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This is a wedding of a couple in their late 40's. Their daughter's inlaws responded by adding their 17 year old son on the response card when their invitation was for only Mr. and Mrs.....

2006-08-24 12:01:23 · 20 answers · asked by missvf11 1 in Family & Relationships Weddings

Please understand we did not invite many close relatives, friends, co-workers, nor did we invite this teen's sister (who is over 25) or the sister and friend of our son's Fiance. This teen is going to be very bored, no one his age. I have seen this teen maybe 4 times in the five years his brother has been married to our daughter. We are going to upset many relatives with his attendance when we were unable to invite their children. The parents were invited out of respect for our son-in-law. We want to be fair and kind...but if everyone did as these parents have done we would not be able to handle the capacity nor the final bill!

2006-08-24 12:42:31 · update #1

Please understand we did not invite many close relatives, friends, co-workers, nor did we invite this teen's sister (who is over 25) or the sister and friend of our son's Fiance. This teen is going to be very bored, no one his age. I have seen this teen maybe 4 times in the five years his brother has been married to our daughter. We are going to upset many relatives with his attendance when we were unable to invite their children. The parents were invited out of respect for our son-in-law. We want to be fair and kind...but if everyone did as these parents have done we would not be able to handle the capacity nor the final bill!

2006-08-24 12:42:40 · update #2

20 answers

sorry but youre brutal.

2006-08-24 12:03:34 · answer #1 · answered by mugendi2001 2 · 4 1

Somebody's feelings are fixing to be hurt! Is this a couple's only wedding? Is there some reason that this 17 year old shouldn't come? Is he a problem teen? Is there going to be other young teens there?

If there's other young people coming to the wedding, then I don't see how you can't let this young man come.
If it's a couple's only thing, then explain it with a nice note, that on the invitation that the couple's only was forgotten.
If he's a problem teen, then someone is going to have to step up and disinvite him, and don't make their poor daughter do it. If not the couple, then a close person to the in-laws. But be prepared for some fall out....

When an invitation is issued most people with children, think that includes the kids too. So, please be the nicest you can, but you may have 3 empty seats, instead of one extra.

God bless us all..............

2006-08-24 12:13:43 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 5 1

I'm with Laura K on this one. At first I though, how rude and then I realized they probably didn't mean it that way. There really isn't a way to do this without someone getting toes stepped on, but if you feel you must, give them a call and say due to budget concerns we have a limited number of guests we can invite. Unfortunately, we were not able to invite your son, I hope you will still be able to attend.

2006-08-24 12:31:08 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa H 4 · 1 0

I think that the best way to solve this would to spesk with them directly & frankly. No need to be rude. Just explain the situation. Make it clear that The couple to wed is older than normal. & that because of this the reception & wedding will be Adults Only. Let that they are not the only couple asked to leave their "chilldren/teen" behind. Give examples of other couples that were asked to lleave theirs behind. Make them understand that you would still like to keep this as intimate & small as possible. Finally tell them that you will understand if they can not make it, if you don't let their son come. it is very important that you not make an exception, as others will feel liek you were willing to make an exception for some but not for all. Good luck!

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2006-08-25 05:48:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Well, how rude are you really comfortable being?

I suggest you get over it. You say you wouldn't be able to afford the bill if "everyone" did this, but everyone didn't, did they? Is there at least one person who has sent their regrets? Or can you spring for just one more?

Is your family harmony and your relationship with these people worth the price of a single entree? If not, I don't know why you invited them.

2006-08-24 20:32:26 · answer #5 · answered by smurfette 4 · 1 0

You need to call and say, "there must be some mistake, we addressed the invitation to you and Uncle Moe only..."

They should know that they did something rude by adding in someone whose name was not on the envelope.

Don't go into issues about his age or your budget or space restraints, as that is entirely beside the point. The pointis that the people named on the ENVELOPE are invited, the people who aren't, aren't.

2006-08-24 15:12:17 · answer #6 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1 0

You call them up and say that the reception is for those 21 and older, and that the 17 year old isn't invited. No explanation is required, it was very rude of them to add him when the invite was only for Mr. and Mrs. anyway.

2006-08-24 12:25:39 · answer #7 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1 0

A 17 year old probably should have been invited to an adult wedding anyway, especially if he is family.

It's one thing to make a wedding adult only and tell parents to find a babysitter for really young ones, but 17? Come on.

And even if you "just" invited them, and not him, is there really a tactful way to call and tell them he can't come. They probably assumed that you wanted him there and forgot to put his name on the invite. I mean, do you think, honestly that a 17 year old wants to spend Saturday night at a family function? No. His mom and dad must have thought you wanted him there.

2006-08-24 12:06:45 · answer #8 · answered by Laura 4 · 4 1

Just politely explain to them that children are not invited, and that it's not just him. Weddings are expensive and just explain that you had to cut the line somewhere. But first make sure no other children will be there (can't do it for one person and no others) and to be honest, if his name wasn't on the invitation, I think it was sort of rude for them to invite someone who wasn't on the invitation anyway.

2006-08-24 21:13:09 · answer #9 · answered by BONNI 5 · 1 0

You have a choice to either call them and tell them just what you wrote here and live with the consequences (they act like boobs and get mad and don't come at all), or you suck it up and don't say anything.

Having just had a wedding for 250 for my daughter, I understand cost and everything else, but frankly with everything else going on, I suggest chalking it up to their boorish manners and just go on with the show. In 5 years, no one will remember or care.

2006-08-24 18:13:23 · answer #10 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1 0

I think it was very rude for them to add him when it wasn't addressed to anyone else but "Mr. and Mrs".

I would personally call them up and be honest that this is an adult group event only and will see them at the event. Leave the conversation at firm by addressing and standing ground. Not leaving room for "buts", but welcoming.

2006-08-24 15:35:56 · answer #11 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 1 0

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