we have a child 9 months together we have been staying together a year .he has another child i help take care of,I have given him a engagement ring.his mother has a key to our house,he tells me he can he is going to ask me to marry him soon.he told me to go look at wedding stuff to see how much it will be to have a wedding but he has not ask me to marry him am i wasting my time
2006-08-24 12:38:39 · 18 answers · asked by berry 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Yes, he's not going to marry you...period. You've got yourself one heck of a mess too, since you have a child together and aren't married. This is why you should not have a child with someone who isn't willing to marry you, period!!!
2006-08-24 12:41:24 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're probably wasting your time. It appears that he has become comfortable (you all live together, have a child and you are helping him take care of his other child) and in his eyes marriage is not important and he probably don't want to committ on paper because he's getting everything now. When he tells you to go look at wedding ideas, he's probably doing that to "sike" you up to thinking that he will marry you soon. Don't be no fool. If you are not careful, you will continue to be his girlfriend for the next 10 years doing the same thing. Explain to him that you are looking for more in the relationship and if he needs more time, then maybe you all should limit a few thing (sex, living together). Don't pressure him into marrying you for he maybe unhappy if he marries plus he's probably not ready to be married. Do what you have to do before 4 years turns into 20 years as this man's girlfriend.
2006-08-24 20:58:33 · answer #2 · answered by Shay 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to this, that's why you asked. Of course you are wasting your time! You are already raising not only your child by him but the child of ANOTHER woman!
You gave HIM an engagement ring and you've gotten nothing in return but instructions to find out how much weddings cost! (he's thinking, "Yeah, THAT'LL shut her up for a while!")
I'm a middle-aged guy with a 24 year old daughter who got out of an exploitive relationship with great difficulty but then found a great guy a year later. I am going to tell you what I would tell my daughter if she were in the same situation. It isn't pretty, but you need to hear it.
All you are to this guy is a convenient piece of *** who can keep house. This is a give and take relationship, you give, he takes.
My advice is to dump this loser. The only risk you run is that he will promise to marry you if you come back. In fact he will probably do this, it's what assholes do. but rest assured once you are back in the house, there will never be a 'right' time to get married. No price is too steep to pay in order to get this parasite out of your life. Pay it, whatever it costs. Do it, whatever it takes.
2006-08-24 19:54:37 · answer #3 · answered by glenbarrington 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't. If he told you to look into wedding stuff, he's mentally preparing for the idea of getting married. He might be scared of the financial expenses, especially if he doesn't make much money.
Sit down and talk with him about what you both want. It sounds a bit like he might already think you are engaged, that it's just a given. He might not realize that a proposal is necessary.
2006-08-24 23:11:56 · answer #4 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont think you are wasting your time...take it slow...things happen for a reason...
look into getting married..it costs a lot....if you want a "wedding".....put a little money aside each week....if possible...then when he is ready....you will have the funds...I would give it another 6 months to a year....you have a child together..invest in that relationship....talk to your bf about your feelings...make a pro's and cons list..of why you want to get married..and discuss it with him...he might be clueless..like a lot of men!
2006-08-24 23:31:06 · answer #5 · answered by sleddinginthesnow 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My gut feeling tells me you are - sorry. Getting married is not about how much it's gonna cost but about you two saying that you will love and honour (and whatever else) till you pop your clogs. Has he given you an engagement ring? or an engagement anything? But, to me, having a child is more of a commitment than getting married - maybe that's what he thinking.....not sure though. Try an ultimatum and if not, I know it's gonna hurt, then try to move on with your little one and fix yourselves a fresh new start.
Good luck though.
2006-08-25 09:58:27 · answer #6 · answered by aza 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't feel you are wasting your time. You have a child with this man, the man that you love. You didn't describe him in a bad way, he doesn't mistreat you or either child of his. He does what he can to take care of the children he has made (along with taking care of you). He said that he wasn't ready at this point, which makes sense, in a way. Just know that he will ask when the time is right, for both of you.
2006-08-24 23:10:55 · answer #7 · answered by prettycute4u62040 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is the father of your child. He needs to step up to the plate. If getting married is important to you then he needs to make it a priority in his life as well. Just remember if you give him an ultimatum and he doesn't meet your deadline then you need to be prepared to continue your life without him. I recommend giving him a timeline. You can be somewhat flexible with this but you do need to give him a set amount of time to propose and then set a date for the wedding. Remember...if he does not follow through then you will need to break it off with him because there comes a time when enough is enough.
2006-08-24 19:46:03 · answer #8 · answered by Sister Cat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before you do anything rash, think of your child. You have a child together. Even if you may not want to marry him, your child will always need to know who his daddy is.
If you have given him an engagement ring, does that mean that you proposed or you're really pushing it?
It's not as a waste of your time to talk with him like an adult. Explain to him that you feel like it's time to get married. If he doesn't agree, then talk with him like an adult. Don't accuse him, don't raise your voice, and don't act like a victim. Act like mature adults.
Listen to him, and he will be more apt to listen to you. Also, take his opinions to heart. Is he scared of marriage? Is he...what?
2006-08-24 20:30:30 · answer #9 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes you are. And why the hell are you having kids before you get married? Are you unable to control your animal urges? Well that's rough. Poor kids. Well you might as well leave him. It sounds like he is just leading you on, But if he is a good father then damn how you feel, think about your kid that you share with him.
2006-08-24 19:43:50 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋