How do you get past the anger of losing someone to Cancer?

Question

A friend of mine asked me to join her at the Relay for Life event in my home town. I would really like to go but my mother died of cancer and I just have so much anger for all of the people that have survived. I know this is wrong, but I cant seem to get past it. Its not fair, my little sister was only 14 when my mom died and we were left with our step father who treated us like a burden.

Its been seven years

Answer 1

Aww, I'm so sorry for what you and your sister had to go through. I LOVE the Relay for Life, because I am a survivor myself. But, you are an individual and your feelings are important. Also, you are not the only one who feels that way. You're going to have to come to terms with your grief in a way that is right for YOU. [not anyone else]. The candlelight ceremony at Relay for Life might help you to heal some. But, I can't tell you how to deal with it. Do what's best for you. Your true friends will understand. Best wishes to you and your sister.

Answer 2

I lost my father to cancer and not even a year later I lost my husband to cancer. I try to look at it this way, everyday they were here was a miracle, when they passed it hurt. But I don't get mad when people survive cancer, I'm so overjoyed for them. I'm happy to see people get a second chance, I'm glad when they find new treatments and medicines. I think perhaps you can't get past the way you were treated by your step dad. I still have not got over the ugly way I was treated by my husband's family. They were no help during his illness at all, they were good for mouthing off and telling me I needed to do this or I was not doing enough for him, but where were they. They were no where around, helping me out. When my husband passed away my son was 7 and my daughter was 16. It has not been easy. I think your anger is really from the way you have been treated and knowing that if your mom were still here, things would not be the way they are. Life I have learned is never going to be fair, you are just going to have to dig deep inside yourself and understand that anger is not the answer. Everyday you get up be thankful for what you had with your mom, think of the good things and think what she would want you to do. Don't be mad at those people who have survived because they have been through some heart break and hardships also, it has not been an easy road for them either. Good luck...

Answer 3

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. My 18 year old daughter has been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor and doesn't have much time left. Maybe your anger is really at your stepfather and not the survivors. When you think about it you also survived cancer having to go through this with your Mom.

Answer 4

Tomorrow will be the 23rd anniversary of my Father's death. He died of lymphoma of the brain. (Cancerous tumor in the brain).

Life isn't fair and it's something that is very hard to learn. When my Dad died we lost everything and I mean everything. We left our home and moved in with my grandma in another state. He left four children a 1 year old, 3 year old, 13, and a 16 year old. My Mother wore black for a year.

Your Mother would not want you to be angry with others for surviving. She would want you to celebrate their success and to help others that have coped with their loss. Relay for life is an effective way to help other people to do both of those things. When you help others you help yourself. You're not really angry at those that survived. You're angry that your Mom didn't survive and the events that transpired after her death.

I'm sorry for your pain and grief. The reminder of one's loss can seem traumatic, but as I said help others and it will help you in the process.

Answer 5

you should go and not be mad at no one i am sorry to hear what has happened to you but your mom would not be happy to see you so unhappy maybe if you give this a chance an go and see that these people are fighting for there life's and they just need a little encouragement and you give it to them believe me you wont hate them any longer this might actually help you i am sure your mom would really like that be a good person and do not be afraid the reward will be great you'll see good luck and much happiness in the future!

Answer 6

I understand,I lost my father last year of lungs cancer.
I know how much anger you feel right now,I was and I am still very mad for how my daddy was taken away from us. Our lives (mom,me and two sisters)was crashed.
If you don't feel to go right now,you don't have too,maybe you want talk about your feelings with your friend.If you go,try to hold your anger and think if people like my father and your mother didn't made it,maybe one day they will find a cure,so nobody will die anymore from this horrible diseas.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

hey there i am very sorry about your loss but really you never lose the anger trust me i lost both of my parents to cancer i was 12 when i lost my dad and 18 when i lost my mom and i ahve lost of bulit up anger for the people who have survied the best advice i can give you is do what you can to help advanced cancer research beacuse one of these days it could be you suffering from cancer so why not help with research for a cure

Answer 9

I am very sorry for your loss. I don't think anything can heal that kind of pain except for time. Lots of it. In time, you will be able to be happy for the people who have survived and not be angry at them.

Good luck to you, from the bottom of my heart.