate that immature men and women will use their children to get back at the other parent. Those people are just plain selfish. The Child will want to know about his/her father at some point in the future, so I don't think it is a good idea to hide something like that in many (but not all) cases.

Answer 3

I dont think its ethical. Give the man a chance to be a father. And give the child a chance to have a father. The only way I would say that you are better off not telling is if you know the guy is a real loser- ie he's a drunk, a druggie, a gangbanger, or whatever. But any decent guy would own up to his responsibilities. Plus, if there is a chance the dude will be a good dad, the child deserves to have a chance to have that father figure in their life.

Answer 4

We live in the 21st Century....ethics is something that is within a persons own heart and mind.
If the man would only be a detriment in the mother and child's life and she would not necessary live with or marry him without a child in the picture...then why mess up everybody's lives by telling him. If she is even asking the question as to whether it is ethical or not, then there is some underlying problem there already and she has already answered her own question.
Many children are raised by a single parent and they are growing up with loving grandparents,uncles,cousins,friends and such...so they are getting the male interaction that they need....who needs a sperm donor who is gonna berate the mother in front of the child, threaten to leave with the child or have his family threaten to take the child. Who needs that kind of stress!
I say, let your conscience be your guide.

Answer 5

NO! it is wrong and most of all it is unfair to the child i found out a had a son a year and 25 days after my he was born it was the most devistaing day of my life i missed so much 1st steps 1st word ect... my son is 4 now and lives with me i have given up so much i got out of my management position where i was making 60k+ a year and now work as a grunt in a whare house making $13 an hour just so i culd be with my son being a single dad is the hardest thing i have ever done the only part i would chage about my life is not missing my sons 1st year and 25 days of his life not telling the father is selfish and unfair to the child and the father if you and the father cant get along well thats just too dam bad its not about you any more its about the child and if the father is "messing up the childs life" then mabe a goverment agncy should be asked to step in i think by not allowing the father to be a part of the childs life the MOTHER is messing up the childs life you have to act like adults if you truly feel that the father would not want to be a part of the childs life then ASK! him to give up all rights to the child when my sons mom told my i had a son she said " i just want you to know, i know its a big bomb all the sudden if you dont want to do any thing thats fine i dont want your money or any thing else i just wanted you to know its up to you what you want to do here is my phone # call me if you want" needlessto say i did the right thing and became a part of my sons life his mother and i get along just fine we have had our arguments but i think the what makes it work is that we both know that we just want what is best for our child SHE HAS NEVER THREATED ME BY SAYING SHE WOULD NOT LET ME SEE HIM NOR HAVE I EVER DONE THAT TO HER i belive thats how most seperated parents get bad blood between them by using the child as a threat to get there way when his mother and i first talked about the situation we sat down i showed her my bank account statements and pay stubs and assured her that our son would have any thing he needed and almost any thing he would want and if she needed any money at any time for any thing just ask i would give it to her i also made it very clear that althogh i have only knowen about my son for a week i would not let her keep me from seeing him and the first time she tried to treaten me by saying i wont let you see him or you cant see him i would not have a problem spending every red cent in that bank account to defend my rights as a father


you say you now a lot of women who say they wish they would have never told the fathers why dont you ask the fathers?

Answer 6

I am going to use a story that involves me, a woman, some sex and the word pregnant. This happend right around five years ago, I had just hooked up with a lady that was nine years my senior. When the time came for us to get it on I said I wasn't sure because I didn't have a condom and she said she didn't like them anyways, so I told her I would do it that time but I wanted her to go on birth control which she agreed to. About two months later after some time in the slammer a yearly event that happens in my town comes and me and this lady are still together working in the same place, well one night she is asked to wait tables instead of cook and she makes a little money. After work she asks me if I want some beer, and other things and I am like wow this is cool. So we go home and I get messed up, well we are laying in bed and she proceeds to tell me that she is pregnant, well after much sighing I decide that I am going to stay (after she tells me I could go with no ill will). Getting to the point, we are now married and things are just fine. Although I did find out a couple of years ago that she was going to just leave the state and not even tell me. My advice to you is to really go into deep thought about this person, will he be a good father and stay or will he ditch out and leave you to do it all yourself if that is the case then don't tell him. But if you think he would be a good father and will be there and stay and not screw around or something like that then tell him, if nothing he deserves to know I would have hated trying to explain to a teenage kid that tracked me down years later why I wasn't around and if you think about it your kid deserves to know also (when the time is right anyway). Hopefully this can shed some light on what you will decide.

Answer 7

I don't think you could know that a man might be a problem with causing havoc in the child's life at the beginning. At least not 100%.

You play around with a lot of ethics when you choose not to tell, which could be seen just as spiteful as the problem you believe that you are trying to avoid.

Answer 8

If the woman is pregnant outside of marriage and doesn't tell the man, then her children are missing out on the most basic relationship with their fathers. Child support.

If neither the man or woman are honorable enough to get married, then she should expect child support payments for eighteen years.

But if she's pregnant outside of marriage then she should put the child up for adoption, but only after giving the father and HIS family a chance to gain custody.

I know of a case where a man I knew found out he was the father of an eleven year old daughter. He never knew and only found out when the mother went on welfare all those years later. The only way a woman can get welfare for her children is to name the father. Steve was in shock. He had to do DNA testing. Yes, he was the father of the girl he never met. He was hit with child support. Needless to say he felt ripped off and ended up pretty angry with females in general!

It is VERY UNETHICAL to not tell a man he's the father of your child.

If you cannot care for it, give it up for adoption.

Answer 9

I think not telling the man that she's pregnant until some time down the road when she's in a pinch and wants to suddenly start collecting child support is unethical.

Answer 10

No. I think you have an ethical responsibility to the father as well as to the child. The father is just as much that child's parent as you are; just because you carry the child doesn't mean you own it. I really think you need to tell him. Hopefully, he'll live up to his responsibilities (emotional & financial), but if he does then that's on him. I still think he (and your child) deserve to know.

Answer 11

I think if a guy contributed in the conception of a baby . . . he has the right to know . . . and the baby has the right to know who his/her father is . . whether the guy is an SOB or not . .

think about what's best for the child . . . it's not the baby's fault that his dad is immature . . the mom should have reconsidered her decision before she laid down with him . . .