Did I do the right thing? Or am I a bad person? Sorry this is so long.?

Question

My parents split when I was little & I stayed 2 live with my mom. After awhile I moved in with my dad. My mom was always on drugs, and my dad was an alcoholic. Neither of them were great parents but my dad was rich & figured I would have a better life there. He was away all the time so I had 2 raise my little sister on my own. I was then put in the hospital at the age of 16 with breast cancer. I had no one at my side besides my bf and my little sister. My dad died of alcohol posioning while I was batteling cancer. After almost a year in the hospital my sis started acting out of control. She would run off time after time & do drugs. I tried telling her 2 stop and I tried 2 give her a good life she deserved but the drugs were more important 2 her. I gave her 4 chances 2 straighten up her life, but each time she failed me, she got pregnant and abandoned her kid with me while I was dieing. She wants another chance and I turned her down, because i'm tired of her hurting me. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

I totally understand how you feel. My father murdered my mother and we were left to relatives who didn't even want us. I am the second oldes if 8. Now we are all adults. The youngest is 18, thank god. I have a family. I started my family at the age of 16. I was young but what was I to do. Anyways now I'm 25 and ever since 16 with twins and living on my own I have had each and every family member move in with me. The years of 16 to 25 I had experienced hurt feelings from each member. I always tell myself that "ok this will never happen again." But I seem to always let them hurt me. I don't think they intentionally do it, but they don't understand. We or I was the oldest and as being the oldest we tend to take charge and try to help younger siblings. They sometimes to seem to understand that just because we are able to get up on our feet doesn't mean that we haven't been affected from what happened in the past or present. We just know our priorities better then they do. I am taking care of one of my sister's oldest son who is 8 now. She comes around and is always apologizing, but like I tell her show me results. I mean show me that you can hold a job, have a permanent residence, show me that you are trying to be there for your son. All the normal things that you or I would do normally. To make all this short and to answer your question I DON'T THINK THAT YOU ARE WRONG. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH ONE PERSON CAN TAKE. YOU HAVE TO SET YOUR LIMIT. AND YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT CLEAR TO HER THAT IT IS THE BEST FOR YOU AND HER BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND RESPONSIBILITES. SHE WILL PROBABLY HATE YOU FOR AWHILE BUT THEY ALWAYS COME BACK. EVEN IF IT IS YEARS FROM NOW. IF SHE WANTS TO TALK OK LETS TALK LIKE THAT IS OKY, ANYTHING ELSE LIKE BORROWING MONEY OR STAYING WITH YOU FOR AWHILE THAT IS NOT OK. I hope this helps sorry it was so long. I just wanted to let you know that I know the situation and understand first hand what you are talking about. It will be hard but stand your ground and GOOD LUCK TO YOU, MY PRAYS ARE WITH YOU.

Answer 2

You're not wrong to try and help your sister. You obviously lover her, and you want her to be a good person and not end up like your parents. My bf's parents are the same way, but luckily he is like you, and realizes that drugs and alcohol are not the right thing to do. Since your sister never really had any parental guidance, she's probably lost. There's only so much a sister can do. If she really feels like she can turn around, you should let her try. Tell her she can talk to you about anything, anytime. Make sure she knows that you're there for her.

I hope you make it through you cancer! My grandma beat breast cancer and I'm sure you can do the same! BEST OF LUCK!

Answer 3

It's hard turning down a family member. But, a person can only handle so much in their life. You have more than you should have to handle. As long as you feel you did the right thing for you and the baby then go for it and don't think another thing about it. But, if you decided to give her another chance make her prove to you she's clean, tell her she will have to take a drug test every so often {your choice} and if she really is sorry she'll do it. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 4

You're not wrong and I'm sorry you have had such a tough life. When people are involved with drugs and drinking and show you that they don't care about you, it's hard to trust them. It doesn't sound as if your sister has done anything to show her love for you, and you need to take care of yourself, first and foremost. It sounds as if you were forced to grow up really fast and you did the best you could, but you don't have any obligation to be a doormat for your sister. Next you need to care for her child and although that's sad for her, unless she shows you that she's really changed, I wouldn't give her another chance. Good luck, and I hope you are feeling better now.

Answer 5

You should always give her another chance to straighten out her life, but what exactly does that mean for you? Her living with you? You supporting her financially? Assuming she is an adult now, I would say you have been through enough and she needs to take care of herself. You can still love and support her in other ways. Take good care of those kids, too.

Answer 6

You have to do what you feel is right in your heart but speaking from personal experience, people with drug abuse issues rarely think before they act. I have seen women leave their children with strangers just to go find their next high; but when they finally got clean, they were some of the most caring, resentful, and loving mothers you could ever meet. Addictions make people do horrible things but it is disease and your sister is probably fighting for her life right now too.

Answer 7

First of all, you have to take care of yourself first. You gave your sister all you could and it sounds like you were hard pressed to do even that.

No, you did nothing wrong and from what you wrote, sustained some real rotten stuff and still tried to help your sister.

Sometimes, people just don't want to be helped. They refuse all attempts to help them.

So..............you help yourself. You went above and beyond the call of duty on this one. You should be recommended for sainthood.

Answer 8

there is a limit to what a person can do. Most importantly, what is to happens to the child? You and your sister can make choices. Then child has little recourse than to depend upon you and the mother.

Answer 9

no its time 2 put yourself first u have problems to deal with in your life to but you have a backbone to support yourself unlike your selfish sister tell her to leave you alone u have enough to deal with and dont need the added pressure she sounds like a sponger she will only get straight if she wants to and u done everything you can let her get on with it

Answer 10

No you are not wrong. Some people just have to find there own way in life. And no matter what we try to do to help it will not work until they are ready to change.