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I have a groomsman who is a good friend of mine, but as it gets closer to the wedding, I'm feeling more like I should have put more thought into it and asked my cousin to be in the wedding. How can I ask him to step down so my cousin can step in without offending him? It would mean a lot to me if my cousin was up there with me.

2006-08-24 11:30:33 · 21 answers · asked by Firestarter_12 1 in Family & Relationships Weddings

21 answers

You can't. You would definitely hurt his feelings although he would never say so, and you'd ruin the friendship forever.
Let this be a good lesson about thinking things through next time.
Have your cousin do a reading at the altar if you are getting married in a church or give him some other important job to do the day of your wedding. This way, everybody's happy.

2006-08-24 11:33:57 · answer #1 · answered by Angela 7 · 0 0

Your cousin can be "up there" with you as one of your Groomsmen. I think you will hurt your friend's feelings if you ask him to step aside. You're only gonna be at the alter for a few minutes not a lifetime, so just keep the friend (since you have already asked him) and add your cousin as groomsman. That way, no hard feelings, noone upset and everyone will enjoy the wedding.

2006-08-24 13:01:33 · answer #2 · answered by Shay 4 · 1 0

Honestly, I think that would be impolite. Think how you'd feel if someone told you you'd be in the front of the church with him, PLUS partying the night before, etc, and then snatched it away from you. Just have one more groomsman! You said he was a good friend; why would you want him to step down? Did he do something wrong? If you're worried about having an uneven number of groomsmen and bridesmaids, don't! A lot of people do and it works out fine. Talk to a coordinator or look for ideas on standing arrangements online.

2006-08-24 12:28:26 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny Alice 4 · 0 0

You cannot demote someone from yoru wedding party. It is rude. There is no nice way to do it.

The groomsman you want to step down, if you ahve a chat with him and HE offers to step down because he's having some sort of problem, then that's OK, but you can't tell him you want him to step down.

If you want to add your cousin in, just add him inn. The # of people on each side do NOT have to match.

2006-08-24 15:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0 0

ettiquette says that there is no polite tactfully way to ask someont to step down without it looking really rude and tacky.But i can understand you wanting to spend it with those close to you.I suggest either add your cousin as an extra groomsmen and just forget balance numbers or have himas an usher,or ask the friend that you think with his great speaking (Lay it on thick even if it is not completly true) skills that you want him to have a larger part in your wedding instead of a groomsmen and do a special reading about love state that you don't feel comfortable with someone so important having such a small role so you want him to do a reading about love and let the other guy be the groomsmen or you can say your aunt and uncle demanded their son be a groomsmen just hope he doesn't say anthing to them.

2006-08-24 18:18:00 · answer #5 · answered by movin12006 3 · 0 0

If you want to invite your cousin to be in the wedding, by all means do. But I wouldn't uninvite someone that was already to be there for you. Just have an extra groomsman. It's no big deal having an extra one, but it might be a big deal to your friend, if he thought you didn't think enough of him and uninvited him to participate, as he has already planned to do.

2006-08-24 21:17:51 · answer #6 · answered by BONNI 5 · 0 0

OK, MY FIANCEE AND I JUST WENT THROUGH THIS- FORTUNATELY OUR WEDDING ISNT FOR OVER A YEAR BUT HE HAD A FRIEND THAT WAS ONE OF HIS BEST FRIENDS AND WHEN WE FIRST GOT ENGAGED HE KNEW THAT HE WANTED THIS FRIEND IN THE WEDDING WELL WHEN WE WERE GOING OVER THE BRIDAL PARTY OF WHO WAS WHO HE DECIDED THAT HE NEVER TALKS TO OR HANGS OUT WITH THAT FRIEND AND LATELY THAT FRIEND WAS ALSO DOING DRUGS- BUT, HE HAD ANOTHER GUY THAT IS ONE OF HIS BEST FRIENDS THAT HE RATHER BE THERE WITH HIM- SOOO, HE CALLED THE GUY AND JUST EXPLAINED TO HIM THE SITUATION AND TOLD HIM THAT IF ANYTHING CHANGES AND WE'RE SHORT SOMEONE THAT HE WILL BE PUT BACK IN THE WEDDING- I KNOW ITS GOING TO BE HARD BUT IF U REALLY FEEL THAT U DONT WANT UR FRIEND AND U DO WANT UR COUSIN THEN I SAY U NEED TO TELL HIM SOONER THAN LATER- IT WILL BE HARD, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT- BUT IN THE END U WILL BE HAPPIER AND U ONLY GET MARRIED ONCE, AND IF FOR SOME REASON U DO GET MARRIED TWICE- USE THE FRIEND THE- LOL- JUST KIDDING- BUT U SHOULD SERIOUSLY DO WHAT U FEEL IS RIGHT!

2006-08-24 15:36:01 · answer #7 · answered by mmackie08 2 · 0 0

Just add your cousin in. If you can't do that, include him in the wedding somehow. Handing out programs, etc. Your friend would be very hurt if you tell him, hey I found someone better to be in my wedding. There is no nice way to tell him this. You should have thought a little bit harder as to who you wanted in your wedding party.

2006-08-24 14:23:47 · answer #8 · answered by Lissa 3 · 0 0

Why don't you just add your cousin without asking the friend to step aside? It would be the height of rudeness to ask the friend to step aside at this point.

2006-08-24 12:29:03 · answer #9 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1 0

You are not exercising good judgment in this case
Ask your Cousin to be a Usher and leave the wedding party in tact.

2006-08-24 12:03:48 · answer #10 · answered by LJRobbie 5 · 0 0

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